By Jillian Kramer, BRIDES
Photo: Getty Images
"A healthy sex life
is a key ingredient to a happy, loving, and lasting marriage," says sex
expert Nikki Ransom-Alfred. Yet, "after the excitement of the wedding
day and settling into marriage, couples will often find that the
quantity and quality of sex will take a downturn." So what's a married
couple to do? Check out these eight things you're likely doing wrong
without even knowing it, and have fun correcting the problems beginning
tonight!
You're not doing the deed often enough.
"Sex is how you express love and desire for each other, and connects the
two of you on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level,"
Ransom-Alfred says. What's more, when you orgasm, your brain releases
dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin -- the love hormone -- that keeps you
crazy about your guy. "Discuss with your partner how often
he would like to have sex and then see how you two can compromise so
that all parties are satisfied," Ransom-Alfred suggests. Hint: The more
often, the merrier you both will be.
You're not openly discussing what you want.
"Couples are often embarrassed to discuss sex with each other, even
though they have it with each other," explains Ransom-Alfred. "Some are
nervous to talk about their wants and desires for fear of being judged
or turned down by the other." Start by telling your significant other
that discussion about sex and sexual desires are a safe zone. Then,
"talk with each other about sex acts that you've always wanted to try,
new sex positions, what turns you on, what turns you off, and more,"
Ransom-Alfred says. "This will only enhance your sex life together and
enhance your marriage overall."
You're playing it safe -- and repetitive -- when it comes to sex.
"It's common to become so comfortable in our relationship that we
neglect we need to keep our sex lives new, fresh and exciting," says
Ransom-Alfred. "Marriage is forever, and you can't expect to have the
same kind of sex for the rest of your lives. You will indeed get bored
in the bedroom and that spells trouble for the marriage." Ransom-Alfred
suggests cracking open the Kama Sutra for inspiration and new positions
you could try.
You're wearing your sweats to bed.
"We definitely need to keep it sexy in the bedroom, whether we've been
married for two months or two decades," insists Ransom-Alfred. "Taking
the time to be appealing for your partner shows them that you really
care about them, about looking good for them and about your marriage."
Make it a habit to slip into something silky when you get under the
sheets. "Or wear one of his T-shirts to bed if that's what he finds
sexy," she says. Of course, you can also go naked, too, and we doubt
your husband will complain!
You're not taking your time with foreplay.
"Discuss foreplay with your partner and ask what they like, what really
gets them hot and also how long he wants foreplay," suggests
Ransom-Alfred. "Sexiness starts in the mind, so foreplay should begin
well before taking your clothes off."
You're not spontaneous enough.
"Sex does not always have to happen at night, nor does it always have to be in the bedroom," Ransom-Alfred says. "Keep things spontaneous
by surprising your partner with a sex session in the morning, in the
shower while you two are getting ready, or the middle of the day."
Another tip to keep things extra-hot? "Call your spouse right before
lunch and have them meet you at home for a quickie!" she suggests.
You're not making your bedroom a pleasant place to make love.
"Many couples do not realize it, but the décor in your room will have
either a positive or negative effect on your mood," explains
Ransom-Alfred. "If your bedroom looks bland and boring, you will feel
the same when you enter it. Your bedroom is your sensual space, so you
want to feel sensual when you walk inside of it." Up the sex factor in
your personal space by investing in fresh flowers, scented candles and
plush pillows that beckon for romance.
You're not showing enough non-sexual affection.
"While a slap on the bottom or a sexual grope is hot, be sure to still
show your partner affection and love in non-sexual ways such as hugging,
massaging and holding them," advises Ransom-Alfred. That kind of
physical love and affection translates outside the bedroom, and last
until your next sex session. "The more loved a spouse feels, the more
open he or she will be sexually."
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