Wording Invitations So Guests Know What’s Really Up

Invitations are your guests’ first glimpse into what your wedding will be like, so take the opportunity to share that feeling and mood with them. It’s important to pick words that reflect the experience you want to create with your Big Day. If, for example, you’re having a casual, informal affair, you don’t want to be very formal with the language of your invitations. Consistency is key.

Not sure where to start? Here are some considerations to keep in mind when creating your invitations.

The Basics
No matter what your invitations look like or the wording you choose, there are several must-haves that you’ll need to include: your names, your wedding date, the ceremony time and the ceremony location’s name and address. If you’re having a reception at the same place, you can write “reception to follow,” but if your reception is elsewhere or at a different time, you’ll want to include that information separately – either on the invitation itself or on a separate reception card.
If you have a wedding website, you can also include this on the invitation so guests will know where to look for more information. The way every piece of your invitation is worded should reflect the feeling, mood and personality of you and your fiancé’s Big Day.

The Plus One Debate
First of all, no – you don’t have to give everyone a plus one. However, you do need to make it clear who is invited. This should be clearly stated on the invitation’s envelope. If, for example, you were inviting a friend and his or her girlfriend, you would include both of their names on the envelope. On the other hand, if you’re inviting a cousin and allowing them to choose a plus one, you would address it to your cousin “and guest.” If you were just inviting an uncle with no plus one, you would simply address the envelope directly to him.

What’s Trending?
We’ve noticed that invitation wording, and stationery wording in general, has become more playful over the years. Rather than sticking to the old-fashioned “You are cordially invited to,” couples are using everyday language and slang to convey what they really want it to say. This is a fun trend and gives you more flexibility to truly evoke your personalities. It can be fun and playful, witty, silly, or simple and short – write them however it feels right!
As more and more couples are realizing that there’s no need to be buttoned up and formal, we’ve been seeing more and more personalization, which is always a great thing. Just be yourself and have fun with it!

5 Essential Things to Preserve From Your Wedding Day

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Photo: Getty Images

Your wedding day is over, you're back from your honeymoon and you are looking around for signs of your wedding to help you relive the best day of your lives. For couples who are sentimental, there are several things that you may want to save from your wedding, either for your own personal enjoyment or to pass these heirlooms and artificats on through your family generations. Creating a wedding keepsake box post-wedding can help you to create new traditions in your family. In order to do this, it's important to plan ahead to save your wedding day heirlooms. Here is a list of wedding heirlooms to consider preserving — and a few unexpected things that you may not have thought about adding to your "items to save" list.



Photo: Bonnie Sen Photography
Bouquet Preserving your bridal bouquet after your wedding is a beautiful way to commemorate the aesthetic of your wedding. If your florist knows that you want to save it, they can help you make sure that happens after your big day is over. If you are going to do the bouquet toss at your reception, you can also have your florist make you a tossing bouquet so that you don't have to throw your beautiful bridal bouquet and crush the flowers.


Photo: Getty Images

Cake and Topper
It can be tough to save the top tier of your wedding cake for a whole year, but it is possible if your cake designer and your caterer know about it in advance. It isn't uncommon for caterers to throw out the extra cake at the end of the night, if they aren't given specific instructions. In addition to the cake, be sure to make plans to save that cute, perhaps personalized, wedding cake topper that you worked so hard to find.



Photo: Lauren Werkheiser Photography
Paper Goods and Signs Be sure to send yourself a wedding invitation so that you can save it for after the wedding. Otherwise, you'll send all of the invites out and never get one for yourself! Many of the day-of-the-wedding paper goods and signs get tossed by the planner or event coordinator in the haste of staying on your wedding day's timeline. If there are signs and paper goods such as the ceremony programs or menus that you know you want to save, either set aside a copy in advance or designate a bridesmaid to be in charge of making sure those paper goods and signs are not thrown out.
See More: Wedding Keepsake Ideas to Always Remind You of Your Big Day



Photo: Renee Hollingshead Photography
Garter For brides who opt for this age-old tradition, your wedding garter is the perfect heirloom to save after your wedding. Start a new family tradition by passing it on through the generations as the "something borrowed" or "something old" among the brides in your family. If you are going to do the wedding garter toss at the reception, consider getting a small tossing garter so that you can keep the original.


Photo: Audra Wrisley Photography

Wedding Dress
Wedding dresses are the most common artifacts brides save after the wedding. If you aren't going to pass on the entire dress to future generations, perhaps use the material for something else — like a garter for a close relative, an ornate throw pillow, or a veil. If you are planning on saving your wedding dress, be sure to get it professionally cleaned before storing it away. Materials that aren't cleaned age faster and don't hold up well over time.

Can We Invite Guests Who Didn't Get a Save the Date?

Photo: Megan Clouse

So much happens during those first few months of wedding planning, from choosing a venue to putting together the guest list to designing invitations. And especially when a couple is on a shorter planning timeline, it can feel like decisions need to be made IMMEDIATELY. When it comes to guest lists, there can be a lot more politics and emotions involved than you would expect, making deciding who to send invitations to a drawn out conversation. Can you cut yourself a break by sending a smaller number of save the dates, then finalizing who gets an invitation later? Our experts weigh in.
The great answer is, yes! You can definitely add guests to your invitation list after you've sent out save the dates. This is great if you're still finalizing your guest count, or are trying to figure out if you'll invite second cousins as well as your college soccer team. Simply make a list of guests you 100% know you'll invite (most likely your families and closest friends) and send them a save the date so they can start reserving hotel rooms and booking flights, then spend that extra month or so deciding who else will be getting an invitation.
Worried that guests who didn't get a save the date will think they weren't invited at all? The best way to field questions about your guest list is to respond by saying that you're still finalizing the details. If it's someone who you've decided will definitely, without question be receiving an invitation, you can let them know that they'll be in the mail soon.
The big no-no? Doing the opposite and sending a save the date and not following up with an invitation. If you ask someone to save the date for your wedding, you must send this person an invitation to your wedding, whether you're not as close as you used to be or you are wishing you'd cut the guest list down further.

BRIDES New York: 3 Things to Look for When Choosing Your Custom Wedding-Invitation Designer

Photo: Courtesy of Ceci New York via Facebook
With Pinterest playing a huge role in wedding planning, it's easy to get dizzied by pin after pin of invitation designs... and even easier to crave something totally custom after seeing so many options!
We sat with couture NYC wedding stationery designer and expert Ceci Johnson, of Ceci New York, to chat about the overwhelming world of custom wedding invites — and how to make sure you pick the right design partner to suit your vision. Read on to learn Ceci's three point checklist for interviewing a custom invitation designer!
1. Design Capability
It's important that your designer is able to make your vision come to life. Do your research to be sure the designer's reputation and talent level is up to par with all you wish for your wedding. If you are truly looking for a couture experience, be sure that the designers are artists listening to you and creating from scratch, not just modifying templates. A custom experience should be just that — tailored perfectly to suit your individual style with no limits. Don't settle for anything less!

2. Quality
After you've worked so hard creating a custom design, you must ensure that your designer can deliver what they promised. "It's heartbreaking when I hear stories of clients that went elsewhere and were pitched one thing and then received something totally different — with errors, poor printing, or (even worse!) a product that was not delivered at all! I truly believe great design is only 50 percent of our job and the other 50 percent is execution and service. Ask what the designer's process is for quality checking orders," Ceci suggests. Your designer should be a perfectionist, double-checking each piece by hand to ensure each order is as promised.
See More: Still Cake-less? Browse Our NYC Cakes Page to Find Some Local Sweet Treats!

3. Experience
Consider how long the company has been in business before jumping headfirst into a contract or seeking out a less expensive option. You'll want to work with an established, reputable company that you are confident can bring your dreams to life (and will still be in business on your wedding date!). "With over eleven years in business, I'm proud that our clients know and trust our ability to manage both the big picture and all the tiny details," says Ceci.
From the etiquette and wording to design, printing and final delivery, there are so many parts that go into the process. "With all the time, effort and money you put into your wedding, it's worth it to find someone dependable, creative and with a sharp eye for detail to be sure it all comes together for you. Cutting corners, never works out in your favor."

5 Things No One Tells You Will Happen Once You've Sent Your Save-the-Dates

There are a few universal wedding planning experiences and feelings that tend to come up for just about every couple the moment they pop those save-the-dates in the mail. We've rounded them up for you here.

Photo by Carrie Patterson Photography

 

1. Friends and family will start to reach out.
While it may seem like a teeny task, sending your save-the-dates to your friends and family is one of those this-is-happening wedding planning moments -- for your guests that is. You may have gone over the details with your aunt on the phone or chatted with one of your bridesmaids about the dresses, but there's something that clicks as soon as a friend or family member gets your save-the-date. You'll start to get text messages, Facebook messages, Instagram posts and even phone calls from friends and family once they have their save-the-dates in hand. Expect there to be very specific questions at this point too, because this is the time your guests are most likely to start booking their flights and reserving their hotel rooms. (By the way, if you haven't already, now's a great time to reserve a block of hotel rooms.)

2. Your bridal party will get questions.
Same as above goes for your bridal party, especially if you happen to have a maid of honor who is known for her accountability. Some friends and family won't want to overwhelm you, so they'll go to those closest to you. To make it easy on everyone, send your bridal party and close family (aka your wedding VIPs) a quick email, giving them all the details they might need. Include a link to your wedding website, registries, and any pertinent travel and hotel information. All of this should already be on your wedding website, but trust us, they'll want to arm themselves with info just in case the questions come up.

3. Wedding planning will probably start to get more intense.
With all of the questions and details that come to light during this time, you'll probably start to feel a little more pressure around planning. Don't freak out -- it's completely normal. The best approach is to stay calm, refer to your wedding checklist often and keep it all in perspective (it's just one amazing day!).

4. You might be nervous...
This is also the point at which some couples start to question everything. Did we choose the right colors and theme? Should we have invited plus-ones? What will happen if it rains on the day of? Stop right there. Your wedding is going to be special no matter what. How can we be so sure? Because it's yours -- you two, your family and your friends. It's the people and the fact that you're bringing them all together for your wedding that's important (not the fact that you didn't upgrade the linens).

5. ...but you will most definitely feel excited.
Now's the fun part. Sure there will most likely be a few more panicky moments, and maybe even arguments between you and your fiance (or your mom!). But there will also be lots of late nights with your fiance and friends working on ceremony programs, cute signage for the ceremony, seating charts and escort cards that are filled with fun conversation. There will be cake tastings and talk of flowers and colors and all sorts of registry gifts arriving to your door. All of those little moments along the way are what make wedding planning so special. So have fun with it and get excited! You're almost there.

How to Assemble the Perfect Wedding Invitation

So you are planning for the biggest day of your life, and you have already decided on those select few (or hundred) guests that will be attending your magnificent wedding. The stage is set, the date has been chosen, and you have a massive amount of invitations just begging to be sent out.

So exactly how do you put together a classy invitation suite for your wedding? Where do you begin?

Genevieve Nisly Photography

Here are some materials that you’ll need to put together a formal wedding invitation:
• The wedding invitation itself
• Reception cards, announcing the location and details of your reception
• Response cards
• Response envelopes, stamped and labeled with a return address
• Directions/map cards
• Inner envelopes
• Outer envelopes
• Tissue Paper (optional): Traditionally, many couples used tissue paper to prevent their ink from smearing. With today’s more smear-free invites, tissue paper is more of a preference than a requirement.

Now that you have all of these materials, just follow this simple six step guide and get started on those wedding invitations!

STEP ONE:
Make sure that all of your envelopes (both inner and outer) are addressed and stamped accordingly before assembling. This way there won’t be any awkward writing-mark indentations on the wedding invitation. Consult this page for specific instructions on addressing your envelopes.

STEP TWO:
Insert the wedding invitation into the inner envelope, with the front of the invitation facing the open flap of the envelope. If you’re using tissue paper, now is the time you would want to break it out to place between each layer.

STEP THREE:
Next, you’ll want to place the reception card face-up on top of the invitation. Note that if the invitation is folded style, enclosures will be placed within the folded invitation – not on top.

STEP FOUR:
Place remaining enclosure cards (i.e. map card and hotel accommodations card) face-up on top of the reception card. If there are separate directions for the ceremony and the reception, make sure that the directions to the ceremony are on top of the directions to the reception.

STEP FIVE:
Place the reply envelope on top of the enclosure cards – the reply card itself should be tucked under its envelope’s flap. Make sure to place face-up so that the printed side of the reply card is visible. Contrary to somewhat popular belief, do not place the reply card inside of the reply envelope.

STEP SIX:
After you have all of these elements inserted into the inner envelope, slip the unsealed inner envelope into the outer envelope with the names facing the back flap.

With these six easy steps, you’ll have your wedding invitations finished and sent out to your guests in no time. Not only will it make it easier for you by following these simple steps, but your invitations will have a classy appeal that everyone will be talking about until the big day.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette Dos and Don'ts

With the popular summer wedding months right around the corner, most couples are deep into the planning process. But when it comes to invitation and RSVP etiquette, it's often times confusing for the happy couple and their guests. What is the proper protocol?

Here are some helpful tips:

For guests who don't RSVP and show up anyway: While you should make contact ahead of time with those who don't respond, don't make a big fuss of it on your wedding day if someone shows up who didn't RSVP. Yes, it's rude on their part, but simply ask a trusted friend or staff member to find them a seat and let them stay. The caterers typically prepare about 10% more food than required so it should not be a big problem.

For guests who show up with their children: A gentle way to deal with this situation is to have the family table off to the side or back of the reception area. That way if the children are disruptive, their parents can whisk them off quickly. Better yet, when you send out the wedding invitation, provide the name of reputable babysitter in your area who is willing to accommodate parents who want to attend the wedding.

Your friend's significant other is now her ex: This can be incredibly awkward but happens more than you might think. Etiquette says that if the invitation is addressed to your friend and a guest, she is free to bring whomever she chooses. However, if you address the invitation to your friend and her significant other by name, technically they're both on the guest list. If they're no longer together, you should allow her to bring someone else. You may want to have some spare place cards on hand with the word, "guest," written on them, just in case this happens.

Your parents want to invite all their friends but you want a small gathering: He who foots the bill has the power. If your parents are paying for the wedding, you certainly should consider whom they'd like to invite, however, it's still your wedding. Have a private and honest discussion with your parents if you are uncomfortable with their choices. Try to reach a reasonable compromise.

Never include registry information in your invitation: This is outright tacky and a big no-no. People will usually ask you directly, or ask a parent or other family member where you are registered. It's fine to list this information if you have a wedding website.

Asking for money versus a gift: It's becoming more common nowadays for couples to request money instead of gifts, particularly if they just moved into a new home, want to go on an exotic honeymoon, or if they have been married before. Guests may either choose to give money or a gift, depending on their financial situation.

The appropriate wedding invitation and RSVP timeline: Save-the-date cards are best sent approximately four to six months before the wedding. Invitations should be sent approximately five to six weeks before the wedding. The RSVP date should be two to three weeks before the wedding. Thank-you notes should go out as soon as possible, but try not to wait any longer than two months after the wedding. Handwritten thank-you notes are still the best way to go even in a digital world.

8 Unique Save-The-Date Ideas

 Our favorite thing about save-the-dates? There are no rules! Your invite-before-the-invite can be as fun and creative as your personality. This will be the first peek into your wedding for guests, so make it count! We’re sharing 8 innovative save-the-date ideas that are sure to inspire.

1. Take a look inside! A vintage window is all you need to create an absolutely adorable save-the-date.Royce Sihlis Photography
2. Feeling artsy? This sweet and playful save-the-date, created with chalk, could not be cuter.The Ones We Love Photography
3. All hands on deck! This couples’ nautical themed save-the-date is the perfect way to get guests excited about all to come. Brooke Images 
4. Are you ready for your close up? A mock movie poster is perfect for couples who are ready to step into the spotlight!
5. No bones about it! Incorporating your pets into your save-the-date is a surefire way to have everyone saying “Aww”.George Street Photo & Video
6. We’re falling for this fall inspired save-the-date. Just because it was a summer wedding, doesn’t mean this couple couldn’t capture the beauty of another season! George Street Photo & Video
7. Kick up your heels! This rustic style save-the-date is a perfect representation of this couple’s laid back style. Jeremy Harwell
8. You won’t want to miss these coming attractions. If you ask us, this save-the-date is movie magic! Katie Deobald Photography

-Melissa Hammam

How to Invite a B-List Guest To Your Wedding Without Being Rude

By: Amy Levin-Epstein

 

Without a doubt, narrowing down your guest list is one of the most stressful situations you’ll deal with while wedding planning. If you haven’t already done it, trust us—it can be a painful process for couples as well as their families (in some cases, especially the families). And when you, your fiancé, and your fams can’t find room to budge another inch, a B-list can seem like a pretty nice solution. The big risk? Having anyone find out that they’re on the B-list (yikes!). Here’s how to avoid this invitation faux pas and the resulting hurt feelings—while adding a couple more friends and family to your fete.

Put your b-list together early
Ideally, you should have your list of later additions ready to go at the same time as you put together the rest of your list. Decide who will be invited next and consider groupings (for instance, if you are inviting one friend do you have to invite two others, or if you invite one co-worker do you have to invite the whole office). Then adjust your b-list plan accordingly.

Order extra invitations
If you think you might be sending a second set of invitations, prepare for it ahead of time. Not only will it help make the process smoother, it’ll save you some serious cash since buying invitations in small batches is much more expensive than ordering them in a single shipment.

Don’t wait too long
As soon as you have space on your list, starting sending the B-list invites. This is particularly important if guests are traveling, since they’ll need time to book their plane tickets and hotel rooms. But it will also prevent knowledge of the b-list from becoming public. (In other words, your gossipy Aunt Sally probably hasn’t asked all the cousins if they’ve been invited just yet.)

Remember your RSVP date
One of the dangers of a B-list is sending invitations out with a too-tight RSVP date for your new additions. To avoid this, considering sending out your first set of invitations a little earlier (instead of 6 to 8 weeks before the date, aim for 10 weeks). If this is impossible, consider ordering some invitations with a later response date.

Bride Tells Off Parents In Amazing ‘F*ck You’ Non-Invitation To Wedding (Photo)

A bride-to-be uninvited her parents to her wedding and did not mince words while doing so.
The bride sent a classy-looking invitation to her parents telling them they are not welcome at her wedding ceremony.
She then posted the note to Reddit. The bride wrote,

So my narcissistic parents abused me for 16 years before I ran away from home. Now they’re trying to bully their way (via family, they haven’t bothered to speak to me personally) into getting an invitation to my wedding. There was really only one way to respond.

The bride’s response is full of hate and vitriol for her parents, but based on her description, it seems they deserve it.
Here’s the harsh letter; note the fancy cardstock it was printed on:

---

That’s one badass bride.

Who You Should Invite to Your Wedding

Time to start your wedding guest list! But where do you even begin? Follow our simple guidelines to create a wedding guest list that you’re comfortable with.
Come up with a target guest count
First, decide if you’d like your wedding to be small (under 150 people) or bigger (over 150 guests). Then, start jotting down names of all of the people you think should be invited to your wedding. Write down the names in this order, and then count to come up with a preliminary number.

• - Immediate family members (parents, siblings and families, grandparents)
• - Closest friends
• - Close family members
• - Friends
• - Friends of your families
• - Old friends
• - Distant relatives
• - Co-workers (both yours and your parents’)
• - Others

If the number is too high, you can start to cut guests from the bottom category and work your way upward.
Split the list
If your parents are paying for part or all of the wedding, then you’ll have to get their input into who you’re inviting. Ask each set of parents to write down their “dream guest list” and give them a target number. Be prepared to discuss the list with your parents – especially if they invite more people than you requested.
Make rules – and stick to them!
You don’t have to invite children, dates for single guests or co-workers. But once you make a rule, stick with it – and don’t make any exceptions or risk offending people.
Don’t forget
Remember that about 20 percent of those you invite will be unable to attend your wedding. If you’re having a wedding in your and your future spouse’s hometown, that percentage will be smaller, but if you’re having a destination wedding in a faraway place, it will be higher.

Things You Should Never Say on a Wedding Invitation

Photo: Julie Song Ink

 
Sometimes, what's not said on your wedding invitations is as important as what is said. Yes, you need your guests to know when and where you're getting married, as well as who is hosting, but other things are better left unsaid. Your invites and stationery are still very much tied to etiquette customs and traditions, and as such, should abide by those proper rules. Here, some information that should never be included on or placed inside a wedding invitation:


Registry or gift information: Although a wedding invitation requires a gift in return, it is in extremely poor taste to insert a "helpful" list of places where the bride and groom are registered or a checklist of the things they want or don't want. This information should be shared with parents and attendants who can be resources for guests who want to know. The wedding website is also a perfectly appropriate place to share this information.


The inclusion of "No Children:" Never print "No children" or "Adults only" on an invitation. The way an invitation is addressed, whether on the outer or inner envelope, indicates exactly who is — and by omission who is not — invited to the wedding.


Alcohol information: It is unnecessary to put "Alcohol Free" or "Wine and Beer Only" on the invitation. Surely this information will not be the deciding factor as to whether or not guests attend. You are inviting them to a wedding, not a cocktail party.

Top 10 Wedding Invitation Etiquette Q&As

Your invites are one of the most important elements in your day because they provide guests with crucial information. And while some details of your wedding don't follow a strict set of rules, your invitations do have a set of hard-and-fast rules to follow. Scan these etiquette Q&As for answers to your most pressing wedding-invite-related questions.


Q. When should we send out our wedding invitations?

A. Traditionally, invitations go out six to eight weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements if they don't live in town. If it's a destination wedding, give guests more time and send them out three months ahead of time. Most couples also send out save-the-date cards. They go out at six to eight months.

Q. When should we make the deadline for RSVPs?

A. Make your RSVP date two to three weeks before your wedding date -- this will allow enough time for you to get a final head count to the caterer (one week before) and to finalize your seating chart. If some guests still haven't responded by your deadline, give them a quick call and ask for their RSVPs (still via mail) so you have all their information.

Q. Where do we include information about our wedding website?

A. Your wedding website should be included on your save-the-date. A simple “AmandaandJon.com,” is all you really need. If you'd like (or if you don't have save-the-dates), you can include the web address in the formal invitations with an insert -- a small card that informs guests they can find more details online.

Q. Can we include our registry info on our invitations or save-the-dates?

A. In a word, no. Including registry info on the wedding invitations or save-the-dates is still considered impolite because it can come off as though you're asking for gifts. Tell your wedding party, parents and close friends where you are registered, and let them fill guests in. Plus, most guests will know that all that extra information (that they didn't find on the invitation) is on your wedding website.

Q. We're having an adults-only wedding (no kids). How can we make sure this is clear to our guests?

A. Address your invitations correctly -- to each guest by name, not “and guest” -- and guests should understand that the invite is meant for only those mentioned. If you find that some reply with their children's names added, give them a call and explain that you're having an adults-only wedding and that you hope they can still attend. If there are a lot of kids in your family, you may want to consider hiring or arranging for a babysitter. It's definitely not required, but it's a nice gesture. Just be sure to include this information on the wedding website.

Q. How do we let guests know our dress code?

A. The easiest way to get your point across is to include a dress code in the lower right-hand corner of the invite or on a reception card; “black-tie,” “cocktail attire” or “casual attire” are all acceptable. Your invitation design will also clue guests in. An ultra-formal, traditional invite with letterpress and calligraphy will give guests a hint to the formal nature of the event, whereas a square invite with a playful font and bright colors would fit a much more casual style. Another way is to direct guests to your wedding website, where you can go into more detail about the weekend events and dress code in a more informal forum.

Q. Do we have to invite every guest with a date or a “plus-one”?

A. No, you don't have to. If a guest isn't married or in a serious relationship, it's perfectly acceptable to invite them solo. Most guests will understand that without “and Guest” or another name on the invitation means they aren't invited with a plus-one. While it's always nice to invite everyone with a guest, if you're having a small wedding, your family and friends should understand your reasoning. What to do if a guest RSVPs for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. But if you realize that nearly everyone will be coupled up, extend a plus-one invitation to your few single friends and family.

Q. Where do you put the return address on wedding invitations?

A. The return address usually goes on the back flap of the envelope. Also, the return address used should be that of the person(s) whom you've designated to receive response cards -- be it your parents or you (traditionally, whoever is hosting the wedding handles response cards). Don't forget that the RSVP envelope should also be printed with this address (and should include postage).

Q. If our wedding reception is for immediate family only, is it okay to invite people to the ceremony only?

A. In a word, no. Everyone who attends the ceremony (or bridal shower, engagement party or wedding reception) should be invited to the wedding -- that means the ceremony and the reception. In your case, by inviting guests to one and not the other, you're basically saying you want them there for the actual ceremony but you either don't want to pay for their plate at your party or don't care enough to have them there to actually celebrate your newly-married status.

Q. I invited my friend and her boyfriend (by name on the invite) to the wedding, but they recently broke up. Now she wants to bring a friend I don't like -- can I tell her no?

A. Because you worded the invitation correctly by having her boyfriend's name on the envelope (rather than “and guest”), you have every right to say no. As a rule, invitations are nontransferable when people are invited by name. Try explaining that you're not friendly with her proposed guest and you'd prefer that the wedding be limited to very good friends and family. If you invited all of your single friends sans dates, let her know she won't be the only one coming solo (in case that's her worry).

10 Tips For Hosting An Eco Friendly Wedding

We’ve all heard of the reducing, reusing and recycling, but applying these eco-conscious concepts to your wedding might leave you feeling like you have to sacrifice the glamour. However, decorating with eco-friendly elements can be both gorgeous and kind to the earth. Read on for ten tips to making your eco-friendly wedding an absolute stunner.

The Internet Is Your New Best Friend
Setting up a wedding website might seem like a huge dedication, but many companies offer a simple process and free templates. Setting up this website will give your guests all the important wedding info they need without the giant carbon footprint.

Go Paperless
Wedding invitations are incredibly costly and often get tossed once the event has ended. Consider using an e-vite like Paperless Post.

Recycle It
If you truly have your heart set on printed materials for your wedding day, recycled paper is both naturally beautiful and sturdy.

Fresh Takeaways
Offer guests succulents or fresh local fruits to take home with them. Edible wedding favors will definitely be consumed and enjoyed while a trinket will most likely be tossed!

Shabby-Chic
As soon as wedding planning begins, frequently stop at local thrift stores and look for vintage books, mirrors, mason jars and vases. These are inexpensive décor and are a great way to reuse and recycle.

Hit the Hay (Or Straw)Instead of traditional wedding chairs, consider using bales of hay from a local farm or distributor. Cover the bales with recycled fabrics in bright colors and varying patterns.

Going with Glass
A huge trend right now is using glass mason jars. These are both eco-friendly and completely fabulous for a rustic or garden wedding.

Why We Love Wood
Use wooden fruit crates to hold flowers, fresh fruits or vegetables. Ask your local grocery store if they have crates they’re disposing of to save on cost.

Beloved Burlap
Any eco-girl knows the beauty of burlap. This plant based textile is hardy and weather-resistant, ideal for outdoor garden weddings!

Donate It
Instead of using printed materials for menus and place cards, use chalkboards or old window panes. Donate the items when wedding celebrations are over or use them as rustic home décor.

--Keely-Shea Smith

How To Deal With Wedding Guests Who Don't RSVP On Time

The rules of wedding etiquette are constantly changing, making it difficult for modern brides, grooms and guests to find up-to-date and correct information. That's why we've launched #MannersMondays, a weekly series in which we ask our followers on Twitter and Facebook to submit their most burning etiquette-related questions. Then, with the help of our team of etiquette experts, we get you the right answers to your biggest Big Day dilemmas. Check out this week's question below!





Anna Post -- great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post and author of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette -- is here to help us answer this week's question. Find out what she had to say below:


"Necessary? No. But I think you’ve answered your own question: You don’t want surprises. Unfortunately, some people do just show up, thinking it isn’t a big deal, when in fact it can cause a huge amount of stress, distraction and annoyance on a day when those are the last things you want to experience.

So that means you need to make some phone calls. There’s a good plan of attack for this, but first, a word on fairness. This isn’t fair — you have put a lot of effort and expense into planning a wedding. The least a guest can do is acknowledge your desire to include them with a yes or no (there’s even a convenient little form with check boxes! And a self-addressed, stamped envelope!) But if it’s the position you find yourself in, you might want to take a moment and think about the big picture: There’s a reason you invited this person in the first place, and presumably you still want them to share in your Big Day. Letting annoyance drip from your voice when you call — even though they are in the wrong — won’t do much good.


After you’ve squared away any frustration, start making calls about a week before you need to give your numbers to the caterer and/or venue. (Note: It’s smart to set the RSVP date a week or two prior to this deadline.) This is a great time to enlist any offers of help from close friends, family and members of the wedding party to help you make calls. Remember that this is not required duty -- it’s a favor. When you call, start by giving your errant guest the benefit of the doubt: 'I wanted to be sure you received our invitation. I need to give final numbers to my caterer on Friday, and wanted to know if you’ll be able to attend. We hope you can! Thanks.' If you are worried this won’t cover it, you can always add, 'I won’t be able to change the numbers after this.'


There’s no need for lengthy explanations — 'numbers to the caterer' in a wedding setting is about as clear as it gets. And, if someone does roll in on the wedding day who never replied, save any lecture on inconvenience for a later date. Delegate someone else to alert the caterers and squeeze them in — and hopefully it won't be at the kids' table."

Six Wedding Invitation Mistakes to Avoid

In The Emily Post Institute's latest book, Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette: 6th Edition, Emily's great-great-granddaughters Anna and Lizzie Post tackle modern-day wedding questions that the original etiquette expert never could've dreamed about, from how to use (wisely) use technology, the rules for same-sex weddings, and much more. Here, the fourth generation of Posts tackle the biggest wedding invitation mistakes.

Photo Credit: Paperfinger via Lover.ly

Before you okay your proofs or send your invitations to the printer, review them for the following:
Check, double-check, and then have others check the wording. Be particularly attentive to spelling, the correct names and addresses of ceremony and reception sites, and the correct date and time.

Avoid any mention of gifts or listing of gift registries. Also, don’t include a notation such as “No gifts, please,” tempting as it may be. This keeps the entire focus of the invitation on the person you are inviting, not on any implied obligation to bring a gift. You can put registry or charitable-giving information on your website, or have family members and attendants help spread the word.

Don’t write “Adults only” or “No children” on the invitation. If you aren’t inviting children to your ceremony or reception, then simply don’t list their names on the inner envelope (or outer, if there is only one) of their parents’ invitation.

Dress notations aren’t included on invitations to the ceremony, unless the ceremony and reception invitations are combined. If it’s essential to indicate “black tie” or the rare “white tie,” add the notation to the reception invitation in the lower right corner.

References to alcohol service aren’t included on invitations, although menu choices may be listed on reply cards.

Don’t use stick-on labels to address your invitations; they are far too impersonal. Plan ahead and take the time to hand-address your invitations, or hire a calligrapher or someone with good handwriting to do it for you.

—Anna Post and Lizzie Post, as seen in Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette: 6th Edition. Published with permission from It Books/HarperColilns Publishers. © 2014 The Emily Post Institute.

7 Tips for Preserving a Marriage 20+ Years

Lynne Gold-Bikin

Partner, Family Law Practice Group at Weber Gallagher

 

 

When we were growing up, we learned that couples in fairy tales always "lived happily ever after." But we never discussed what happened after "happily ever after." It turns out that this is when the real work begins. Marriage is not easy. We are taking two people who have come from different households and maybe different backgrounds, and expecting them to just get along. In this country, we do not teach people how to be married, and this is one of the failings of our system. Here is a list of 7 suggested tips for preserving a marriage for the long-term:


1) The first thing you should learn in a marriage is how to communicate with each other. That means that if you want to request a change in someone's behavior, you have to use "I" stems rather than "you" stems, which are by nature accusatory. Remember that all communication should be based on how you feel about your partner's behavior and what changes you would like to see take place.

2) Always remember to stay on topic. If you are having a discussion about something that bothers you, you should stick to that discussion and not bring in outside issues, aka "the kitchen sink." For example, if your partner comes home late for dinner, the fact that he or she forgot your birthday last year should not be part of the discussion. Focus, focus, focus. Tell him or her how you feel. Use "I" words rather than belittling and personal attacks.

3) Listen to what the other person is saying. Just because someone says something does not mean you have to respond immediately. Try listening -- if your mouth is working, your ears probably are not. The most important thing to remember about an argument is that it is just a blip in the relationship and not a volcano that you allow to explode and end the relationship.

4) Make a date with your spouse. Life goes on. Children grow and have needs. Business and your career may seem very important, but if you do not give priority to your spouse, there is likelihood that someday you will not have one. In other words, make a date and keep it. If Wednesday is date night, nothing changes date night unless someone has been hit by a car. This is the night that you prioritize and you let your spouse know he or she is so important that nothing will interfere: business, children or anything else.

5) Learn how to have a fight. Every couple will have fights during the course of their marriage, and this is not the end of the world. If fighting is done properly, it can actually build the relationship. All fights should be brief and -- if possible -- scheduled. It's okay to be really angry, it's okay to blow your top, but you should schedule a time for it, and limit it. You should not drag up old business, but instead focus on the issue and say, "I'm really angry and here is why." Screaming at someone does not really move the ball. If you are trying to blow off steam and get a point across, make your point, and move on.

6) Make a point of saying something nice to your spouse every day. It can be as simple as "thanks for doing the dishes," or "I like your new haircut." People listen better when you start a conversation by saying something positive.

7) Stay in touch with your spouse. We tend to talk more to the people we work with versus the person we live with. Marriage does not give anyone the ability to read minds. Taking time at the end of each day to share your experiences is important to keeping in touch with each other. If you want changes in your career, to go back to school, or to redecorate the living room, share it. Many divorcing couples have just "grown apart." Don't let that happen to you.

None of these suggestions are easy, but they are designed to make a better marriage. 20 years with the same person is a long time. If you want to make it 20, or 40, or 60 years, you need to learn the meaning of communicating in a positive way, fighting appropriately, and putting your spouse first. These suggestions are designed to ensure the strength of your bond. And while getting along with someone that was raised differently than you were is a difficult process for the long haul, these tips should help make it easier and, ultimately, more rewarding.

6 Ways You're Leading on Uninvited Wedding Guests

Meredith Bodgas

Blogger, MeritalBliss.com

 

 

 

 

 

People understand when you can't invite them to your wedding. With the exception of a house and your children's college education, your reception is the single most expensive thing you'll ever fund. But just as there's a code to which your acquaintances stick (or should stick) regarding what they can and can't say to you, the bride who's not inviting them, there are some unspoken rules to which you should adhere -- like avoiding these things.

1. Including them on your engagement announcement.
Whether you send a text, an email or a Facebook message, there's a reason you're choosing the people with whom you share your happy news -- and not sending a note to everyone in your contacts list. It's because you're close-ish with them. And people who are on the borderline for getting on your wedding guest list may assume they've made the cut if they learn you're betrothed from a personal note from you. A better way to spread the word: Post on your social network of choice without tagging specific folks (after you've alerted the people in your inner circle, of course). Most Facebook buddies know when you're not actually friends.

2. Offering up unsolicited wedding details.
If someone you probably won't invite asks about your wedding, tell them. If someone doesn't ask about your wedding, don't bring it up. It's as simple as that.

3. Going too much into detail when they ask about your wedding.
When an acquaintance asks, "When/where are you getting married?" the answer they're likely looking for is "this fall in Vermont," not "October 22nd at 4:00 p.m. at Great Lodge in Burlington, Vermont" (I'm making up this location; don't bother Googling). When you give them a precise time and place, they may assume it's your way of telling them to save the date. Psychos like me may press for more info because I love talking about wedding specifics, but normal people care only if they're invited.


4. Admitting that your wedding will be big.
Even if you're expecting 300, don't ever let on that your guest list is as long as Rapunzel's hair to someone who may suspect she's invited. She'll think, "Surely, I'm in the top 300 people this bride knows!" And while she may very well be, every couple learns that a large percentage of people at your party are there because your parents demanded it. The person to whom you're speaking may not realize this and will then take offense thinking that there are 300 others' company you prefer over hers.

5. You go to her wedding.
All things being equal -- and those things include guest list size, budget, and friendship strength at the period of time you each tie the knoy -- attending someone's nuptials before your own makes that couple believe they'll watch you get hitched. If you're invited to a wedding and there's no chance in hell you'll reciprocate the invite to your similarly sized/funded affair, decline. You're going only for the free food and booze and not because you give a crap about those people.

6. You tell them they're invited.
It should be a no-brainer, but it's not: Don't guarantee anyone a seat at your wedding until you've stuck their invitation in the mail. Hell, I made this mistake because I didn't realize I'd have to change to a more expensive venue four months before my big day -- and cut my list of people I wanted to attend. When someone assures me I'm invited (never after my prodding, for the record), I make sure they know it's cool if they wind up changing their mind. Still, you're better off not promising anyone except your nearest and dearest because things change.

10 Rules for a Wedding Guest List

Dan Urman

Contributor, OZY

 

 

Why you should care: They're going to be in your wedding photos for the rest of your life, so you'd better make sure they're the right guests.


The Emily Post Institute, America's "definitive source" for social etiquette, has an entire website devoted to wedding etiquette. But the guidelines leave a lot to be desired, particularly for any of us planning weddings in the 21st century.


How do you handle those difficult questions that the Post family never envisioned? For example, in the age of social media, how do you decide which of your several hundred "friends" to invite after you've posted your engagement photos online? Do you put anyone on a wait list? Having attended dozens of friends' and family members' weddings and seen these questions come up repeatedly, I decided to investigate what the relevant etiquette sources had to say on the subject. And finding them lacking, I ultimately came up with my own list of rules that I have been sending friends for years to help them in their quest to generate the best and most appropriate wedding guest list.
First, start with a master list. This includes all the people you think you should invite, are thinking about inviting or whose wedding you (willingly) attended within the past two years.
Then you start cutting. Here are 10 rules to keep in mind as you decide who makes the cut.

1. If you live in the same city as the potential invitees and don't see them outside of events organized by mutual friends, then you shouldn't invite them. These are not your friends; these are your friends' friends.
2. If when you visit the town where the potential invitees live, you don't call them or plan to see them, then they shouldn't be insulted when you don't invite them to your wedding.
3. If you wonder "What do they want?" when a person calls you, then they should not be at your wedding.
4. If you or your betrothed has had sexual relations with a person, then the one who did not engage in such relations has veto power over the invite.
5. For co-workers, apply the "but for" test: If the company dissolved tomorrow, would you still be friends with them? But for your job, do you have anything in common?
6. If the potential recipient has never met your significant other (and especially if they don't even know who they are), then don't invite them. They shouldn't meet your spouse at the wedding. That's for your weird uncle.
7. Family matters: If your parents want to invite friends of theirs that you do not know (or barely remember), then your parents should help offset the costs. It isn't fair for them to ask you to play without helping to pay. If the bride's family is paying for the wedding, she gets more invites than you do. If the bride and the groom are paying for the wedding themselves, they should share invites equally.
8. When it comes to "plus ones" or guests of guests, "no ring, no bring" is a nice goal, but it isn't realistic. People in your wedding party get to bring a guest, but for everyone else, if you haven't met the person's significant other or heard much about them, then you shouldn't feel obligated to extend an invitation. Let the burden be on your guest to ask about bringing someone. "Plus ones" can drive the number of guests and the cost of your wedding sky-high.
9. For any potential invites still on the fence, think about your relationship with this person five years from now. Is there a chance you will look at wedding pictures and say, "Who is that? I cannot believe they were at my wedding!"
10. For any other potential invitees on the margins, one final factor to consider is what kind of guest they would make. In particular, can they carry a table? Table carriers are those people who can play the role of MC/host because nobody knows each other, which is particularly good at a "leftovers" or "scrubs" table. Incredibly, many people just won't bother to talk to fellow wedding guests at their table for hours unless they are prompted.

Like any set of rules, there are always exceptions, so use your best judgment. Finally, you need to be prepared for that incredibly painful moment when someone says, "Congratulations! Am I invited?" Here's a wonderful opportunity to deploy a phrase that you'll use countless times after you have said your vows: "Let me check with my spouse/partner and get back to you."

Photo of the Week

Last December, San Jose, CA hairstylist Jen Bulik received the worst news possible and was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. She and her boyfriend of six years, Jeff Lang, a yoga instructor, decided to marry as soon as possible. Due to time constraints, her illness and limited finances, they planned to have a very low-key backyard barbecue.

That is, until Jen's friend, Emily LeDeau, posted Jen's story on a Facebook group page for wedding professionals. Enter wedding planner Erica Ota, who spotted the post and immediately responded. She offered her services, met with the couple and was so moved by their story that she decided to give them a wedding they could only dream about. "As a former social worker, I met countless people with terminal illnesses but was only able to offer emotional support. However, as a wedding planner, I now had the ability and resources to do a lot more for them," says Erica.

With only two weeks to plan, Erica started to pull together all the details. She looked at Jen's Pinterest board to get an idea of the "rustic chic" wedding Jen truly wished for and, with the help of Jen's friend, Emily, and Erica's intern, Elizabeth Tarantino, secured over 65 vendors to donate everything from decorative items like chalkboards, wands, and wood signs, to a guest book quilt, succulent favors and mason jars. Several wig companies also provided custom-made wigs that Jen loved wearing on her wedding day. It was a Herculean task, but Erica worked 'round the clock to secure place settings, furniture, rustic wood tables and chairs and more.

It all came together, and on July 27, 2013, under the Redwood trees of Saratoga Creek Park in San Jose, Jen and Jeff walked down the aisle surrounded by 120 family and friends, who had received e-mailed invitations just two weeks in advance. The couple selected their own readings, picked their own rituals and asked their friend, Anne, who had introduced them, to be their officiant. They were in awe of Erica's efforts and by everything she had accomplished for them, calling her their very own "Olivia Pope" (the main character on TVs "Scandal") who had made the impossible happen.

Needless to say, Jen and Jeff were amazed at the outpouring of love and support they received not only from Erica and their friends and family but also from complete strangers -- all of the vendors who offered donations so they could have a wedding they never thought possible. "I had no idea that people were so giving," said Jen. "I feel more gratitude than I have ever felt in my entire life."