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You say the two of you are tight. Rock solid. Impossible to tear apart. The two of you are a match made in heaven. An unbeatable team. Whatever the metaphor is for long-term bliss, you believe your relationship is it. The alpha and omega. Kismet.
And you may be right. There is one way, however, to measure up if your relationship is rock solid, or not. These 10 things will never happen if the two of you are really such an ironclad pair.
1. Cheating.
Don't tell us the two of you are a solid pair if there's constant cheating. I'm not just talking about having physical contact with another person; I'm talking about the emotional cheating: Facebook affairs and texting with another person who is not your partner.
If your partner is "loving" and "liking" every hot photo of every hot chick and completing the sentiment with sexy comments, this is cheating. This is disrespecting you. An ironclad relationship has no part of this nonsense.
2. Second-guessing.
Are you always looking at your partner's phone? Second-guessing everything your partner does or having insane suspicions constantly says your relationship is not rocks, but rather, paper.
3. Name-calling.
Everyone gets mad at each other, but a tight relationship doesn't get involved in name-calling or nastiness. A great relationship is respectful. Calling someone harsh names is not a sign of respect.
4. Having identical identities.
An ironclad, match-made-in-heaven relationship has signs of separation. By separation I mean the two parties have their own unique identities. They get to be who they want to be in the world around them, without the other trying to control how the party is framed or how the party reacts with other people.
Of course, both parties are respectful and maintain boundaries, but both people in the relationship have identities that are distinct outside of the relationship.
5. Controlling behavior.
A solid relationship NEVER involves one party controlling or monitoring the other person in any fashion. Any sign of control or manipulation is a sure sign of a negative relationship, not a solid one.
6. Walking on eggshells.
A solid relationship has two people who are able to clearly state how they feel about everything, from each other to politics. These two people never have to be reminded to be respectful with their words, because they just are. But either way, neither party censors the other. Both partners feel as if they can share their feelings with their partner without being shunned or hurt.
7. Asking for unreasonable accommodations.
A partner who is close with you and cares for you will never ask you to impossibly alter yourself. For example, an ex of mine ragged on me for being too sensitive. This wasn't something I could easily change. Could I change other things? Sure, but a person who loves you for you isn't going to ask you to alter something that is incredibly unreasonable.
8. Gaslighting.
Two people who deeply care and are committed to each other will not gaslight the other partner, making a "loved" partner doubt his or her own sanity or perception. Someone who does this is downright abusive. A loving and solid relationship has no time for this behavior.
9. Criticizing constantly.
Yes, a solid relationship is marked by honesty. However, two independent and loving humans don't feel the need to share every single thing with each other, especially if these things may be hurtful. A smart and loving partner will know when the keep his or her lips zipped. It's a sign of love and total devotion.
10. Relying on power dynamics.
Every partner has his or her own role in a relationship, but a solid couple will not rely heavily on power dynamics in which one party is completely and emotionally dependent on the other. A solid relationship requires people who know how to shift gears, take turns, and utilize each person's individual strengths to keep the relationship going.
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