Picking a maid or matron of honor isn't always an easy choice. You're essentially playing favorites with your family
and friends. It's good to have people to choose from, but how can you
be sure you're making the right decision? Here's how to tactfully choose who you really want standing by your side on the most important day of your life.
Just because you have a sister, doesn't mean she has to be the maid
or matron of honor. Modern wedding etiquette doesn't put the bride under
any obligation to select any particular person, says Megan Velez of Destination Weddings Travel Group.
Instead, you should pick the person who you are closest to — and
definitely someone who is levelheaded and rational to help with planning
and day-of details. "If your sibling or in-law doesn't fit the bill,
find ways to involve her elsewhere," Velez says.
In some cases, your mother,
aunt, or even daughter may feel like the best choice. Looking a
generation up or down is fine of course, but remember that your mom will
have other duties to fulfill on your wedding day, so you may not
necessarily want her playing both roles, Velez points out. Similarly,
think about what any chosen MOH might be dealing with in her personal
life. It could be a new baby, a change of job, or a cross-country move.
If your potential right-hand woman is going through something stressful
or time consuming, keep in mind that she may not have a lot to give you
at the moment.
If you were chosen by a friend or relative to be her MOH
that also doesn't mean the favor automatically needs to be returned. As
Velez notes, your wedding could be many years later and your
relationship may have evolved over time. It wouldn't make sense to ask
her to be your best gal if that's not the case. That being said, there's
no rule limiting any bride to just one MOH, Velez says. "Consider
splitting the responsibilities and keeping everyone happy (and busy!),"
she adds.
Alternatively, you can opt out of picking a MOH entirely. "If you're
stuck in a tough situation, just don't choose a maid or matron of
honor," says Araceli Vizcaino-S of Azazie. "Instead, make them all bridesmaids and ask each one of them to be responsible for certain elements of the wedding. Once you've assembled your wedding party — with or without a maid of
honor — take a deep breath and stick to your guns. Then try to think
about whether anyone will be hurt by your decisions and plan to have a
quick chat. "Approach them quietly and explain your reasoning before
they find out from someone else," Velez suggests. Then consider giving
them a special duty on your wedding day, like a ceremony reading.
Vizcaino-S agrees that the decision requires careful consideration.
You don't want to regret your decision or have to take back your offer
and strain the relationship. And you want to make sure you're asking
someone who you'll be just as close with five or ten years down the
road. Once you've narrowed down the options to one — or two — special
someone(s) then just go ahead and pop the question!
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