Centerpieces turn out wrong? Not happy with your makeup trial? The
experts you hire are there to help you pull off a snag-free celebration,
but there’s no such thing as a perfect wedding. Here, solutions to
common dilemmas that may pop up when working with everyone from your
photographer and florist to your DJ
How do we politely ask our planner (who charges by the hour) to spend less time on certain things?
Before assigning a task to your planner, request an
hour-spent estimate or a flat fee. Some projects (stuffing envelopes,
assembling gift bags) are time-sucking vortices, so if your costs are
creeping up, do them yourselves. Set a time limit on the total amount
you’re willing to spend so you and your planner can agree on how best to
allocate her time and your cash.
I wasn’t that happy with the results of my wedding makeup
trial. Can I ask my vendor to do another trial for free, or should I
just find someone else?
It’s up to you to ask for adjustments during your meeting,
and for best results with any wedding vendor or pro, always offer some
direction first—whether they solicit your opinion or not. Going forward,
you have two options: If you think she can create a look you’ll love
once she has clear direction, offer to pay for a second trial. But if
you feel it’s just not going to work out, now is when you should part
ways.
How many bartenders per guest do I need for the cocktail hour?
“A good ratio is one bartender for every 30 people,” says contributing editor Peter Callahan, owner of Peter Callahan Catering
in New York City. If you’re celebrating with 150 loved ones, for
example, you’ll want five mix masters. “Also, designate four to six
waiters to pass prepoured beverages, which will help prevent bottlenecks
at the bar,” he says. Anything that doesn’t require shaking or stirring
is ideal for distributing on trays, such as glasses of wine, sparkling
water, or a signature drink.
Do we need to invite our justice of the peace to the reception?
Probably not. But the authority he or she brings is what
actually legitimizes the marriage, so it might feel abrupt to dismiss
him immediately after the service. Consider inviting your officiant to
the cocktail hour, especially if you spent much time working with him
preparing the service. That invite can be issued verbally. In a case
where the justice of the peace has no additional responsibilities and is
not previously known to you, you are not obligated to invite him—and he
is most likely not expecting an invitation. If your officiant helps you
rehearse, you may want to invite him to the rehearsal dinner. Justices
of the peace who charge for their time at a rehearsal, however, needn’t
be included.
A friend of mine, a part-time licensed baker who has designed
wedding cakes in the past, has strongly hinted that she wants to make
mine. I have reservations about working with a friend as a vendor,
though. How should I respond?
Lines do get blurred when you turn to a pal to provide a
service at your wedding, whether she’s an amateur or a professional.
“You’ll have to talk compensation, and that can get awkward between
friends,” points out real weddings editor Shira Savada. “Plus, you’ll be
providing feedback on her work, and how forthcoming you are will likely
be influenced by your personal relationship.” If you’re considering
going for it, then treat her as you would any vendor and request to see
photos of her wedding cakes. If you feel that it’s too big a gamble, you
could preempt her likely request to make your wedding cake by asking
her to contribute on a smaller scale by baking the groom’s cake. “She’ll
still feel as if she’s a special part of the celebration, and it will
take some of the pressure off,” Savada says. And if you just don’t see
it working out at all and want to hire someone else, turn her down
gently and emphasize the positive—that on your special day, you’d rather
have her by your side, not behind the scenes.
My friend, who’s training to be a florist, offered to do our
flowers, but we didn’t like the sample she made. Now what?
Your wedding isn’t the time to be guilt-tripped into
anything. Turn her down gently. Since she’s already invited to the
event, tell her you’ve decided to go with another florist so she can
focus on enjoying it, and you’d love it if she contributed something
smaller, such as flowers for the cake topper. That way it’ll feel less
like a consolation prize and more like an honor.
My friend is a professional photographer. Can I see if he’ll photograph my celebration at a discount?
Your first instinct may be, “why not?” After all, he’s your
friend. But if he makes a living as a shutterbug, it’s actually
inappropriate to request a reduced rate. You can certainly ask him to
take you on as a regular, paying client—and if he extends a discount,
feel free to accept it. However, you may want to reconsider hiring him
in the first place. Wedding photographers are constantly on the go, so
he won’t have time to enjoy the festivities. If you don’t feel right
about that, bring in your own pro, and ask your friend to share any
shots he snaps.
What do I do if the centerpieces turn out wrong?
Unfortunately, this isn’t a rare occurrence, which is why
it’s important that your contract have all the details in writing. Even
better, have a picture taken of the final chosen design, suggests Karen
Bussen, author of Simple Stunning Wedding Etiquette. “On the
wedding day, if the issue can’t be corrected on-site, ask your
photographer to be sure to document the centerpieces,” she says. “Then
let it go, and enjoy the happiest day of your life!” You wouldn’t want
an argument to cast a pall on the rest of the occasion. You can lodge
your complaint and attempt to get a refund—once you’ve returned from
your honeymoon and have your photo evidence in hand.
My friend had a really obnoxious DJ at her wedding. How can I avoid that?
Yours is a common fear, says Martha Stewart Weddings
contributing editor Claudia Hanlin of the Wedding Library in New York
City. Since the DJ is usually the reception MC, too, it’s important to
find a person who’ll set the right tone. A safe bet? Hire someone you’ve
heard before—preferably at another wedding (events like birthday and
anniversary parties have totally different requirements), or ask your
planner or venue manager for a recommendation. When you interview
potentials, Hanlin suggests being completely direct. “Discuss how he
should dress, what kind of music he typically plays, and pose specific
questions: How would he encourage guests to dance or liven up a lull?”
And—even if your best friend swears by his work—always ask to see him in
action, either in person or on a DVD. It’s the only way to make sure
your styles mesh. Most important, be clear about your expectations. If
you don’t want your wedding party introduced at the reception, say so.
Hate a certain song, band, or singer? Mention that, too. Once you decide
on a game plan, add it to the contract so everything is set in stone.
Are we required to feed the people we hire at the wedding?
Yes, and with good reason: The last thing you want is for
your musicians to flag just as revelers take to the dance floor. The
people you hire, including your event planner and videographer, are
putting on your affair so that you don’t have to. Work their meals into
your budget and consider it part of their fee. And instead of handing
out PB&J sandwiches while the rest of the crowd is dining on
Chateaubriand, talk to the caterers about staff meals and designate a
quiet spot for your team to eat during a break.
What staff do we tip and how much?
First, make sure gratuities weren’t included in fees you’ll already pay, then follow this standard tipping protocol:
Waitstaff (in lump sum) and Driver: 15 to 20 percent Makeup Artist and Hairstylist: 15 to 20 percent Catering Manager: 1 to 2 percent Bathroom Attendants: $1 per guest Coat Checker: $1 to $2 per guest Valets: $1 to $5 per guest Bartenders: $200 to $400 each Ceremony Musicians (optional): $50 each, or 10 percent of total fee to split DJ: 10 to 20 percent of fee Bandleader: at least $200, plus $50 per band member Officiant: $100, a thoughtful present, or a donation to their house of worship Note:
You do not tip business owners (say, your florist), so if you love
their work, give them the greatest gift of all: a rave review online.
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