Friday, May 30, 2014

10 Wedding Tips Before Your Big Day

10 Wedding Tips from the Mean Minister*

*mean, because I care

1. A wedding, a marriage, does not make.
Let's start with this one. Bridal magazines and Pinterest boards don't often speak of this, but I will: Your wedding day is one day of your life. Your marriage, God willing, will last longer than one day.

Case in point:
Once, a few years after I got married, I lamented to an older friend about the torrential rain that fell on my wedding day.

She replied simply, "My daughter's wedding was picture perfect. Her wedding was out of a magazine, everything elegant, tasteful, lovely. We spent $30,000 on it; it couldn't have gone more smoothly, everything according to plan."

I didn't know where she was going with this?

"I had to hold my dress up to my chest to avoid the streams of water flowing past my feet," I complained.

"My daughter was divorced within the year," she continued, "The wedding, a marriage, does not make. You can have a perfect wedding, but that's just the wedding, that's not the marriage. They are not the same thing."

2. The Perfect Wedding? No.
Meaningful, yes. Perfect? So over it. Here's the thing. The flowers will be late or wrong, someone in the wedding party will be hung over, a hem will rip. These are not "signs" that the wedding should be called off, that you shouldn't get married. These can serve as reminders that you're not going for a "perfect" wedding day, you're aiming at meaningful with your wedding day -- maybe memorable too -- but meaningful is the aim. When you say your vows to your partner, look into her/his eyes, say that you mean it, and mean it. Have a Kleenex handy.

Case in point:
A couple I knew married during World War II in Newfoundland, and as would happen in Newfoundland, sled dogs ate their wedding cake. The couple were incredibly happy together. Theirs was a story of a wedding gone wrong, and a marriage gone right. Sally Quinn, in her book The Party: A Guide to Adventurous Entertaining, points out that sometimes when crazy stuff happens, it makes it all the more memorable, it'll be something people talk about for years.

3. Speaking of meaning it: Do you?
Weight on your chest? Think again. If you begin to feel a lion sitting on your chest every morning before your wedding day, if you feel drained completely by the notion of being married to this person, if going through with the wedding makes you nauseous, then, "Houston, we have a problem."
If, as the day gets closer, you know in your gut it's a bad idea, then stop. Don't go through with it.
Yes, you sampled wedding cake, and purchased a cake that's non-refundable. Yes, the flower girl's dress is adorable and her heart is set on wearing it. Yes, your groomsmen and bridesmaids have plane tickets. Yes, countless people will be really, really angry with you and you'll have to return gifts. Sometimes the momentum of a wedding sweeps up people, who aren't quite sure, in the glorious wrappings and trappings of a big event. If dread sits on your chest like a lion, stop the madness, stop the forward motion, stop the wedding. People will be upset with you. Hopefully that's short term. Marriage? Long term.

Case in point:
When I was first ordained as a Presbyterian minister, I asked, "What's needed to perform a wedding?" The answers were easy:
  • Have the couple show their legal identification, pay the application fee to get a marriage license, and obtain it in the county in which they'll be getting married within 60 days of the wedding. Valid legal identification is needed to obtain such a license.
  • Have the couple state they're entering into the wedding as willing participants, acknowledging they know what they're doing, and that they are not getting married under duress.
  • Have the couple state that they know this is a long term commitment, not a flash in the pan, which is where the "I do" comes in. "I do" get this, is what you're saying, "I do understand that I'm getting married."
  • Sign and mail in the wedding license after the wedding ceremony (Note: make sure the person performing your wedding ceremony signs this, and mails it in after the service)
All of this can be quick and easy, and in truth, doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. Divorce is rarely quick, rarely easy. With divorce, there will be casualties. Just sayin'.

4. Script it:
If your friend is officiating at your wedding and not someone who, say, has done 1,000 weddings, (I can tell you the pros and cons of this), have them script it. Choose vows that mean something to you and aren't empty words. Write up a "script." If you're spending hours planning the day, you need to spend a couple hours thinking about the actual thing that gets you hitched, the ritual or ceremony. This is the heart and soul of the event, not the dress which will be hermetically cleaned, sealed, and stored in your attic for your daughter, who may or may not choose to ever look at the dress in the box with the acid free tissue paper.

Case in point:
My dress was totally '80's over the top, a big dress, a huge veil, big hair, and I'm pretty sure my daughter would rather wear a leotard and leg warmers than show up in my wedding dress. Therefore, as much time as you spend on "the look" of the wedding, spend on the substance of the wedding. This will have meaning if you do this, and we're going for meaningful.

5. Keys? The bane of your existence, or not.
This is an issue with every wedding I've ever done. Getting a bridal party from point A to point D, with various points in between on the wedding day takes a tactical team, or good planning. The bridal couple leaves in a limo, old car, whatever, and now the car they came in has to be moved from the wedding spot, only no one has any clue where the keys might be? Or, the bridal party needs to arrive early for photos, they've come in a variety of vehicles, but they'll all be in one vehicle, or different vehicles going to the reception, and no one knows who has the keys. Or, someone has too much to drink, and she/he needs a designated driver.

Case in point:
Almost every wedding I've done, this has become an issue. I've seen years of this, trust me on this one. Think it through beforehand, and/or assign someone you trust with the keys. If either the bride or groom is stressed out, on the day of the wedding, don't let her/him drive, she/he will be too distracted. Yes, people get in accidents on their wedding days. No, we don't want it to be you.

6. Plenty o' water:

Make sure everyone has something to eat and water to drink before the wedding. Tooth brushes/toothpaste and/or mints are another good idea, but food is a necessity as is hydration.

Case in point:

You've seen videos of people fainting in weddings? People turning green? They're real. Eat, drink water, and be merry. Those watermelon shots someone wants you to do the night before your wedding? Skip those. No, really, skip those.

7. Rehearsal, not just for high school plays:
Have a wedding rehearsal. Do it. Plan a rehearsal. I don't care if you're getting married in your backyard with the neighbor officiating, if you're having people come and watch, do a run through. Stuff happens. You need to rehearse so you know where people will be entering, where they'll be walking, where they'll exit. You need to know this, and your wedding party and wedding guests need to know this too.

Case in point:
Wandering brides or grooms, not knowing where to stand or enter, this isn't pretty, and it can be stressful for those in the wedding, and those watching.

8. Be quiet before the wedding:
Don't greet people right before the wedding. Take time to break away from the crowd and be quiet somewhere. You'll be able to get centered, you can get a drink of water (Tip #6), collect your thoughts, etc. This is a big day, it's a big commitment, it deserves your full attention. Think ahead how much time you want away before the ceremony begins... 5 minutes? 10? 30?
Do this. People you haven't seen in ages will be arriving, great! Talk to them after the ceremony, or before, but take these minutes right before the wedding ceremony to set yourselves apart from the thundering herd.

9. Rounding up the thundering herd:
Tell people what to do. Tell them, especially if you're not getting married in a venue like a church, synagogue, etc. We human beings, when in a herd, we become brainless. We don't know what to do, you have to tell us. State the obvious to a crowd of people. Tell them to sit or stand or walk where you want them.

Case in point:
Have the person conducting the wedding service tell those gathered, "Following the ceremony, please join us for the Macarena in the tent," or "Following the wedding service, you can ...." Maybe you'll have a bulletin outlining what the crowd can expect during the wedding, maybe you won't. Either way, tell those gathered what you expect and where to go, nicely.

10. Wedding Toasts: Give them some thought
Wedding toasts should be given by those who have your best interests at heart. If you want someone to make a toast, and it's usually the best man and maid/matron of honor, talk with them about what is off limits. Short speeches here are a good idea. There are many commercials on TV about people making speeches at weddings, because we've all seen them go wrong. This is a good thing to discuss before the wedding. I've never seen liquor enhance the speech giver's delivery, in fact, it can make her/him sloppy.

Case in point:
After conducting the rehearsal for a dear friend, the drunk best man pulled me aside to practice his wedding toast.

After hearing it, I replied, "You can't do that."

"What? Why? It's hilarious! That's why I'm best man. It's SO funny."

"You're right," I responded, "It's funny, very funny, and the bride and her family are gonna hate it. You can't give that speech."

MawMaw and PawPaw, NaNa and her beau, or whoever the grandparents are, for the bride and groom, they don't want to hear it either, I assure you.

Let them eat cake.

It'll be over before you know it. Your wedding day will fly by. All that planning? Your wedding day will spool out just like every other day in your life, moment by moment. All that food you agonized over? You may not even get a bite. People photographed at your wedding will not always be around, look at them, see them at this occasion for celebration. Don't sweat the small stuff, do embrace the people present, who are celebrating with you at a party you're throwing in honor of love.
Wishing you all the joy you can hold on your wedding day, and in the moments of marriage to follow.

Blessings.

Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet;
righteousness and peace will kiss each other. Psalm 85:10

2014-05-19-ballershepardoldweddingdressshot.jpg
Follow Rev. Susan Baller-Shepard on Twitter: www.twitter.com/yoursbc

Thursday, May 29, 2014

20+ Light-as-Air Ball Gowns We Love

The newest ball gowns are not only breathtaking but they're also supremely wearable, with a more fluid, relaxed silhouette than past seasons. All the more better for having your princess moment!
 
 
 
 
 
Watters

Watters

Gown by Watters.
Photo courtesy of designer
Christos

Christos

Gown by Christos.
Photo courtesy of designer
Stella York

Stella York

Gown by Stella York.
Photo courtesy of designer
Reem Acra

Reem Acra

Gown by Reem Acra.
Photo courtesy of designer
Maggie Sottero

Maggie Sottero

Gown by Maggie Sottero.
Photo courtesy of designer
Martina Liana

Martina Liana

Gown by Martina Liana.
Photo courtesy of designer
 
 
Essense of Australia

Essense of Australia

Photo courtesy of designer
Monique Lhuillier

Monique Lhuillier

Photo courtesy of designer
Kelly Faetanini

Kelly Faetanini

Gown by Kelly Faetanini.
Photo courtesy of designer
Carolina Herrera

Carolina Herrera

Photo courtesy of designer
Marchesa

Marchesa

Gown by Marchesa.
Photo courtesy of designer
La Sposa

La Sposa

Gown by La Sposa.
Photo courtesy of designer
 
 
Alvina Valenta

Alvina Valenta

Gown by Alvina Valenta.
Photo courtesy of designer
Reem Acra

Reem Acra

Gown by Reem Acra.
Photo courtesy of designer
Ines Di Santo

Ines Di Santo

Gown by Ines di Santo.
Photo courtesy of designer
Monique Lhuillier

Monique Lhuillier

Photo courtesy of designer
Angel Sanchez

Angel Sanchez

Gown by Angel Sanchez.
Photo courtesy of designer
Moonlight Collection

Moonlight Collection

Photo courtesy of designer
 
 
Essense of Australia

Essense of Australia

Photo courtesy of designer
Vera Wang

Vera Wang

Gown by Vera Wang.
Photo courtesy of designer
Justin Alexander

Justin Alexander

Photo courtesy of designer
Ellis Bridals

Ellis Bridals

Gown by Ellis Bridals.
Photo courtesy of designer
Watters

Watters

Gown by Watters.
Photo courtesy of designer
Rivini

Rivini

Gown by Rivini.
Photo courtesy of designer
 
 
La Sposa

La Sposa

Gown by La Sposa.
Photo courtesy of designer
Watters

Watters

Gown by Watters.
Photo courtesy of designer
Marchesa

Marchesa

Gown by Marchesa.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

10 "Essentials" You Can Take Off Your Wedding Checklist

Natasha Burton Headshot

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Budget Honeymoons: 15 Budget Honeymoon Ideas

No one wants to skimp on their honeymoon. Posh accommodations, intimate meals, and soothing massages rank high on the wish list of virtually every newlywed, but most people don't have an unlimited expense account. No need to take the backpack-and-hostel route -- just focus on these five areas to cut down your honeymoon costs.

The Planning


A little legwork early in your engagement goes a long way toward balancing your honeymoon budget.

1. Consider a travel agent
It's easy to find a flight and book a hotel over the Internet, so the idea of working with a travel agent might seem antiquated. While it's not for everyone, Tim Leffel, author of Make Your Travel Dollars Worth a Fortune, observes that a travel agent can save money for those who don't have a specific destination in mind. "If you just want to go to a nice Caribbean island and stay in a hotel on the beach, agents can often find deals that you might not run across yourself." So if your heart's set on the Four Seasons in Nevis, use the Web. If you're open to any number of islands and resorts, see what a travel agent has to offer.

2. Use frequent flier miles
If you've charged wedding expenses, your honeymoon is the perfect time to cash in all the bonus points you racked up on your credit card. Free airfare is great, of course, and even if you don't have enough miles for that, you can still go for an upgrade from coach to first class, allowing you to begin and end your honeymoon in style.

3. Start a honeymoon registry
As a traditional part of attending your wedding, guests will give you gifts, and the majority of them will shop straight from your wedding registry. If you have ample linens and china's just not your style, set up a honeymoon registry and have guests pay for part (or even all) of your trip in lieu of traditional gifts. Sites like thebigday.com or honeymoonwishes.com offer registries for a small percentage of the total gift. You can also register at resorts like Marriott or Disney.

The Destination


An open mind while picking a honeymoon spot gives you a better chance to find a good deal.

4. Take advantage of shoulder seasons
Every destination has a high and low season -- during the high season there are crowds and high prices, while the low season is cheaper (usually because the weather is lousy). Shoulder seasons, however, are right on the cusp of high and low, so the prices are more reasonable because there's far less demand and the weather is still appealing. Shoulder season for the Caribbean starts right after spring break. "Mid-April to mid-June is a fantastic time to hit the Caribbean," Leffel says. (Should you prefer a European honeymoon, look into the late spring and early fall.)

5. Go where the dollar hasn't deflated
The poor currency exchange can sabotage your budget. The dollar has become increasingly puny compared to the euro, so seek a destination where your money still has some worth. Leffel recommends heading anywhere in Spanish-speaking Latin America -- from Mexico down to Chile -- or check out our sidebar for the best budget honeymoons.

6. Consider an all-inclusive
One of the best reasons to honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort is that you have a clear estimate of how much your trip will cost and budget accordingly. Find out exactly what you're paying for and factor in a couple of meals at restaurants outside the resort, day trips, or other excursions that might not be included. Then you'll have a solid idea of how much you'll spend.

The Transportation


Getting from point A to point B can be the bulk of your bill, but there are easy ways to save.

7. Fly off-peak
Flights are less expensive on certain days of the week. If you're traveling domestic, fly on a Sunday to avoid business travelers. If you're going abroad, find a better deal by leaving on a Monday or Tuesday.

8. Ask if airport pickup is included
When you book a hotel, try to score a ride from the airport (some hotels offer complimentary transportation). If a taxi is your only option, hail a cab in an area of the airport designated for transportation rather than riding with some guy who sidles up at baggage claim and offers a lift.

9. Use mass transit
Unless you're renting a car, use mass transit as much as possible. Cab rides, while convenient, inevitably wreak havoc on your budget. Before you travel, familiarize yourself with your honeymoon spot's main modes of transportation, be it metro, tram, or bus. Saving money isn't the only benefit of mass transit -- in congested cities, the metro is very often the quickest way across town.

The Hotel


A dismal room can ruin a trip, but saving money doesn't have to mean staying in a dump.

10. Get a room with no view
Check any hotel's website and you'll find a range of room rates. A room's size and view are two factors that hike up the price. Cut your accommodation's cost by booking a room looking upon a slightly less attractive landscape. When you spend most of your time on the beach, you'll hardly notice whether your room has a view of the ocean or a garden, and the savings can be significant.

11. Investigate packages
If a hotel offers a "honeymoon package," Leffel advises taking a close look to see if it's really a money-saving deal. If the offer is six nights for the price of five, that's worthwhile. If the package brings an evening rose petal turndown service plus champagne for an added $200, it's cheaper to forgo the extras and book at the normal room rate.

12. Mention you're newlyweds
You can often leverage the fact you're on your honeymoon for special (and free) treatment. While there are no hard rules for the practice -- or guarantees the hotel will do anything -- it's worth telling the receptionist you'll be spending your first days of married life with them. We've heard of couples getting complimentary room upgrades. It's also worth dropping the h-word when you're at airport check-in, and any bartender's bound to offer a round on the house.

The Food


An extraordinary honeymoon requires great food and drink, but the costs of eating out add up. Learn how to maximize your meal money.

13. Stray from the hotel
A hotel's restaurant is definitely hassle-free dining, but that convenience often comes with a marked-up price. Consult a guide book for some other options.

14. Talk to locals
With some insider info, you'll find an unassuming fish stand in a Caribbean market or a hole-in-the-wall bistro on a European side street that serves the best meal of your entire trip. Ask the local baker, butcher, or fishmonger for their pick for the best bite in town -- chances are that it will be reasonably priced and utterly delicious.
15. Prepare a few meals
Making your own lunch doesn't have to lack romance. Go to the grocery store and stock up on sandwich ingredients, fruit, and other picnic goods. Trek to a secluded spot and enjoy a private lunch. You'll save money without missing out on the fond memories every honeymooner deserves.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Top Websites for Tech-Savvy Brides-to-Be

Guest Blogger: Neda Azarfar, Vice President of Communications at Myspace A recent bride and core member of the team responsible for shaping the new Myspace, Neda knows only too well what it’s like to juggle a busy work schedule with wedding planning. While Neda spearheaded Myspace’s 2013 launch campaign, which garnered industry recognition as one of the year’s best corporate branding campaigns (according to PRWeek), she doubled as a wedding planner by night, creating a romantic, vintage-inspired wedding full of unique DIY and bespoke elements to suit her style.




neda and josh

With a background in the consumer technology industry and having decided to undertake the wedding planning process without a coordinator, I found myself relying heavily on digital tools to help plan my perfect wedding. Here are some of my favorite websites.
1. Pinterest
Get on Pinterest, stat. For all the girls who haven’t spent years tearing out pages from bridal magazines to create comprehensive mood boards for the perfect wedding, this is a click-easy way to develop and refine your wedding vision and style. Because it’s social, Pinterest is the perfect sharing tool, making it easy for me to update my friends and family throughout the planning process — without having to repeat ramblings to describe exactly what I meant by “shabby chic, but more chic” or “extra-soft peach hues.”
bridal bouquet
wedding hairstyle

shabby chic wedding reception decor

2. Etsy
I had a specific vision and didn’t want to settle for a lot of standard stuff (read: this bride is hard-to-please picky), so I wanted everything custom-made to fit my theme and style. The only trouble with being so DIY-inclined was that I was working around 70 hours a week on the Myspace launch at the same time I was planning my wedding. So I didn’t exactly have the time — nor the talent — for arts and crafts. Enter Etsy to save the day. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks the color of the plastic straws for our engagement shoot and the paper for our wedding vows are of utmost importance!
outdoor wedding ceremony

3. Design Seeds & MyFonts
Speaking of DIY, did I mention I had to create my own wedding collateral? I work in communications for a living, so designing my own invites, guest cards, menus, wedding signage — you get the point — was a must. With the help of my talented designer friend, sites like Design Seeds (which helps you put together a complementary color palette), and MyFonts (which helps you pick your perfect fonts), I was golden on all things printed (or digital, for that matter).
wedding invitation

wedding sign

4. Myspace
Another must-have for my wedding was fun. To me, that equals dancing. It was important that our dance floor be packed with bodies — whether they were swaying, pop-locking, twerking, or belly-dancing. The key to this: Finding the right tunes. I used Myspace to check out prospective DJs and make sure I liked their style. Once I’d picked the right DJ, I invited friends to create mixes, which I then shared with our wedding DJ so he could get an even better idea of the specific tracks people wanted to hear. This was also a great way for me to “veto” songs I absolutely did not want to hear, regardless of their mass appeal (e.g. “I Will Survive.” Is it just me, or does that song have no place at a wedding?)
reception bellydancing

5. Instagram
In addition to using Myspace to vet and work with my DJ, I also used the site when I was looking for my photographer. There are a lot of professional photographers on Myspace because of the site’s new open canvas style (easy to scroll + great photo quality!). I also used Instagram for photographic inspiration. Instagram isn’t about professional photographers per se; it’s more about regular people who happen to take amazing shots (or select just the right filter to make an otherwise average shot amazing). For me, it was the ultimate source for creative photo ideas for my wedding shot list.
wedding shoes
wedding dress

bride walking to wedding ceremony

bride during wedding ceremony
bride and groom

6. Mint
Of course, everything comes at a price — especially everything wedding-related. My fiancé and I were covering the wedding ourselves and had committed to a strict budget. As his primary (ahem, only) contribution to the planning process, my fiancé signed us up for Mint so we could keep track of what we were spending (a lot), what we were saving (not much), and notifying us when we went over budget in a given category (the dress!).
bride in wedding dress

7. Evernote
Myspace has offices in Orange County and LA, and I happen to work out of both. This means I tend to be a professional nomad. After repeatedly leaving important notes in my “other office" and/or stumbling in with stacked manila file folders just grazing my nose, one of the tech guys recommended I try Evernote — another great organizational tool. It basically lets you compile everything in one place — from vendor contracts to to-do lists. Think of it as that super cutesy, big and bulky wedding binder your girls gave you when you first got engaged — you know, the one you almost always forget to bring to your actual wedding appointments. Evernote makes that binder digital and lets you sync it across all your devices — the most comprehensive and convenient binder ever created.
wedding diary

8. Yelp
No word strikes fear in the hearts of wedding vendors like the four-letter onomatopoeic Yelp. Attention, brides: Having trouble with a vendor? Did someone try to rescind on a verbal agreement? If you’ve had the misfortune of experiencing the frequent tension between commonsense courtesy and the commonplace racket that is, sadly, all too common in the wedding sphere, fear not. And don’t waste another minute arguing. One of the most useful things I learned during the planning process was that my greatest power was not in the almighty dollar, but in the almighty Yelp review. Just one hint that you might write a negative post, and suddenly, your most obstinate vendor will become as accommodating as a Four Seasons bellman.
wedding ceremony candles

9. Appy Couple
Between planning the Myspace launch and planning my wedding, one thing I didn’t have time for was giving updates and answering questions that I’d already answered, like, “What’s the hotel everyone’s staying at?” or, “When’s the wedding date again?” This is where a wedding website comes in handy (nevermind the custom wedding invitation I painstakingly made). I checked out a few options for building our wedding site but ultimately went with Appy Couple because I liked their templates — plus, the whole experience was user-friendly and intuitive. One day later, all my inquisitive guests were being redirected.
wedding ceremony

10. Vimeo & Dropbox
In the end, all the work I put into the wedding paid off, and we truly loved every second of it! So much so that, after the wedding, all my now-husband and I wanted to do was talk about the wedding, as we were dying to relive those moments. This is why I love Vimeo and Dropbox. Before we’d even gotten back from our honeymoon, our photographer and videographer had already sent us links to check out rough shots and raw footage from our wedding day. No DVD in the mail, and no "Where the heck is that thumb drive?!" Of course, it took weeks and months before we got our final packages of photo-shopped beautes, but getting those initial files immediately after the nuptials really helped tide us over.
groom on swing

wedding reception decor

wedding cake

bride and groom kiss

Neda Azarfar