10 Things These Couples Wish They Knew Before They Got Married

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There are plenty of couples we just couldn't wait to see married: Jim and Pam from The Office, Leslie and Ben from Parks and Rec (I apologize. All my examples are fictional). And for good reason we wanted them hitched! Those couples really proved to us that they could survive a lot.

But marriage in real life is much harder. And if you opt to pursue a happy matrimonial union, it may be one of the hardest things you ever do. That's why we've rounded up some quality reflections from some introspective married folks. Here's what they wish they knew before they tied the knot:

1. Don't let the mentality of "her chore/my chore" build up.

"There isn't a chore in the house that takes more than 30 minutes to do (even laundry if you discount the time when the clothes are actually washing/drying). If you see something out of place, dirty, whatever, just clean it up. She'll do stuff, you'll do stuff."

2. Make sure you've had all of the talks.

"Kids — make sure you see eye to eye on when, how many, and how you'll raise them. Religion — make sure you guys have similar beliefs, or if you don't, an agreement on how religion will affect your lives through the next few decades. Time & Chores — make sure you have some agreement on who will do what when you live together. Actually, live together for a while and make sure that works in general. Money — Where is it coming from? How are you going to spend it? Will accounts be merged? What if you split up?"




3. Choose your side of the bed carefully.

"It will never change. Also… make sure you get at least one shelf in the bathroom cabinet."

4. Under no circumstance should a couple have to do everything together.

"Do things you want to do, have her do things she wants to do. She wants to go out? She should. You want to go out? You should."

5. Three words: private bank accounts.

"I think the best advice I could give would be to make sure each of you has access to your own private bank account. Use a joint account for bills and things like that but each of you should have a little something on the side so that you can retain some sense of financial freedom. For instance if you want to buy an Army of Darkness poster it won't start a 4-hour fight about who spends more of their money on what."

6. Think about how you'll both be when life really sucks.

"Things may be good now and you think you've had your struggles, but do you think that you and this person could maintain a relationship through really tough times? I'm not talking about big fights or drama that you or people around you have created, I mean really tough shit that only God throws at you because he's just that kind of a sonofabitch. Think honestly on that... don't glaze over it or say, ‘We love each other, so we would make it.' Love has nothing to do with it, it's about whether or not both of you use mature and effective communication, coping skills, etc.
Think about how you handle stress, how she handles stress, how resentments build, does she blame you often for circumstances out of your control (or you to her)? What would happen if one or both of you lost your job down the line and couldn't pay all of your bills, went into foreclosure, bankruptcy, etc. Do you think you could handle that? What about if you tried for years to have children only to find out that one of you is completely unable to do so and the other is completely healthy? Would you be able to work past all of the resentments, blame, shame, etc. on both sides? A lot of relationships are just strong enough to make it through the day to day, which a lot of young people think are the hard times, and when real problems hit, they crumble."

7. Know when you need to cool off.

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"Sometimes knowing when NOT to talk to your spouse is better than talking. I disagree full heartedly with the ‘never go to bed mad' idea. Sometimes its good to work things out right away. Other times you need to cool off. ‘Listen babe, I am upset right now and have a lot of things flying around in my head. I want to talk to you about this, but right now I can't think straight and need a bit of time to cool off.' Then go do something to relax a bit, collect your thoughts, and then talk. It's a helluva lot better than getting your thoughts mixed up and spitting out something you really didn't mean but said anyway because you're so raged. And if she ever says she needs to cool off, respect that and let her."

8. Plan out the week's meals in advance and know exactly what you are eating each day.

"This makes grocery shopping easier and saves you money since you won't be scrambling for food every night and just end up going out to a restaurant and dropping $50 on a meal you could have made for $5."

9. If you can, make sure the place you move into has separate rooms for each of you.

"You will both need your own space. I sleep with my wife every night. But we would have killed each other years ago, if I didn't have an office to retreat to and she, her own room."

10. Make sure you guys are awesome at resolving conflict.

"Do you have good communication skills with each other? Are you able to work through a problem without it blowing up into an argument? Acknowledge your differences, but make sure they are reconcilable."

[h/t Reddit]