Wednesday, April 17, 2013

7 cures for the post-wedding blues

You’ve just enjoyed the biggest day of your life, so why do you feel so down? “You were a celebrity on your wedding day and in the months leading up to it—but now life is back to normal and you’re no longer the center of attention,” explains Bill Doherty, professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota, and founder of the premarital counseling website, thefirstdance.com. Such a dramatic change overnight can be a major letdown, he adds. Try one of these strategies to extend that newlywed bliss and banish the blues.

Reminisce. You’ve just had a fabulous wedding day (and honeymoon). So bask in your favorite memories. “Order the photo album and the wedding video—looking through them lets you relive the excitement of the day over and over,” says Elena Mauer, a former bridal magazine editor and the author of Planning Your Wedding Sucks: What to Do When Place Cards, Plus Ones, and Paying Two Grand for a Cake Make You Miserable. Consider compiling your favorite candids from friends and family into a picture book or slideshow that you can look over whenever you’re feeling down.

Don’t focus on the imperfections. Even the best-laid wedding plans don’t go off without a glitch or two. But that cringeworthy toast or a wedding-dress malfunction shouldn’t put a damper on the beginning of your new life together. “Don't dwell on going back in time and changing any of the negative things that happened,” says Mauer. “Weddings are imperfect, and marriages are too. The important thing is that you're looking ahead to a very memorable future together.”

Plan another party. Put your new party-planning prowess to good use by plotting the next big bash, whether it’s a blowout for your new hubby’s birthday or a swank dinner party. Consider it the perfect opportunity to break in your brand new china or margarita mixer.
Find another goal to reach. Wedding planning probably ate up a significant portion of your brain power, energy and time over the past several months. Think of what you can accomplish with all of that free time you have now! Look for a new project to keep you occupied—moving up the corporate ladder, giving your house a makeover, or even prepping for your future family. “Come up with a plan to make your goal happen, and break it up into steps you can complete every day or every week or every month,” suggests Mauer. “Then they become wonderful things to look forward to.”

Go on a date. The romancing doesn’t end after the honeymoon is over. “It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking, ‘We're married now. We're not dating,’ and then let a little bit of romance fall by the wayside,” says Mauer. “But you're still newlyweds, and probably childless. Take advantage of this time and really enjoy each other.”

Have sex. “That seems to take people's mind off things, plus it releases endorphins and helps relieve stress,” says Mauer. “And, well, you're newlyweds. That's what you're supposed to do.”

Remember the big picture. No, we’re not talking about the wedding portrait. “Remind yourself that you have begun a much bigger adventure than a wedding—that is, learning to be married well,” says Doherty. A wedding is just one day—you should be looking forward to a lifetime together, and what’s next on the road ahead.

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