Top 5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

By The Married Chick

The other day, my friends over at The Nest had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author of the best-selling A Happy You. She’s got tons of really great tips for bringing more joy into a marriage.

Here’s what she shared:

1. Get rid of the “There is no time” mentality

Yes, life is busy -- but where there's a will, there's a way. The average American watches over four hours of TV a day or spends that same amount of time surfing the Internet. Swap out just one hour a day with together time, and that’s a whopping seven more hours to share with your hubby each week.

2. Surprise him

Life can sometimes feel like you're just going through the motions. So do something to spice things up. Consider sending him a text telling him about a fantasy or flashing some fun lingerie when he least expects it. You can even take a simpler route and leave a love note where only he will find it.

3. Remember (and be thankful!) that he can’t read your mind

Think your minds are in sync? Often, he’s not thinking what you’re thinking. Not because he doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to be helpful -- it’s simply because he has a different brain. Plus, we all know men are wired differently.

4. Remember the 5:1 rule

Research shows that happy couples have a 5:1 ratio when it comes to positive vs. negative interactions. This means for every time you have a less-than-positive interaction (conflict, disappointment), you want to have five expressions of positivity.

Positive interactions can include expressions of gratitude, such as:

• “I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”

• “I am so proud of what you've done at work.”

• “You look so handsome today.”

• “You are such a terrific father.”

5. Stop “shoulding”

When you feel like you should be doing something but you’re not, you tend to feel guilty or shameful. And when you “should” your spouse, you can feel angry and resentful.

Instead of resorting to what you feel he should be doing, think, I wish he would help more around the house. Thinking this way, you're more likely to be assertive and figure out together how you can divide up the chore. You're also more likely to be grateful when he does help out.