History of me:
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with HypoThyroidism. With all the information they gave me then, I knew then that it was going to be a tough road for me. I struggled to deal with weight issues and all the things a teenage girl goes through. When I was 21, I was told that not only did I have to deal with the HypoThyroidism and having surgery to take part of my thyroid out (I had a lump that was 3 centimeters and I have the scar to prove it..pretty noticeable) but I would have to also deal with PCOS.... And to make matters worse, it is something that I might have had all along and was not truly diagnosed. I was heartbroken when the doctor told me what it was about and how my life would change.
Now for those that dont about PCOS... here is a quick lesson
What is polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)?
Polycystic ovary syndrome (say "pah-lee-SIS-tik OH-vuh-ree SIN-drohm") is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.
Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 out of 15 women. Often the symptoms begin in the teen years. Treatment can help control the symptoms and prevent long-term problems.
So here is why I think it has been bothering me more than ever... People here at my new job have been asking me alot lately... Now that you are married and you each have kids, Are you going to have one together? I have had friends and family ask as well but that's common since one you get married that's the next natural step, Right? I think the question of it all just wears on me more than I would admit to anyone.
I honestly don't know if it will happen for us. The doctor told me at my last visit that it might not be possible and that it would be alot on my body to try and even do so. It was a bit of a miracle that I was able to have Jacelyn considering my medical history so trying again could have different results. Then the idea that it could/will happen scares me a little considering that Jacelyn is 14 and Isaiah is almost 6. The fear of starting over is creeping in and it makes me wonder even more about what will happen.
I have prided myself on being able to do what I set my mind to, but this is a different hurdle. In addition to that, I am trying to keep my emotions in check while my hormones are bouncing around like a ball that Michael Jordan would dribble up and down the court. I keep trying to psych myself out and say that it does not bother me, but I see my husband's reaction when he sees babies and think to myself, This is the one thing I may never be able to give him.
So why share you ask? Because I have found that my Blogger Buddies are like family. You don't judge, you give me sound advice and you make me laugh as well. It is apart of my life as you all are and I have found that blogging is therapeutic for me. Its a way to speak and be heard.
I hope this gives you a little peak at me and maybe this post will help someone else that does not have the answers they need... Either way, Thanks for letting me speak.
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