5 Wedding Shower Rules That Were Made to Be Broken

Yeah, we said it — forget all those wedding shower “rules”! If a traditional get together just doesn’t suit your style, don’t worry. Here are five guidelines you can totally ignore.

Photo Credit: Charlie Juliet on Inspired By This via Lover.ly

1. Rule: No boys allowed

If this gender norm weirds you out, forget it! Co-ed wedding showers are becoming more common. Just be sure to keep it selective (that is, you don’t need to invite every guest who’s invited to the wedding).

2. Rule: A luncheon is a must

Not really feeling finger foods and tea sandwiches? The truth is, a wedding shower can be any kind of event you want! How about a breakfast bash at your favorite restaurant? Or a pizza party at a bowling alley? Or maybe even a trip to a winery?

3. Rule: You’ve gotta give home goods

Wedding registries have seriously evolved over the years, and shower gifts have gone along for the ride. If you’re hosting, you may consider suggesting a gift theme, like honeymoon must-haves. If you’re a guest, you can look to the registry for ideas or opt for something a little more personal.

4, Rule: Wedding shower games are required

No, traditional shower games are not mandatory. But if you think guests will enjoy an activity, break out some board games or a couple of decks of cards. You might also consider planning the shower around something like ice skating, or painting with wine (a pairing that’s gotten pretty popular).

5. Rule: You need a theme

Remember Lillian’s Paris-themed bridal shower in Bridesmaids? Yeah, that’s definitely not required. While a theme can make it fun to plan the menu and decor, nobody will fault you for skipping it. Just keep the soirée sweet and simple!

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving a Wedding (When You Weren't Given a Plus One)

Photo: Getty Images
 

What does a single gal dread more than attending a wedding? Attending said wedding alone, some might say. "It's easy to feel self-conscious when everyone else at the wedding seems to be coupled," commiserates Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., psychologist, friendship expert, and creator of The Friendship Blog.

With wedding tables set up to accommodate even, not odd, numbers and the dance floor crammed with gyrating lovebirds, the proverbial wedding decks can seem stacked against single people — especially those denied a plus-one by their hosts. "A single person may be placed at a table with people she barely knows, and feel socially awkward, especially if she is shy," Levine says. "She could also feel like all eyes are on her, even when they're not."

What's worse, if a woman wants to be married, attending a wedding alone can evoke feelings of self-pity, "even if she feels happy for her friend," explains Levine. "She may feel left behind."
But there's good news: You can beat the plus-one-less blues. In fact, you can fly happily solo at your next wedding event with these expert survival tips.

Say hello to other singles.
Before your friend's big day, reach out to a bridal party or family member to see who else might be flying solo at the reception. "Perhaps you already know one or two of those singles," says Levine, "or could share transportation with someone new so you can meet each other before the wedding." Spending time with other singles isn't just to take the edge off feeling alone, Levine says. It's a chance to make new (and hopefully lasting) friendships. 

Wear something that makes you feel wonderful.
The quickest way to give yourself a boost of confidence is to wear something that makes you feel amazing from head-to-toe. That, says Levine, means selecting everything from an outfit to shoes, makeup, nails, and a hairstyle that you love. Dressing to the nines, Levine says, "will give you a confidence boost on your friend's big day."

Chat it up.
Levine says when it comes to attending the wedding reception, it's time to "be friendly and outgoing. Look at the wedding as an opportunity to meet new people, the ones seated on both sides of you, and those at other tables." Make conversation with others waiting for their drinks at the bar, "and get on the dance floor when the music moves you," Levine says. "People are attracted to people who look like they're having fun."

Don't stick to only singles.
While it's smart to seek out people in a similar situation as you, "don't limit your outreach to only them," Levine says. "You may enjoy conversations with older people or younger people. And reach out to couples, too. Everyone is a festive mood and you already have something in common to talk about: Your friendship with the bride and groom."

Keep your perspective.
Yes, attending a wedding without a plus-one can be the pits. But if you can keep things in perspective, you can forget you're flying solo and really have fun. "Remember that you are there to celebrate and support your friend," Levine says. "It's her important day and just another day for you. By inviting you, your friend has told you that you are an important person in her life."

5 Extra Touches To Make Your Affair Stand Apart

Colin Miller

In the history of entertaining, no guest has ever pooh-poohed a host who goes above-and-beyond the call of duty. Now it's your turn.

Enhance your legacy with these five easy ways to make your one-time role as a bride brilliant:

1. Weather or Not

Was it Proust (or a virtuosic bride from flawless weddings past) who said, "A change in the weather is sufficient to recreate the world and ourselves"?
If you're hosting an outdoor event, consider offering guests shawls to borrow should the weather turn a touch chilly, sunscreen or wide-brimmed hats should the sun come on too strong, or fans if the temp heats up.

2. Late-night Perks

When the dance floor is pumping and guests are nowhere close to calling it a night, offer passed trays of late-night libations and snacks. It entices your guests to stay longer and makes them love you all the more.

3. Kids Korner

Ah children. To have or to banish tots from your affair is one of the touchiest subjects that arises when selecting a guest list. A first-class solution: hire two babysitters to watch the kids while their parents (i.e. your nearest and dearest) party with you.
These caregivers can either watch the babes off-site or in a separate room at your reception locale. Either way, your guests will never, ever forget your magnanimity.

4. Transportation Nation

When your ceremony and reception are at different locales, help your guests make the transition from ceremonial to celebration mode by providing detailed (even escorted!) info on how and when to show up at the reception.
Too often, guests stand around milling about after the ceremony, unsure of the whereabouts or exact time to show up at the reception. So consider providing transportation, or put a detailed reminder as to their next step in your wedding program.

5. Don't Skip the Loo, My Darlings

Every single wedding guest will eventually make at least one trip to the bathroom. Don't neglect the opportunity to add personal touches to the one spot your guests may run to when they need something they couldn't fit in a pocket or a tiny cocktail-party clutch.
Here's a list of items to place in a basket in the corner of the appropriate WC:

• Antacid tablets
• Aspirin
• Band-Aids
• Bobby pins
• Chewing gum, breathe mints, and mouthwash
• Clear nail polish (for mending runs in nylons)
• Dental floss
• Hairbrush and comb
• Hair spray
• Hand lotion or moisturizing cream
• Lip balm
• Nail file and emery board
• Pantyhose (one or two extra pairs for emergencies in neutral colors)
• Pens and Post-It Notes
• Perfume or cologne
• Safety pins
• Sanitary napkins and tampons
• Sewing kit

7 Genius Party-Snacking Tips for Brides

Your engagement is such a social time— drinks with friends, engagement parties, tastings, and rehearsals. These strategies will help you navigate the buffet tables and bars without your dream dress fitting any differently.

1. Pregame before the party.
"Before you head to a cocktail and appetizer party, make yourself a small meal of protein and veggies to eat at home," suggests Carlene Thomas, RDN, author of The Wedding Wellness Workbook: Your Nutrition How-To Before "I Do." "You know there will be lots of starchy options being passed around when you get there!"

2. Wear bright lipstick.
"This sounds so weird, but I find that wearing lipstick makes me more aware of what and when I eat, since I don't want to smear it!" says Thomas. "When I'm wearing no lipstick I have nothing to be a barrier for mindless eating if there's a bowl of chips next to me."

3. Stick to bubbly.
Prosecco, champagne and other brut wines are lower in sugar and calories than other wines or mixed drinks, says registered dietitian Kate Scarlata, RDN, co-author of The 21-Day Tummy. Stay away from frozen or tropical-y drinks like mudslides, piña coladas, and daiquiris— they're packed with extra sugar (and therefore, calories). If you're not a fan of bubbly, "try a single shot of your favorite liquor with seltzer water (zero calories) and a squeeze of citrus or a sprig of rosemary or mint," suggests Thomas. If you're really focused on slimming down, stick to sipping seltzer with a lemon wedge. It tastes good and gives you something to do with your hands, without a hangover or the calories in booze.

4. Grab a small plate.
"Using a small plate and filling it just once is a good strategy," says Scarlata. Letting yourself have a full plate of nibbles (instead of trying not to snack at all, or going back to the table to pick at things over and over) will leave you satisfied, but not overfull.

5. Fill up on veggies.
Hit the crudité and fruit platter first. The more you fill up on fiber-rich carrots and celery (only 25 calories per cup), the less room there is for less-healthy finger foods like creamy dips and chips. "For a smart party plate, aim to make half your plate produce and half your plate lean protein," says Thomas.

6. Pick one: Drink or Dessert?
"If you're dining out frequently or attending a slew of parties, pick a cocktail or dessert to have that evening, not both," says Thomas. "If you're loving the champagne, say no thanks when dessert rolls out. Or if you're feeling dehydrated that day, stick with water with lemon and split a piece of cake with the husband-to-be."

7. Chat it up!
"Switch the focus of the food to the social aspects of the party. Try to spend more time talking than eating!" says Scarlata.

8 Things You Don't Need on Your Wedding Day

Photography by: NBarrett Photography

Make sure you're prepared with these wedding-day essentials (we're looking at you hand-held steamer, pair of flats, portable speakers, stylish robe, and more), but give these usual necessities the day off.

1. Your Cell Phone

Who would you need to call if everyone you love is accounted for? Leave the photo snapping and posting to your bridesmaids, groomsmen, guests, and family. You can view, tag, and comment on photos the day after. It'll be fun to relive your day anyhow! Plus, you and your guy won't be tempted to send snaps to each other before the first look—or your walk down the aisle.

2. Inbox Zero

Unanswered emails, one-day-only coupons, and "reply-all" responses can be left un-read and unsorted. Contrary to popular belief, your inbox won't blow-up if the number of messages hits double digits.

3. A Cell-Phone Charger

If you insist on packing your cellphone, a good way to check your usage is to pay mind to the battery power. If your iPhone starts losing major juice, take that as a sign that you've had enough screen time for the day, and you should power down—not up!

4. Gum

With all the candid photos and poised portraits to come, the two of you need to be camera—and smile—ready at all times. Don't get caught with a wad of gum in your mouth—pack mints instead!

5. Pastimes

Fashion magazines, books, video games (the groom knows what we're talking about), and Candy Crush, can stay tucked away. For most of the day (even the earliest hour), you'll be surrounded by your closest friends and family; don't take your time with them for granted!

6. Keys

House and car keys are destined for the lost and found if packed along for the big day. Of even more importance: your room key should be entrusted with the front desk of your hotel with instructions that you'll be coming for it at the end of the night.

7. Your Honeymoon Luggage

If you are headed straight to the airport from the reception, then assign a bridesmaid, friend, or planner with the task of ensuring your luggage ends up in the getaway car. You don't want to set foot in the Bahamas only to realize that your carry-on (and adorable new bikini) is still stateside in your dressing room or back at the hotel.

8. A Selfie Stick

Leave the photo props to your friends. How will you hug the necks of your nearest and dearest, or hold your guy's hand (or that signature cocktail), if one is tied up by a tech tool?

10 Things Every Groom Must Do Before the Wedding

Photo: Paul Johnson Photography
 
There are countless ways grooms can get involved in wedding planning. The big ones are no surprise: Getting his suit fitted, writing his vows, and helping pick a first dance song, to name a few. Smaller gestures—like leaving notes for his bride or taking her out dancing—are less established, but make a big difference too! We asked Christina Steinbrenner, Director of Tuxedo Marketing at Brides Live Wedding sponsor Jos. A. Bank Clothiers, as well as some wise Brides staffers, for the top 10 pre-wedding "must do" list for grooms. (Psst: Brides, discreetly pass this along to your fiancés!)

1. Pick a suit that suits the wedding style. "The most important thing for a couple to consider when planning their formal wear attire is the style and feel of the wedding," Steinbrenner says. "For a traditional, more formal event, a classic tuxedo with a notch, shawl or peak lapel is ideal. Slim-fit silhouettes have been most popular lately. For a less traditional option, shades of gray are hugely popular. Destination or beach weddings call for a lighter gray, tan or even jacketless tuxedo."

2. Accessorize! Put the finishing touches on your look with a perfectly folded pocket square or fun socks for an extra pop of color, Steinbrenner says. Accessories make all the difference!

3. Get a haircut, but not the day before. If the trim is too close, this will leave time to let it grow out.

4. Schedule a cleaning service. Hire a cleaner for the week of your wedding and for the duration of your honeymoon. Your house or apartment will look impeccable when things get busy, and it'll be so nice to come back to a clean home when your honeymoon is over.

5. Go out dancing. Whether it's going out to a bottle service club until 3:00 a.m. or just having a nice dinner at home with the first dance music ready to go, schedule an excuse to practice that choreographed first dance!

6. Plan something special for your bride for the wedding day. It doesn't have to be lavish—or even anything you spend a lot of money on—but something thoughtful like a letter and champagne will help make a special day even more magical. Just make sure the delivery arrives at the perfect time.

7. Say "I love you"—often. Leave little notes everywhere. Post-its, chalkboard doodles, slips of paper under fridge magnets. This is the time to be romantic (and yes, even cheesy)!

8. Work on your vows. Transcribe all "for vows" notes on your iPhone, and take a stab at writing something eloquent. And if the vows are already done, practice 'em.

9. Stay on top of the rehearsal dinner. Check in with the priest/rabbi/officiant and make sure both sets of parents and all wedding party members know when and where to show up. Taking the whole party off her plate is a huge gesture and will greatly reduce her stress.

10. Seduce her! Sex kills stress and it'll take the edge off of the wedding night in case the reception goes all night.

18 Themed Groom's Cakes That Are Anything But Boring

For couples that are all about injecting fun into their wedding day, doing a themed groom's cake is a no-brainer.
Unlike the traditional white wedding confection, the groom's cake usually has more personality and pizzazz and reflects the groom's specific tastes and interests.
Below we've rounded up 18 totally awesome groom's cake ideas to suit every kind of guy.

• 1
  For the beer lover
  JoPhoto
• 2
  For the wrestling maniac
  Pepper Nix Photography
• 3
  For the "Star Wars" nerd
  Nashville Sweets
• 4
  For the Deadhead
  The Sugar Suite
• 5
  For the Johnnie Walker drinker
   
  Pepper Nix Photography
• 6
  For the sailor
  Zofia & Co.
• 7
  For the proud alum
  Vesic Photography
• 8
  For the pizza connoisseur
  Pink Cake Box
• 9
  For the car fanatic
  JoPhoto
• 10
  For the sushi devotee
  Rachel Robertson Photography | Cake design by Rick Reichart of cakelava
• 11
  For the "James Bond" aficionado
  The Brauns
• 12
  For the wing eater
   
  Cory Ryan Photography
• 13
  For the photographer
   
  Cory Ryan Photography
• 14
  For the techie
  Phoebe Joy Photography
• 15
  For the off-roader
  Theilen Photography
• 16
  For "The Simpsons" buff
  Tracey Buyce Photography
• 17
  For the "Batman" enthusiast
  Kelsey Schwager
• 18
  For the nostalgic gamer
  

12 Ways to Keep Your Bridesmaids Happy

Want to ensure your best friends still love you after the wedding? Here's your to-do list.

By Jessica Zaleski

1. 1. Realize They Have a Life Outside of Your Wedding

   
   Photo by Lauren Fair Photography
   Sure, they've received the honorable title "bridesmaid," but that doesn't mean your best friends can ignore their other real-world titles, and neither should you. Be mindful of their schedules when deciding whom to ask to tag along to your dress fitting or to an appointment with your florist. For example, don't schedule something for 10 a.m. on a Tuesday if you know it'll be a pain for your maid of honor to make it. If it's truly important to you for her to be there, find out what days are easiest for her to take a long lunch or leave work a little early. And be mindful of your tone -- ask them nicely (don't tell them) to be there. Hopefully, they'll make an effort to attend activities when they can.
   

2. 2. Ask Them What They Want to Wear

   
   Photo by Jocelyn Filley Photography
   Even if you have a super-specific vision for the bridesmaid dresses, ask them for their input, and be open-minded to letting them wear styles that will fit their body types. You don't have to give them free rein to buy any dress in the store, but schedule a group outing where they can try on different styles, or have them send you pictures of dresses they think would look good on them. Trust us -- your girls will look great together in photos if they feel great.
   

3. 3. Give Them Some Direction

   
   Photo by Charlotte Jenks Lewis Photography
   If you prefer to take a more laid-back approach to their looks, give them a few hints about the style you have in mind for the wedding, or at least about what your dress will look like, so they have a starting point. Dealing with your bridesmaids is a balancing act. While you don't want to tell them they all have to wear the same strapless gown, you can't just say, "Wear anything you want," and call it a day. They want to look good together in your wedding photos, so help them however you can. Give them a paint swatch from the local hardware store, send them an inspiration board or buy them all the same statement necklace.
   

4. 4. Make Them Feel Special

   
   Photo by June Bug Company
   Your bridesmaids are likely putting time, effort and money into your wedding, and chances are, they've been looking forward to it as much as you have. Make them feel more like your VIPs (and less like your indentured servants) by making a solid effort to recognize them. Call them out on your wedding website, along with photos (or videos) and a little info about how you know each other. Also include their names in the ceremony program and give them a plus-one, no matter what. Even if they're not in a long-term relationship, it's important they be allowed to bring a date.
   

5. 5. Help Them Get to Know One Another

   
   Photo by Laura Ivanova Photography
   The people you ask to be in your bridal party may all be special to you, but they might not all be special to one another. One or two wedding-chatter-free chances to hang out will, hopefully, get everyone feeling friendly and make the actual wedding-related activities more fun for all. As the bride (read: the glue holding this group of girls together), it's your job to encourage them to hang out and get along.
   

6. 6. Keep Track of How Much They're Spending

   
   Photo by Vanessa Joy Photography
   You're planning this shindig, or you're at least fairly involved in how much it's costing, so it's easy to get wrapped up in how much you're spending without realizing the amount of cash everyone else is dishing out. If you've been a bridesmaid before, you're familiar with how quickly it all adds up -- the dress, the accessories, the shower and wedding gifts, the bachelorette party and travel expenses are only the basics. Do what you can to keep costs manageable, whether you look for less expensive dresses or help them find affordable flights and hotels. And remember: If you're requiring your bridesmaids to get their hair and makeup done, it's pretty much a given you'll be the one paying.
   

7. 7. Let Them Know What You Expect

   
   Photo by Look Wedding Photography
   Don't assume your girls know everything about being a bridesmaid. Even if they do, it's good to be clear about, for example, who will order the bridesmaid dresses. Will you all order them together in store, or will each person be responsible for placing her own order online? Ask in advance if you're hoping they can help you assemble the ceremony programs instead of calling them the night before you really have to get the job done. Also, put them on the same page with your family and your groom's family in terms of big events, like the shower, to avoid any unnecessary conflict.
   

8. 8. Divvy Up the Duties

   
   Photo by W&E Photographie
   Take some pressure off your bridesmaids by coming up with a mental list of friends and family you can rely on for extra help during crunch time. Maybe your mom or aunts are crafty and would actually love to help you package all of the favors. Think about the little last-minute to-dos ahead of time before you lock your bridesmaids into helping you with every single project.
   

9. 9. Keep the Meltdowns to a Minimum

   
   Photo by Kallima Photography
   The occasional bridal breakdown is inevitable – your bridesmaids are pretty much counting on it. So don’t think twice if, during a particularly stressful week, you cry over boutonnieres or lose your cool over favors – it’s par for the course. Just try to keep the bridezilla moments in check, okay?
   

10. 10. Give (and Receive) Graciously

    
    Photo by Jeff Wojtaszek Photography
    You pictured an elegant afternoon tea; instead, there’s bridal shower bingo and mini hot dogs. You imagined a spa-day bachelorette; instead, you got a night of pole dancing in a strip club. It might be tough sometimes, but you’ve got to smile and say "thank you." They've worked hard to organize a nice event for you, so appreciate what they come up with, even if it's not exactly what you had in mind.
    

11. 11. Talk to Them About Normal (Read: Non-Wedding) Stuff

    
    Photo by Abby Fox Photography
    Plain and simple, be a good friend. With the wedding at the top of your mind, it'll be easy to spin any conversation straight into planning talk. Make a conscious effort to ask your girls about what's going on in their lives and to remember when they have a big meeting or final exam, or a date with a new guy. First and foremost, they're your friends -- treat them that way!
    

12. 12. Say "Thank You"

    
    Photo by Erin Samuell
    You don't have to spend a fortune on bridesmaid gifts to show how grateful you are. Just make them meaningful and remember to write something nice in the card! Instead of waiting until the last minute and scrambling to find something, put serious thought into what you think each of your girls could use. If you love the idea of gifting them jewelry to wear at the wedding, consider buying different statement pieces that will make each outfit unique (and that they'll want to keep wearing after the wedding). Or go outside-the-box. Think: a gift certificate to a new restaurant for your foodie friend or kickboxing classes for your fitness buff bridesmaid.
    

Want to Impress Your In-Laws? Do This

Photo: John + Louise Weddings
 
We hope your in-laws-to-be are warm, welcoming, supportive, and delightful to be with. We sincerely do. But even if you're marrying into the perfect family, it'll be a lot easier for you admit this one simple fact: Your in-laws are strangers. Even if you've dated their son for years and therefore known them for years. Even if they are truly great folks. Here's why: with your family members, you know, for example, exactly what message your Mom's sending you with her sidelong, critical glance. You know exactly what your Dad means with his hesitant, "Um, yes, inviting the entire wedding to the rehearsal dinner too is a great idea, honey." You know you'll be heading back to the racks when your sister says, "Seriously?" to your choice of bridesmaid dress.

Because these are your peeps. You grew up with them. In your bones, you know their likes and dislikes. You know when they're joking or serious. You know what's most important and what's frivolous. And you know where the potential minefields lie — where the wounds and difficult things lie in your family history. You just know them, their likes, dislikes and vulnerabilities, because they were all in the air you breathed your whole life.


With your in-laws, you're flying blind in these deeper departments. Yes, they're lovely, warm, and friendly. (Lucky you!) But as you become the newest limb on their family tree, it will help you to remember how little you actually know about the deeper emotional family history. About why your father-in-law, who's rich as King Midas, nickles-and-dimes you and your fiancé about everything . About why your MIL rabidly tries to control the seating chart. (What strained family relationships do you not understand yet?) About how your sister-in-law's actually just pulling your leg with her "Seriously?" about the bridesmaid dress. Yes, over the course of a lifetime together, you will learn more about their family history and subtle dynamics. But right now, you're a complete beginner. As you should be.

How to deal with all this not knowing you find yourself in the middle of? Be a cultural anthropologist. Go into their family gatherings with an attitude of observation, of curiosity, of information-gathering. Park all assumptions of what's actually going on at the door. Most importantly, let your fiancé be your guide. He knows his family. He knows exactly the message his Mom's sending with her sidelong, critical glances. He knows the back story, the hurts, and where the mines lie. So let him be your translator in this strange new world of your in-laws.

Wedding Planning: 9 No-Fail Tips for Trimming the Guest List

I hear from couples all the time about what causes them stress during the wedding planning process. My job is to help alleviate that stress, so I’m happy to give tips and advice to address problem areas. One of the most common complaints I hear from couples pertains to creating their guest list.
It’s so important to pare down your guest list. As I’ve mentioned before, the tighter you get that list, the more your budget will stretch. Couples get pressured from many fronts on who to invite to their wedding, so I thought it would be helpful to offer a few tips on how to get your list more manageable.

1. Start big and whittle down. It’s a good idea to start with a list that includes everyone that you, your future spouse, and each of your sets of parents want to invite to the wedding. From there, you can whittle it down using some of the tips below. What’s nice about having this extensive list is that you’ll have the names of potential people to invite if your budget stretches more than you thought, or if less of your initial guest list can attend than you thought.

2. Set some parameters . . . and stick to them. Adhere to some rules of thumb when deciding whether or not to invite someone, such as whether you’ve spoken to or heard from them in more than a year, or if you have never even mentioned them to your future spouse, or if you’re only inviting them out of guilt. If those things pertain to someone you’re considering inviting, don’t.

3. Prioritize your list. Go through and prioritize your list in order of importance from those guests
whom you can’t imagine not being there to those whom you’re inviting largely out of obligation. When determining how many guests you can afford to include, start with the most important guests first.


4. Consider making it adults only. We love kids, but if you’re faced with reducing your guest count, consider leaving them off the list.

5. Take financial contributions into account. If anyone besides you and your future spouse is contributing to your wedding budget, they should have some say in who can attend. How much say they get should be based on what percentage of the wedding they’re paying for. Be clear on how many guests they can invite.

6. Specify on the invitation exactly who is invited. If you want to avoid any unexpected “Plus Ones” (or Twos, or Threes), make sure the invitation states exactly who is invited. If your cousin Stella thinks she “might” have a date for your wedding in three months but you can only afford to feed her, politely let her know that your budget can’t accommodate the potential guest.

7. Don’t bow to family or peer pressure. Barring the above mention of financial contributors, no one should have any say in your guest list besides the two of you. It’s your money, your wedding, and your decision who celebrates it with you. Stand firm so you don’t overspend.

8. Keep your plans largely to yourself. If you go around the office talking about your wedding plans, your coworkers may start telling you how much they’re looking forward to attending the wedding. If you don’t want a bunch of people inviting themselves to your wedding, keep those plans to yourself.

9. Be prepared to say no. Think of how you can politely address situations that are bound to come up where people want or expect an invitation but they didn’t make the guest list. It’s perfectly fine to tell them that you wish you could invite them, but your budget won’t allow it.

15 Dos and Don'ts for Writing a Wedding Speech

It’s that daunting time of year again. No, not bikini season — wedding season. And that often presents a daunting proposition: A speech. Gulp. Outside of snakes and spiders, public speaking is one of the scariest things people encounter. But rest assured, I’m here to help you out with some tried and true tricks from the field and some crucial dos and don’ts for writing and performing that wedding speech. I’ve been the groom and the best man. I’ve given away the bride and even been the officiant a few times, so I have practiced what I preach. And I’ve learned from both my mistakes — and my successes. Here are the top 15 dos and don’ts.

Do

Be Yourself. It’s either your wedding or you’ve been asked by the nearlyweds to speak about them; they wouldn’t have asked you if they didn’t deeply value your friendship and trust you, so here’s an opportunity to shine for them — as yourself.

Talk About the Couple. Use your specific, personal experiences to your benefit and incorporate unique, unexpected or quirky details, but avoid too many inside jokes or “you-had-to-be-there” references. The assembled want to hear about what you have to say about the newlyweds — not about that time you and your friend went to Vegas.

Start With a Bang. Start with a catchy opener or joke, if you can tell a joke — and have an appropriate one. Otherwise, leave the jokes of questionable taste for the bachelor or bachelorette party (or the bathroom). For example, as I was writing my first wedding speech as an officiant, I came up with the “best” joke with which to open. In my most sonorous of voices, I would intone, “Dearly beloved… and Adam,” which would have gotten some rolling laughter from those who were not fond of Adam, the bride’s stepfather. But given that he was footing the bill for this extravagant affair and the joke was truly in poor taste, that one wound up on the cutting-room floor.

Tell a Story. The best speech is a story with a beginning, middle, and ending that focuses on the couple. For example, my favorite opening line from a speech I gave 20 years ago as a best man was this: “When Fred and I jumped on a motorcycle and traveled from his mother’s house in New Jersey to his new apartment in Los Angeles, mere blocks from the Pacific Ocean, we both knew he had gone west to seek his fortune. Neither of us could ever have imagined that fortune would be Lizzy.”

Thank Participant. Give thanks to those who should be singled out for their contributions and participation. This should include family, dear friends, those who have travelled far or with difficulty. Don’t forget those who couldn’t make it due health reasons, travel restrictions, or other serious or family concerns.

Say it in Five Minutes. Short and sweet is best, as less truly is more in this scenario. Leave the crowd wanting more. Five minutes is ideal.

Practice with a Mirror. Practice the speech in front of a mirror, as well as for a close enough friend who will be honest with you. In the case of the officiant’s speech, I strongly recommend rehearsing the speech for the actual couple. On the special day, you don’t want anything that is going to come out of your mouth to stick in their craw. Also, they probably won’t hear much of what you’re saying during the actual ceremony other than when addressed directly, as in, “Do you?”

Print it or Put it on Index Cards. Remember, don’t try to memorize your speech unless you’re an actor. Write it. Print it. Give a second copy to that trusted friend who won’t misplace it. Better still, try this: I write my speeches out on index cards in a spiral notebook. If you have ever watched a wedding on a sitcom, you know what can happen with a stack of cards. With the cards on that spiral, you can’t lose one, you can’t disarrange them and, if you’re speaking from a podium, you can see two at a time. Attached together like that, there’s less flipping — and less chance of losing your place. Another reason I like the smaller, stockier index cards is that, if you’re nervous and your hands are shaking, it will be far less noticeable with the cards in your hand than with a big piece of paper quaking like a flag flapping in the breeze.

Toast the Couple. Always remember to toast the bride and groom at the conclusion of your speech.

Don't

Use Gimmicks. They have all been used before. If there is a quote from a poem or from a religious text that enhances what you’re already trying to say and it’s wedding-appropriate, that’s fine. But don’t just sprinkle in lovey adages and flowery quotes without a specific, personalized reason.

Curse. The “something blue” should not be your speech. Don’t curse or be crass — even if you’re known for it.

Google it. Never Google your speech. It won’t be in a search engine. But, if you are at a loss for words or want your speech to sound more polished than you think you could do on your own, do hire a writer to assist you.

Memorize it. Write your speech out and practice it, but don’t try to memorize it unless that is truly your forte. You’ll risk sounding stiff, insincere and lifeless.

Get Drunk. Or even tipsy before your speechifying. One drink prior is acceptable and perhaps even beneficial for your nerves. Take that second drink with you for which to toast the newlyweds. It will be a great reward at the conclusion of your speech for a job well done.

Wing it. Finally, a word to the wise on “speaking from the heart” (aka “winging it”): Don’t. You just read this piece and perhaps it all makes sense to you, and yet, you’re probably going to stand up there this June with little more ammunition than a glass of champagne. I know who you are. I was once you. Even a speech written in haste on a train, on the back of an envelope, can be fantastic. A speech written in champagne bubbles cannot. Without something written out to keep you on point, you may go on, and on, and on… well past the five minutes you should spend as the center of attention.
Armed with these tips ahead of time, your preparation and practice will ready even the most nervous or frightened of you for the big day of speechifying. And, as I mentioned before, there’s no shame in hiring a professional wordsmith to help you say exactly what you mean to say. Even if you get help writing the speech, you’ll still need to tell the writer what you’re trying to communicate and provide him or her with the stories he or she needs to write a clever narrative. And, ultimately, your tone of voice, body language and overall delivery will be the most personal touch you add to a brilliant wedding. Enjoy!

How to Assemble the Perfect Wedding Invitation

So you are planning for the biggest day of your life, and you have already decided on those select few (or hundred) guests that will be attending your magnificent wedding. The stage is set, the date has been chosen, and you have a massive amount of invitations just begging to be sent out.

So exactly how do you put together a classy invitation suite for your wedding? Where do you begin?

Genevieve Nisly Photography

Here are some materials that you’ll need to put together a formal wedding invitation:
• The wedding invitation itself
• Reception cards, announcing the location and details of your reception
• Response cards
• Response envelopes, stamped and labeled with a return address
• Directions/map cards
• Inner envelopes
• Outer envelopes
• Tissue Paper (optional): Traditionally, many couples used tissue paper to prevent their ink from smearing. With today’s more smear-free invites, tissue paper is more of a preference than a requirement.

Now that you have all of these materials, just follow this simple six step guide and get started on those wedding invitations!

STEP ONE:
Make sure that all of your envelopes (both inner and outer) are addressed and stamped accordingly before assembling. This way there won’t be any awkward writing-mark indentations on the wedding invitation. Consult this page for specific instructions on addressing your envelopes.

STEP TWO:
Insert the wedding invitation into the inner envelope, with the front of the invitation facing the open flap of the envelope. If you’re using tissue paper, now is the time you would want to break it out to place between each layer.

STEP THREE:
Next, you’ll want to place the reception card face-up on top of the invitation. Note that if the invitation is folded style, enclosures will be placed within the folded invitation – not on top.

STEP FOUR:
Place remaining enclosure cards (i.e. map card and hotel accommodations card) face-up on top of the reception card. If there are separate directions for the ceremony and the reception, make sure that the directions to the ceremony are on top of the directions to the reception.

STEP FIVE:
Place the reply envelope on top of the enclosure cards – the reply card itself should be tucked under its envelope’s flap. Make sure to place face-up so that the printed side of the reply card is visible. Contrary to somewhat popular belief, do not place the reply card inside of the reply envelope.

STEP SIX:
After you have all of these elements inserted into the inner envelope, slip the unsealed inner envelope into the outer envelope with the names facing the back flap.

With these six easy steps, you’ll have your wedding invitations finished and sent out to your guests in no time. Not only will it make it easier for you by following these simple steps, but your invitations will have a classy appeal that everyone will be talking about until the big day.

7 Times It's Okay to Say "No" to Being a Bridesmaid

Photo: Getty Images
 

You don't have to say "I do" to every bridesmaid invitation you're extended. Here are seven times you can turn down the duty guilt-free.

You don't actually like bride.
"I know this seems harsh," says Victoria Canada, owner of Victoria Canada Weddings and Events, "but sometimes there are friends out there that we didn't know thought of us as their best friends."

You fear the bride will become a bridezilla.
"If you know the bride is Type A and demanding in real life, those behaviors will likely be on steroids when she becomes a bride," Canada warns.

You don't have the time.
Being a bridesmaid is a part-time job, in which "time to go look at dresses, throw a bridal shower and go to the bachelorette party" have to work their way into your schedule. "If you simply don't have the time, it's OK to say 'no,'" Canada says.


You're strapped for cash.
"Whether it's a geographic or economic factor, being a bridesmaid is a huge financial commitment," Canada says. "If you're OK eating ramen noodles for a long period of time for your dear friend, then go ahead and say yes!" Otherwise, consider where else you might need those dress, party and travel funds.

If you're planning for a family — or already pregnant!
"If you are trying to have a baby or may be in the future, you have a right to say 'no,'" Canada says. "No one wants to be a bridesmaid after giving birth — you are already exhausted, and being a bridesmaid may push you off the sleep-deprived edge."

You can't stand the groom.
"You don't have to give your opinion on her man, but you can bow out gracefully by giving another reason," says Canada.

You're committed to other weddings.
"This is not a popularity contest — this is about you standing up with someone on the best day of their lives, and no one wants an absentee bridesmaid," Canada says. "If you can't commit to the time, don't do the crime — or bridesmaid's duty, in this case!"

How to Keep the Bride Happy on the Wedding Day

Photo: Hayley Bray
 
The number one question a bridesmaid or a maid of honor will ask themselves, will ask others, will even spend countless hours asking the internet is, "How can I be there for the bride the most?" Sure, being there in person is always helpful. Showing up for the engagement party and the bridal shower and even the bachelorette party. But when it comes down to it, the number one thing the bride is looking forward to you doing, is being there on her wedding day, being there to keep her calm and to help her shake off some of those nerves like only you know how to do. Want to know how to keep the bride happy, no matter what, on her wedding day? Here's three tips to help make that happen.

1. Keep her well fed.
Make sure she's eaten a good breakfast and a hearty lunch. Also make sure she's well hydrated. Keep a couple of bottles of water around with a straw so she can take occasional sips — without ruining her lipstick.


2. Play some good tunes.
If things are feeling a little stressful or you feel the bride's energy is slipping a little, bust out a playlist of her favorite songs. Turn the pre-wedding jitters into a pre-wedding dance party.

3. Give her some space.
Depending on the size of the bridal party, the behind-the-scenes of the morning of the wedding can get a bit stuffy and loud. If there's a lot going on, round up the other bridesmaids and ask everyone to give the bride a little breathing room and a mental break.

6 Stressful Things You Can Totally Cut Out Of Wedding Planning

By Jillian Kramer for BRIDES

Photo: Getty Images

When was the last time you planned a shindig for 100-plus people? Likely, never. So it's totally normal to feel like your to-do list is too long to tackle. "It's very easy for a bride or groom to feel overwhelmed while planning a wedding," says Jesse Tombs, senior event producer for Alison Events.
Luckily, you can check things off your list without even doing them -- we promise you and your guests won't even notice! Here are six you can scratch off right now if you're feeling too overwhelmed.

1. Favors
"They're always a nice personal touch," says Melissa McNeeley, owner of Events by Melissa McNeeley. "But if you don't have time for them and you don't enjoy the process of selecting them, then cut them. After all, if you're doing something out of obligation, it sort of takes away the charm of the gesture. And if you have a great party with awesome food and music, your guests won't even know!"

2. Welcome bags
"Your guests won't be disappointed if they don't have the bag with a water bottle and aspirin," says McNeeley. "This is a very time-consuming task -- you have to collect items and then shuttle them to various hotels. Cut it!"

3. Farewell brunch
Sure, it's nice to bid adieu to your guests. But, "everyone doesn't even make it and it can sometimes be too much after a night of partying," says Tombs, "so skip it!"

4. Seat assignments
"You can save time by having table assignments and escort cards but skipping place cards and actual seat assignments," suggests McNeeley. "Guests can find their table and choose their own seat. This saves hours of stress that comes with putting together complicated seating charts."

5. Programs
"Guests will look at them if they're there -- but I doubt they will notice if they're missing," says McNeeley. "Not having to come up with wording and design and having them printed saves a lot of time."

6. Wedding website
Your guests will likely find all the information they need on your invitations and if not, they can call you or your family to ask. "Not every bride needs a website," says Tombs. "If you like them, by all means create one. But if it's just too much, skip it."

5 Things Every Mother of the Bride Should Do on the Wedding Day

Photo: Abby Jiu
 

The second most important woman at a wedding is the Mother of the Bride. No, seriously, she is also a "guest of honor" and that's why she sits in the key seat in the front row on the left side of the aisle. But along with the honor comes responsibility. After all, whether you've paid for it or not, everyone treats the parents of the bride like the hosts of the wedding reception. Before you get to bask in the glory, you have to be prepared to do the following five things.

1. Manage the family.
If you know that certain relatives get on your daughter's nerves, don't insist she include them in everything on the wedding day. She needs some time and space to get ready without any drama or stress. Be the bouncer on your daughter's bridal suite and keep the wolves at bay until after she's gone down the aisle.

2. Marshall the boys.
That includes your husband if you're married to the bride's father. And even if you're divorced, as long as things aren't acrimonious, try to keep him on schedule too. Work with the groom's mother to make sure all the gentlemen will be dressed and ready to go at the appointed time so that the bride doesn't have to worry about it.


3. Be sure the bridal party is eating.
They're going to be drinking (champagne or some other concoction) and it's easy for them to get tipsy on empty stomachs. Not cute on the wedding day before the ceremony. Plan ahead with your daughter to have food and soft beverages available for the ladies so that they can have something in their tummies.

4. Have your own act together.
Don't bring two dresses and ask the bride to choose for you at the last minute, she doesn't need that additional mental challenge. The biggest gift you can give her is to be easy, organized and ready so that if she needs extra hands or help, you're already dressed to go and you can be there to help your daughter.

5. Be the voice of reason.
If something goes wrong, stay calm as you try to correct it. Things go wrong and as the mother of the bride, some of it will come to your attention. The problem is there are some things that might not be able to be fixed — such as the florist delivering the wrong flowers just before the ceremony. Instead of getting upset about it with your daughter, tell her how unimportant the detail is in the grand scope of things and how you'll laugh about it later. Minimize problems and help her focus on the good things happening around her.

The most important thing a mother of the bride can do on her daughter's wedding day is to just be there for her, completely and selflessly. You're her mom, and she needs you.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette Dos and Don'ts

With the popular summer wedding months right around the corner, most couples are deep into the planning process. But when it comes to invitation and RSVP etiquette, it's often times confusing for the happy couple and their guests. What is the proper protocol?

Here are some helpful tips:

For guests who don't RSVP and show up anyway: While you should make contact ahead of time with those who don't respond, don't make a big fuss of it on your wedding day if someone shows up who didn't RSVP. Yes, it's rude on their part, but simply ask a trusted friend or staff member to find them a seat and let them stay. The caterers typically prepare about 10% more food than required so it should not be a big problem.

For guests who show up with their children: A gentle way to deal with this situation is to have the family table off to the side or back of the reception area. That way if the children are disruptive, their parents can whisk them off quickly. Better yet, when you send out the wedding invitation, provide the name of reputable babysitter in your area who is willing to accommodate parents who want to attend the wedding.

Your friend's significant other is now her ex: This can be incredibly awkward but happens more than you might think. Etiquette says that if the invitation is addressed to your friend and a guest, she is free to bring whomever she chooses. However, if you address the invitation to your friend and her significant other by name, technically they're both on the guest list. If they're no longer together, you should allow her to bring someone else. You may want to have some spare place cards on hand with the word, "guest," written on them, just in case this happens.

Your parents want to invite all their friends but you want a small gathering: He who foots the bill has the power. If your parents are paying for the wedding, you certainly should consider whom they'd like to invite, however, it's still your wedding. Have a private and honest discussion with your parents if you are uncomfortable with their choices. Try to reach a reasonable compromise.

Never include registry information in your invitation: This is outright tacky and a big no-no. People will usually ask you directly, or ask a parent or other family member where you are registered. It's fine to list this information if you have a wedding website.

Asking for money versus a gift: It's becoming more common nowadays for couples to request money instead of gifts, particularly if they just moved into a new home, want to go on an exotic honeymoon, or if they have been married before. Guests may either choose to give money or a gift, depending on their financial situation.

The appropriate wedding invitation and RSVP timeline: Save-the-date cards are best sent approximately four to six months before the wedding. Invitations should be sent approximately five to six weeks before the wedding. The RSVP date should be two to three weeks before the wedding. Thank-you notes should go out as soon as possible, but try not to wait any longer than two months after the wedding. Handwritten thank-you notes are still the best way to go even in a digital world.

10 Completely Brilliant Wedding Hacks You Definitely Need to Know

If you're hoping for a stress-free wedding (who isn't?!), you'll need a well-stocked emergency kit by your side...and a few hacks up your sleeve! Here are 10 super-smart wedding hacks that will help you get down the aisle in one piece.

 

1. Planning to tie the knot in a park or on the beach? Stock up on veil weights NOW. If you're having an outdoor wedding (or at least planning to take some photos outside), attach little weights to your veil to keep it from blowing around in the wind.

 

From Hair Comes the Bride; Veil from Nordstrom via Lover.ly

 

2. Use Jetaport to make booking hotel rooms for your guests a cinch. If you're trying to find the best group accommodations, we've made it way easier to book hotel rooms for your guests. It's fast and completely free!

 

 

Photo by Erin Johnson on Inspired By This via Lover.ly

 

3. Get a 2-3 tier cake for display/cutting and then serve guests from a sheet cake that's hidden in the kitchen. This will allow you to have a beautiful cake without going way over budget.

 

 

Photo by Lisa Hessel Photography on Every Last Detail via Lover.ly

 

4. Set up a separate email address to use for all wedding correspondence. Being organized is the key to any successful wedding. Bonus: you and your partner can use it for shared bills after you're married. It's a win-win, really.

 

 

Photo by Lover.ly

 

5. Ask the post office to "hand cancel" your invitations. This means that instead of running your invites through a machine, they'll use a special ink stamp to mark your invitation and then sort it by hand. That reduces the risk of damaging those pretty envelopes you painstakingly picked out.

 

 

Photo by Laura Ann Miller Photography on Every Last Detail via Lover.ly

 

6. Number the back of all your RSVP cards. Put a tiny number on the back of each card and then number your guest list accordingly. If guests don't write their name on the cards (or their writing is illegible), you'll still be able to figure out whose it is!

 

 

Photo by Michelle March on Glamour & Grace via Lover.ly

 

7. Have your bra sewn into your dress. You'll have a lot to think about on your wedding day, so make sure your strapless bra isn't one of them. If you have your seamstress sew your bra of choice into your gown, you won't have to worry about your it peeking out at inopportune moments.

 

 

Photo by Catherine Mead Photography on Bridal Musings via Lover.ly

 

8. If you spill red wine on your dress, dump a pile of table salt on the stain right away. The salt will help draw out a good amount of the wine right away, and you can have the remaining stain professionally treated later.

 

 

Photo by Lisa Mallory Photography on Heart Love Weddings via Lover.ly

 

9. If you want to wear stilettos for your outdoor wedding, slip on heel protectors. Walking down the aisle without tripping is hard enough, so make your life easier with these little guys. They increase the surface of the base of the heel, so you won't sink into the grass.

 

 

From Solemates

 

10. Freeze the top tier of your cake uncovered for about 20 minutes before wrapping it in foil. If you're planning on eating your cake on your first anniversary, make sure you can actually enjoy it! This trick will prevent any icing from sticking to the foil when you wrap it and stick it in the freezer.

 

 

Photo by Erich McVey on Wedding Chicks via Lover.ly