Traditionally, weddings and the months leading up to them are bursting with generosity. There are engagement parties and bridal showers. People spend hundreds on plane tickets and bedding sets.
Friends and family members offer their time, support, and energy. So,
in this time of great giving, what better time to give back? Whether you
make a donation to a cause in place of party favors
or ask your guests to invest in a charity instead of a crock pot, a
little selflessness can go a long way for many non-profits — and experts
say the practice is becoming more and more popular for engaged couples.
Choosing which organization will be gifted with your support can be
overwhelming — with so many worthy causes to choose from, but you can't
go wrong choosing something personal to you and your fiancé. Did either
of you lose a family member
to a particular disease? Contribute to groups fighting to find a cure.
Love animals? Donate to a local shelter. Whatever you pick, know that
you're making a difference by paying all that wedding generosity
forward.
Here are 10 charities doing innovative and important work across the
country to consider donating to in lieu of wedding favors or gifts.
1. The Birthday Party Project
Keep the party going with a donation to this group that hosts birthday
parties — complete with presents, cake, decorations and games — for
homeless children living in shelters or transitional housing across the
country. Last year, the group's volunteers threw more than 180 bashes,
and with additional donations and new partnerships with brands like the
super yummy Nothing Bundt Cakes and others, The Birthday Party Project aims to host at least 371 in 2016.
2. Flying Fur Rescue
This growing group of volunteer pilots, drivers, and animal rescue
workers transport animals at risk of being euthanized (typically at high
kill shelters) to areas where they are more likely to be adopted —
while they are taken care of in foster homes. Founded in 2015 by a
pilot, the non-profit is based in southeastern Pennsylvania and
currently pays the $300 to $500 cost of each transport out of pocket.
With a little more funding, the group plans to outfit its own dedicated
aircraft specifically designed to transport furry friends.
3. Wish Upon a Wedding
Spread the love from your wedding to a couple in need through this
organization — which funds weddings and vow-renewal celebrations for
couples facing serious illness or other life-altering circumstances.
Brides and grooms as well as husbands and wives battling terminal
cancer, cystic fibrosis, and other obstacles benefit from the charity's
work and partnerships with wedding and event industry pros in chapters
across the country. In addition to monetary contributions, brides can
give a little extra by donating their wedding gown as well.
4. Charity: Water
One in ten people around the world don't have access to clean water.
This tech-savvy group works with local partners in places like Africa,
Asia, and South America, and it puts 100 percent of public donations
toward sustainable solutions as well as education about the crisis.
Completed projects include the installation of new water pumps, safer
wells, filtration systems, and other infrastructure geared towards
cleaner water for all.
5. The Adventure Project
You can add a charitable donation to this global job-creating
organization right onto your registry using The Adventure Project's
online tools. And to keep the home-making registry theme going, the
current targeted donation program gifts a stove that protects a family
in need in places like Uganda or India from breathing in the toxic smoke
of an open flame. Other featured programs tackle hunger, health, water,
and the environment.
6. The Good Beginning
Created by wedding planner Beth Helmstetter, this online registry allows
couples to research, choose, and embed a link requesting donations for a
variety of local, national and international charities that support
everything from human rights to animal welfare to faith-based
initiatives right onto their wedding website. Don't see the charity
you'd like to donate to on the site's list of causes? Let The Good
Beginning know and they can add it.
7. Honor Flight Network
A particularly meaningful pick if you or your fiancé have a grandparent
or relative that served in World War II, this non-profit flies elderly
or ill veterans to visit war monuments in Washington, D.C. The group is
currently in the process of expanding their services to eventually honor
veterans of the Korean and Vietnam wars as well as World War II.
8. Arbor Day Foundation
Plant a tree in each of your guests' honor through the conservation and
education organization behind the holiday. Your donations can also help
fund specific nature-loving programs like rain forest rescue, outdoor
education, or community forestry restoration efforts after natural
disasters.
9. Heifer International
The idea behind this well-known charity group is to help hungry and
poverty-stricken communities become self-reliant through the donation of
animals, farming supplies, or small business support. Encourage guests
to help you donate a goat, a water buffalo, or a whole "gift ark" to
communities in South America, Asia, Africa, or Europe, and you'll
receive updates on how your contribution is making a difference.
10. National Guild for Community Arts Education
Music lovers? Painting enthusiasts? This group provides funding and
resources to community arts education organizations across the United
States that can help kids and adults follow those same passions. With a
focus on key initiatives like afterschool youth programming and arts
opportunities for the elderly, the New York-based Guild has a wide reach
that any wedding guest can get behind.
In the past, picking china patterns was the norm for newly engaged
couples. Nowadays, many couples either inherit the china from their
parents or don’t use it at all. That leaves a lot of wiggle room on Ye
Olde Wedding Registry! There are some don’t-miss items that all
newlyweds should make sure to add to their registry. Here are 17 of
them: 1. Your honeymoon.
This registry item is gaining in popularity, especially for couples who
already have everything they could possibly need to enjoy married life.
Consider a honeymoon registry like Honeymoon Wishes.
2. Kitchen appliances you really need. This is the
perfect time to register for that KitchenAid stand mixer you’ve always
wanted. Also consider Crock Pots, coffee pots or espresso machines, food
processors, toaster ovens, or other appliances that will make your life
easier.
3. At least one good frying pan or skillet. 4. Hobby accessories. Campers, bikers, hikers, athletes, and other hobby enthusiasts shouldn’t be shy about registering for items they’ll really use.
5. Outdoor grilling items. 6. Electronics. Things like cameras and camcorders will
help you capture all of your newlywed memories, so don’t miss them as
you’re getting your registry stocked.
7. A Dutch Oven. If you ever plan to cook for a group, a good Dutch Oven is a kitchen must-have.
8. Barware. Think outside the glasses, folks. To have a
well-stocked bar for entertaining, you’ll need cocktail shakers,
pourers, stirrers, pitchers, decanters, an olive pitter, etc.
9. Luggage. Trust us on this.
10. A sewing machine or kit. There will come a time
when someone loses a button, a hem starts unraveling, etc. Having the
tools to fix them in a pinch will save you a lot of headache.
11. A vacuum cleaner. This is about the least romantic thing to include on a registry…but it’s also the most practical.
12. Nice linens. You’re no longer living the dorm room
life. Stock those linen closets with new sheets and towels that you can
use when you entertain guests.
13. Yard care items. Also on the practical side, yard
care items are a registry must. Think of lawn mowers, weed whackers,
edgers, rakes, leaf blowers, etc.
14. Storage/organization tools. You’re going to need
places to put all of the cool stuff you get off your registry. Make
effective space for them with the help of good storage items.
15. Good knives. 16. Home décor. Choose some items together that you both like…picture frames, artwork, vases and knickknacks, etc.
17. Gift cards or cash. When you don’t know for sure
what you both want or need, you can always request money to spend at a
later date. Just do so tactfully!
Raquel Kelley, E! Fashion Police producer and the creative force behind the wedding blog, I Guess I Do, reveals how to help prevent your guests from straying from the registry.
You've gone down many store aisles and zapped a ton of items to your wish list,
but that doesn't mean your guests will stick to it! While receiving
non-registry items may be inevitable, here are some ways to help keep
those random gifts to a minimum:
1. Don't Be Afraid to Put it in Writing
If you want your guests to know something, then communicate it to them.
Although you may think registry etiquette is implied, people aren't
mind readers, so there is no harm in a well-mannered written reminder.
The best way to do so is on shower invites,
which are most likely being sent from a family member or friend. They
can specify what "The Couple" wishes, rather than it seeming like you
are barking orders at your family and friends.
For example, you can use polite ways to convey your message.
"Because of their cramped quarters, the couple requests that if you
decide to give a gift, it be in the form of a gift card or from their specified registry list."
If you live far away, also don't forget to talk about shipping. "Due to
the distance, the couple requests that all registry items be shipped
directly to their home in California. Let's help them avoid those
outrageous airplane carry-on costs!"
2. Opt for Registries that Meet Your Specific NeedIf you are still weary that your guests may stray from the items you wanted, you might want to go with a more specific registry that is tailored to meet your needs.
At the time we were engaged, my husband and I were living in a
one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles. We had no need for new china,
vacuums, or serving platters because we had no room for them!
Instead of going with a traditional registry, we opted for a honeymoon registry instead. We chose to go with Honeyfund.com.
That way, everyone could purchase different excursions or airplane
vouchers for our trip. A little secret is that all of the money gifted
goes into your banking account and doesn't necessarily have to be used
on a honeymoon. So if you have extra money after your trip is paid off,
go ahead and get that much needed iron, if you really wanted one!
3. When in Doubt, Turn to Gift Cards
This is a trend I've seen a lot of lately, both at bridal and baby
showers— a gift card shower. It is clearly stated on the invites that it
is a gift card only shower and it is specified where the couple would like the gifts cards from— Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon etc.
This seems like the easiest way for others to give gifts and for you to get what you want. Yes, it may not seem as personal as opening up an actual gift, but it does save you the hassle of returning items or receiving unwanted gifts.
In the end, it's important to say and write thank you
no matter the gift that is received. (Ahem, and in a timely manner
ladies!) People were gracious enough to give you a gift, be gracious
enough to say 'Thank You' within that same month. But you shouldn't
feel bad about politely implying that guests stick to your registry. No
one want to waste money, and you won't have wasted all of your time!
Before anyone walks down the aisle comes the fun yet tricky task of
registering for wedding gifts. And with that product scanner from your
favorite home store comes a load of decisions. Do we really want
800-thread count sheets? Vitamix or NutriBullet? Are these the bowls we
will want to eat ice cream out of for the rest of time? What do you mean
you like those curtains? How could I possibly marry someone who likes
those curtains?!
Many, many couples have walked the wedding registry path and lived to
talk about it. Here are some tips from some of TODAY.com's past brides.
Jayme Burrows / Shutterstock
1. First things first: Register.
I didn't want to build a registry at all, and then friends started
sending my husband and me the most random gifts. Well, not random. Just
not things we like. In a one-bedroom Brooklyn apartment, there are only
so many heart-themed prints you can hang! So we built a registry late in
the game and added things we were excited about (Apple TV! furry
blankets! pretty frames!). We still got a few gifts that we'll never use
— at least not as long as we live in New York City — but taking control
of the gift-giving ended up being a huge relief for the both of us.
-Lauren Sullivan, TODAY.com senior editor
2. Consider a honeymoon registry — or an elegant way for friends to gift you cash.
Your guests want to celebrate you, and give you something you'll love —
but it can be hard for friends to get excited about clicking a box on
your registry and sending you that cheese grater you asked for, or the
remaining four water glasses you need.
If you add a honeymoon registry (Honeyfund is easy to use), you can
let your friends give you fun experiences like "1 safari tour" or "1
helicopter ride" — you create items on your honeymoon wish list, and
while the gift is technically cash (the site allows your guests to
either send you a check or PayPal the amount), the giver will feel like
they gave you a moment to remember. Plus, when you send your thank-you
notes, you can actually thank them for the experience they gave you! -
Meena Hart Duerson, TODAY.com senior editor
3. But register for some real things as well.
Your more traditional relatives and friends will want to get you
something tangible. Not everyone will feel comfortable gifting cash, and
they'll want to get you something concrete for your house. Make sure
you choose a few things you'd actually like to receive, or you'll
struggle with people sending you things off-registry that you don't like
— and can't return. -Meena Hart Duerson
4. Choose items in a range of price points.
There's nothing more frustrating than going to send someone a gift —
and finding the only thing left is the $5 plastic spoon or the $5,000
sheet set. Make sure there are options in the middle! -Meena Hart
Duerson
5. Skip the fancy china.
Unless you're close friends with Duchess Kate and she'll be coming
over regularly for tea, you won't miss it. We registered for a really
nice set of china, but when no one bought those items, it was the
biggest relief. We ended up just getting ourselves a set of more
everyday dishware, which are much cheaper to replace when things get
chipped or broken! -Meena Hart Duerson
6. Register somewhere that reflects your lifestyle and your taste, but definitely look for special events!
Crate & Barrel opened early on certain Sundays for registering
couples and had mimosas, paninis and breakfast pastries that were
delivered to you as you walked around the store. The food alone was
soooo worth the repercussions of holding a registry zapper after a flute
or two of champagne. "Why yes, we SHOULD register for those silk
curtains we never knew we needed, and I should probably have another
panini for good measure." -Carissa Ray, TODAY.com supervising multimedia
producer
7. Simpler is better.
I had no questions about the black and blue stoneware we registered
for. I mean, you've gotta eat, right? And we received even more settings
than we zapped.
Eight years later, I'm totally sick of it and wish I'd realized that
the plates were "tippy" when you cut food on them, something we couldn't
tell in the store when deciding we needed 10 settings. I now find
myself drawn to simpler pottery that fits our lifestyle now and that
mixes and matches well rather than having one matchy-match set of
dishes. Also, with a butterfingers husband, this helps us avoid
replacing full sets when he inevitably drops something in the kitchen.
-Carissa Ray
8. Don't select décor items specific to where you live if
you're not really, really certain you're in what will be your long-term
home. Even then, see above - simpler is better.
My husband and I owned a home in Seattle and unexpectedly received and
accepted a job offer in New York City. All those kitchen items that
were so perfectly displayed in the newly remodeled kitchen of our first
home now had to be packed into a New York City kitchen (or stored in my
mother's basement).
Now that we're thinking about what will be our next family home with
our two little girls, hindsight would have me fill that registry with
more gift cards and cash to have put toward remodels and necessities
that came up in our early marriage. -Carissa Ray
9. Take a breath.
The stuff we were gifted was, in many cases, just stuff. A few things
we loved, some that were quite handy and many we could certainly live
without (and in many cases these years later, are living without).
-Carissa Ray
If your kitchen is the most important room in your home, you'll
definitely want to add these chef-status tools to your wish list.
When you're passionate about food, it's hard not to want every
awesome cooking tool you see. That's why we've selected 12
registry-worthy picks especially for foodies. Add these to your list,
and then, y'know, maybe think about asking for some sheets or towels to
round things out.
A Cool Knife Set
Slice and dice in style with this high-carbon stainless steel knife
set. The carbon means the blades are both tough and sharp, while the
steel helps them stay rust and stain free. And rather than throwing your
knives in a drawer (where they'll quickly get dull), you can display
them with pride in this awesome acrylic stand.
Cutlery set with acrylic stand, $60,
Cuisinart.com
A Frozen Treats Maker
The only thing better than a big bowl of ice cream? A big bowl of homemade ice
cream. With this gadget, you can whip up your favorite flavors in just
20 minutes—not to mention sorbet and froyo too. All you have to do is
add your ingredients to the bowl, turn it on and let 'er rip.
Ice cream, sorbet and froyo maker, $60, Cuisinart.com
A State-of-the-Art Food Processor
This food processor will get it done. And by it, we mean everything:
chopping, mixing, grating, shredding, pulsing, dicing, smoothing and
more. As if its many uses weren't enough, it also boasts two separate
bowls (a 12-cup and a 4-cup), so you can easily change the portion sizes
of what you're making.
Elite Collection 12-cup food processor, $249, Cuisinart.com
A Functional, Fashionable Casserole Dish
There's a reason you'll find a high-quality casserole dish in every
foodie's kitchen: It's versatile, practical and stylish! This dish is
usable on the stove, in the oven or in the broiler, and its elegant
porcelain exterior even lets you bring it to the table, where it can
double as a serving piece.
7-qt. round casserole dish, $130,
Cuisinart.com
A Gourmet Espresso Machine
Brew up professional-quality espresso (or even just good coffee) in
this single-serving maker, which comes with a frothing wand and
cup-warming plate. (Bonus: The wand automatically cleans itself after
each use.) To get your java fix, select a cup size, then add milk with
the push of a button to turn your drink into a cappuccino or latte.
Programmable espresso maker, $599,
Cuisinart.com
A Powerful Mixer
When you're busy working on a multicourse meal, you don't want to waste
any time hunting for your tools. And with this mixer, you won't have
to. Its extra-long beaters, chef's whisk and dough hooks fit perfectly
into a snap-on clear case. That means you can go from zero to 80 in two
seconds flat—literally. With nine speeds, this mixer packs a punch.
9-speed mixer with storage case, $80,
Cuisinart.com
A Chic Wine Cellar
Any foodie worth his or her grapes should have a wine cellar. After
all, it's the only way to keep your bottles at the ideal temperature
while maintaining their flavor, bouquet and body. This mini cellar holds
up to 16 bottles and is the perfect fusion of style and function. We'll
raise a glass to that.
Private reserve wine cellar, $199,
Cuisinart.com
An Ultraprecise Mandoline
Thin cut, waffle cut and julienne to your heart (or stomach's) content.
This bad boy has five different cutting options and thickness
adjusters, which means you'll be able to prepare your ingredients with
precision. We can already smell the homemade potato chips and french
fries cooking.
Mandoline, $50, Cuisinart.com
An Efficient Spice Grinder
To really make the flavors in your food pop, use freshly ground spices
and nuts. This grinder has blades exclusively designed to pulverize
spices and nuts (unlike your coffee grinder, which is made for grinding
beans). It's extremely easy and quick to use. And since both the lid and
stainless steel grinding cup are dishwasher safe, you don't have to
worry about tedious clean-up or, worse, flavor contamination.
Spice and nut grinder, $40, Cuisinart.com
A Colorful Bowl Trio
These cheery bowls will put a smile on your face every time you whip
them out. And in addition to brightening up your kitchen, they'll make
mixing up recipes easy, thanks to their nonslip bottoms and soft-grip
handles.
Multicolored mixing bowl set, $25,
Cuisinart.com
A Deluxe Bread Maker
Once you've tasted fresh bread, you'll never want to go back to grocery
store loaves again. This bread machine offers a variety of crust colors
and loaf sizes, so you get total control over the finished product. It
even makes jams and sauces, so breakfast is basically taken care of once
you brew a piping-hot latte (see espresso maker above).
2-lb. bread maker, $100, Cuisinart.com
A Professional Cookware Set
This cookware set is an excellent choice for couples who know their way
around the kitchen. It's got 13 different pieces, so you'll be prepared
for any dish you decide to whip up on the fly. Plus, the bonded base
warms up quickly and distributes heat evenly, giving you delicious
results every time.
Stainless steel cookware set, $249,
Cuisinart.com
If anything signals "I need an adult apartment," it's a wedding. But swapping a futon for an Eames can put a dent in the nest egg before it even hatches.
Adding a few key pieces to your home, however, can instantly exude interior design mojo. Lee Cavanaugh, design partner at New York-based design firm Cullman & Kravis, shares her thoughts on the five home items newlyweds won't regret purchasing. And many times, it doesn't take a lot of cash to look luxe.
Dining Table
A dining table is one of the most functional items in any home, but it
can serve as a design showpiece too. Look for tables crafted from
long-lasting materials, such as mahogany or walnut, and avoid veneers
that ruin quickly with wear. Mix and match the dining room chairs to
give it a modern aesthetic
or choose a colored glass top for a trendy look. These simple additions
can be changed over time as you move homes or redecorate, but you'll
never need to buy another table. If you're big on entertaining, look for a table with a leaf to expand your dinner party real estate.
Sofa
Like a dining table, a couch is essential to any home.
Cavanaugh recommends purchasing a standard seven-foot, two-inch sofa
with a solid wood frame. Think comfortable and usable, with classic
lines. With this base, she says, you can re-upholster or refill the
cushions, but the skeleton will last for years. As for fabrics, decide
what feels good to you, but always check samples in your space first. Lighting makes a big difference for colors and the effect on the room.
Linens
From place mats to bedding, quality linens quickly upgrade any home. A table runner and napkin rings dress up a dining table
before a friendly meal, and nothing beats hotel-ready sheets at
turndown every evening. For the bedroom, look for crisp, white linens
with custom embroidery and a pop of color for a youthful, modern look.
As for that thread count? Cavanaugh says higher is not necessarily
better: "It's all about what feels good to you."
China Choosing china
is really quite simple. There is not much difference between brands in
terms of quality, according to Cavanaugh, so it's more about what
pattern speaks to you as a couple. Go to a department store and see what
jumps out. Even if you have an heirloom set from grandma, you can
choose a more casual pattern to call your own. For a modern look, mix in bright colors or contrasting patterns. For a more formal look, add a charger plate to a gold- or silver-rimmed classic white.
Art An art collection
does not need to consist of Picassos and Pollocks. For the average
person, art is less about investment and more about what you want to
look at every day. Make a hallway gallery of family photos
set in matching frames or peruse flea markets or galleries for original
pieces by local artists. One of Cavanaugh's favorite projects is a
collection of animal photographs from a couple's safari honeymoon
scattered around their living room. "It's so much more personal than
walking into a place with blank walls."
The weather is heating up and it’s time to get outdoors! Here are fifteen registry picks guaranteed to help you make the most of your summer.
1. Melamine Dinnerware The brighter, the better! Take the dinner party outside with these festive Mudhut Marika Dinner Plates, available at Target. 2. Updated Luggage Summer is prime season for weekend getaways, and this Bric’s X-Bag Spinner from Bloomingdale's will help you travel in style. 3. Ice Cream Maker Whip up your own frozen flavors with this Cuisinart Pure Indulgence Ice Cream Maker, available at Kohl’s. 4. LED Lantern Display a few lanterns on your porch or patio for the perfect post-sunset ambience. This Gerson Scalloped LED Lantern from Kohl’s emits a lovely soft glow. 5. Personalized Beach Towel Whether you plan to hit the beach, lounge by the pool, or relax in the park, a quality beach towel is a must-have. Our pick? Pottery Barn’s Reversible Awning Stripe Beach Towel. Bonus: You can have it customized with your name or monogram. 6. Beverage Server
Why not take advantage of the sunshine and balmy weather with a little al fresco dining? We love the combination of rustic and modern elements on the Sunnylife Wicker Picnic Basket, available at Nordstrom. Bonus: there’s a wine holder attached.
10. Herb Scissors
Summertime is the season for delicious herbs like basil, mint, parsley, and chives. These Mastrad Herb Scissors from Sur La Table make it easy to add them to every meal.
An American Express survey found guests spent an average of $539 on weddings in 2013, up from $339 in 2012. Bridal party members spent even more, shelling out $577 on average. Expenses like travel, hotel stays and wedding attire make up the bulk of wedding guest expenses, with an average of just $108 left over for gifts.
With all that money flying around, it becomes a perennial question for many wedding attendees: How much to spend on your friend’s, cousin’s, co-worker’s nuptials? You don’t want to look cheap, but you don’t want to go over budget.
To make things easy, we reached out to a few wedding etiquette experts to find out — once and for all — how to buy an ideal wedding gift.
1. No, it’s never OK to not buy a gift
No matter how cash-strapped you are or how packed your calendar is with weekend weddings, there’s never a good excuse to justify stiffing the bride and groom at the gift table.
If you truly can’t afford something right away, it’s OK to send a gift after the wedding has passed, says Denise Penny Shepard, senior editor at Brides Magazine. “You can give gifts up to six months to a year later,” she says. “You don’t need to feel guilty or sheepish. Spin it as an awesome anniversary gift.”
Destination weddings are expensive affairs for both the wedding party and the guests, so don’t feel pressured to cough up major cash on a gift. Once you’ve covered airfare, lodging and your transportation to the venue, take a look at your budget and decide how much left you have to give.
“I think couples who are having destination weddings kind of know people aren’t going to splurge on wedding gifts,” Shepard says. “They’re using valuable vacation time. That’s [when it's] totally OK to spend a little less on the gift.”
2. Use the 60-20-20 gift split
The friendlier you are with the bride and groom, the more expensive weddings can be. Not only do you have the ceremony to attend, but there are pre-wedding events like the engagement party, bachelor(ette) party and bridal shower.
The experts at TheKnot.com recommend using a 60-20-20 split if you’re trying to budget for several events for one couple. Spend 20% of your budget on the engagement party gift, 20% on a gift for a bridal shower or other pre-wedding occasion, and reserve 60% for the wedding gift itself.
“Outline your budget ahead of time to see what is doable for you,” says TheKnot.com editor Jamie Miles.
3. Family always spends more
Much like the wedding party itself, there’s a hierarchy when it comes to the amount spent on gifts. And when you’re related to the bride or groom, budget a bit more for a gift than you would for a friend.
“Your relationship to the couple should inform how much you’re giving,” Miles says.
The majority of wedding guests who are friends of the bride and groom spent less than $100 for a gift, according to a 2010 survey by TheKnot.com. Relatives shelled out an average of $146 on wedding gifts and were twice as likely to spend more than $100 compared with friends of the couple.
4. The cost of your Butterflied Leg of Lamb Provencal is irrelevant
Couples spent an average $220 per guest at weddings in 2013, according to TheKnot.com, including $66 on food alone.
But all of our experts agreed that basing the cost of your gift on how much you think the couple is spending on food and entertainment is an antiquated notion.
“It's a bad idea to use the price-per-plate as a measure for how much you should spend on the wedding gift,” says Jessica Silvester, a deputy editor and wedding expert with New York magazine. “You wouldn't give your best friend a less expensive gift just because she was having a more casual affair.”
5. Cash isn’t always king
Cash seems like the sweetest gift to give a pair of newlyweds — whether they’re putting it toward their honeymoon, a down payment or all that wedding-related credit debt, there’s no doubt they’ll find a use for it.
But Shepard cautions guests against cutting a check until they are sure the couple prefers it.
“At some weddings, cash is considered a faux-pas, at others it's encouraged,” she says. “I'd say, if you are older than the couple getting married, and you know through word-of-mouth that they have been living together for a while, have barely registered and are desperately saving for a down payment, a check is great.”
To make the gift feel less transactional, she suggests writing a note in the memo line of your check — such as “Nest egg!” or “For your new digs!”
If you’re stumped, it may be better to just stick to the registry. “More often than not you are better off buying them a gift off their wish list,” she says. “Especially if they've spent a lot of time curating their registries. It's fairly obvious if they have.”
6. Yes, it’s OK to go off-registry
If you’ve waited until the last minute and all the good stuff is taken on the couple’s registry, it’s OK to shop off the beaten path — so long as you know their tastes well enough to pick a gift they actually need or want. If you don’t know them well enough to gauge their tastes, you might be better off sticking to the registry.
“At our wedding, a couple gave us an amazing set of Cook's Illustrated cookbooks because they knew I was an aspiring cook,” Shepard says. “I thought it was more generous than buying from the registry because they took the time to think of something original instead of just clicking through a checklist, which takes five minutes.”
7. Combine resources with friends
Group-gifting has never been trendier. Miles recommends checking out Blueprint Registry, where you can combine funds with friends to give the bride and groom a big-ticket item you may not have otherwise been able to afford.
8. Give a gift even if you can’t go
If you’ve been invited to a wedding but can’t make it, it’s bad form to skimp on the gift, Miles says.
“It depends on your relationship with the bride and groom but my instinct is you send a gift,” she says. “It’s just classy. Include a handwritten note telling them you’re sorry you can’t make it.”
Even if you're mentally prepared to sift through china patterns, registering for everything you'll need for the rest of your life -- the fun stuff and the essentials -- can be overwhelming. With all of that pressure, you're bound to forget a towel or two.
To make sure you cover all of your bases, we consulted Kristy Welker, a Target spokesperson and an authority on wedding registries. Whether it's a digital camera to record your memories or something as simple as a gift card, she knows exactly what you'll need. Here are the top ten things you and your future hubby shouldn't overlook.
Barware"Wine glasses and drinking glasses appear on most registry lists, but accessories like pitchers, cocktail shakers and decanters are often overlooked."
Items for Hobbies"Love being outdoors? Register for a tent for a camping adventure or for bikes to hit the trails. Love the latest movies? Register for DVDs so you'll have a collection of favorites on hand for nights spent at home."
Beach Towels"Going on a tropical honeymoon? Register for some fun beach towels to take on your unforgettable vacation."
Digital Camera"You'll be creating lots of memories in the years ahead. Why not ask for a new digital camera or camcorder to record all of the great moments?"
Picture Frames"You'll want beautiful frames to display your fabulous wedding and honeymoon photos. Don't forget to add a few of your favorites to your registry."
Gift Cards"A gift card will come in handy when unexpected things pop up. It'll be nice to have some extra cash available for future purchases at your favorite store."
Outdoor/Indoor Grill"If you have a backyard or a patio, a grill is great thing to add to your registry. If grilling outdoors isn't an option, an indoor grill can be almost as much fun."
Luggage"Whether for the honeymoon or for vacations in years to come, a nice set of matching luggage will make any couple feel like they belong together."
Extra Towels"Towels typically are included on registry lists, but make sure to register for a few extra sets so you'll have enough on hand to replace those that get a lot of use—and for unexpected guests."
Vacuum Cleaner"Couples frequently leave this essential item off their lists, but it's the perfect opportunity to snag something super practical."
Around the winter holidays, between the ages of 6 and 11 I would salivate while waiting for the Sears catalog to arrive. My mother would come home from work, toss the beefy magazine on the floor of our basement, and my siblings and I would pounce on it like a pack of hungry Dobermans at suppertime. Everyone would get a turn to flip through the pages and pick their item of choice. Once we picked our poison, we would uncap the grape-scented smelly marker, circle our prize, scribble our initials next to it, and then pass it to the next person for their turn. This would go on and on until the glossy pages barely clung to the spine. It was the highlight of the holiday season.
This kind of easy joy is what I pictured when I imagined us registering for our wedding. Oh, how wrong I was. How very, very wrong. Some things for you to consider:
Take this thing seriously
When Beth announced she had signed us up for a private Crate & Barrel registry event, I shrugged my shoulders and went back to watching The Wire. I figured I would have plenty of time to mentally prepare myself. Two weeks later, when that Sunday morning came around, I had completely forgotten we had RSVP'd -- I spent the prior night drinking whisky and playing Rock Band until the wee hours of the morning. When her alarm went off at 8:00 am and she announced that we had to head all the way across town to stare at different sized plates all morning, I was none too pleased.
For the next two and a half hours, I was on my feet, shuffling the showroom floors, nodding and "mmhmm-ing" everything from fancy pickle grabbers to deluxe food processors. When I left, I was bleary eyed and walking with a limp.
So, don't do what I did and take this thing lightly. It won't be a quick, simple pit stop. The wedding registry is a marathon and you need to respect it, lest it eat you alive. Get some sleep the night before. And for the love of God, don't be hungover.
Don't get carried away
At the event, we were immediately escorted upstairs to sign into the guestbook and handed some kind of electronic device. We were told that if we found something that caught our eye, all we just had to do was "point and click." While I casually tried to program in "80085," Beth stood by and surveyed the daunting task before us with newly discovered apprehension.
Going into it, I think we both assumed that registering was a no-brainer for cool, logical, modern couples like ourselves. We had laughed together, "I'm sooo glad we're not one of those ridiculous couples that registers for outlandish, unnecessary crap! No way, that's not us. We'll get some silverware, maybe a new crockpot... and then we're out."
But before we could even start checking off the essentials on our list, we found ourselves completely distracted and borderline obsessed with checking out what the other couples were registering for. That good-looking couple over there just lasered a three-tier cooling rack... we don't have that on our list. Why do they need that? Should we be getting that too? What do they know that we don't?
It took a five minute debate about a $70 snow cone maker before we finally came to our senses.
Don't fall into the trap of feeling that you need to buy everything they are. Registering is a job and you and your partner need to focus on the task at hand. It's you versus the ceramic world. You may feel that if your new competition Johnny and Sally Perfectpair pick up a $400 stand mixer, then you should add it to your collection as well. Forget all that. Put on those horseblinders and steer the course.
Have an opinion (but don't get offended if your partner doesn't)
Once the process is underway and you two are scanning and beeping and scanning and beeping, hold on to your hats. The phrase, "hmmm... what do you think?" is about to come at you over and over again like a barrage of English arrows from Braveheart. Take, for example, our first stop in the dish aisle. Beth took about 130 years to carefully inspect each and every style of plate available. She asked me for my opinion several times, but I could only pretend to see a difference between the flat, white one and the other flat, white one. When the plates were finally done, we moved on to cups. I stood patiently by while she slowly turned coffee mugs in her hand -- as if uncovering the bones of a triceratops. Again, they all looked the same to me. At one point, this happened:
Beth: I've decided on these three types of wine glasses.
Me: Three different types? Why would you ever need three different types?
Beth: Different kinds of wine! And when company comes, Brandon!
Me: What "company"?
Beth: We're going to have company some day!
Sigh.
However, I don't think you should completely check out -- everyone should be able to find something to get excited about. Find those items that you really want and do some research. I didn't get pumped until we got to the expensive Japanese knife section and suddenly I was throwing down some serious knife knowledge while Beth took the backseat. Picking out expensive knives? That's what serious grownups do!
I think it's totally acceptable to simply say, "I don't care." Each partner should understand if the other one doesn't have an opinion about certain items, as long as each of you has an opinion about something.
... Accept that you might have to do this again
When we finally got home, I kicked off my chucks and turned on the PlayStation 3 in one fluid motion. Beth plopped on the couch and flipped open her laptop to make sure everything we scanned went through alright. I was just getting into my Katamari Damacy pleasure coma when a light bulb clicked on above my head.
Me: Hey, so we're done right? No more registering?
Beth: Hmm, no. I think you're supposed to do like three different places. Give people options, you know?
Me: THREE?! I don't know if I can handle that. I'm only going again if it's a place with a pinball machine -- I definitely want to register for a pinball machine. If you get pie pans, I get a pinball machine.
Beth: Absolutely not. You know why? Because I know your friends and your friends would actually band together and get you the pinball machine.
Bone China isn't made from real bones
I was really bummed to find this out. I just don't want you getting your hopes up like I did.
Everyone talks about how stressful wedding planning can be and the top topics tend to include guest list dilemmas, budgeting and even drama with mom. But registering can prove stressful too! In fact, 3/4 of brides-to-be find the process overwhelming. You would think that registering would be fun because it’s kind of like the ultimate shopping spree, but when you actually are standing in the store with a scanner in your hand, you realize there’s a lot to think about. That’s why we partnered with Corelle this month for National Wedding Registry Month to assist brides with the process. And we put together a few tips to registering….
1. Start early We recommend starting your registry six months in advance so that friends and family can buy the gifts you really want for engagement parties, showers and the wedding!
2. Create a plan Discuss and decide the items you and your fiance really want for your home before starting the process. Note what you already have since you’ll likely be consolidating your items.
3. Think quality Do your research to ensure you are registering for long-lasting, durable products. The new Boutique by Corelle dinnerware collection comes in two embossed designs, Cherish (featured above) and Swept, which are simple but sophisticated. More importantly, the line is break resistant, microwaveable and dishwasher safe — on top of being stylish!
4. Don’t forget the necessities It might seem boring, but you’re going to need daily kitchen tools beyond the more popular mixers and blenders. Consider registering for brands like Corelle, Pyrex and CorningWare which are reliable, long-lasting brands. Don’t overlook the obvious basics you’ll need!
5. Have fun! Enjoy the process! While traditional registries are most popular (93% of couples register at national/regional retailers), honeymoon registries continue to grow in popularity, up to 13% in 2012 compared to 11% in 2010. If you have all the household essentials you need, consider this as an alternative. Some of the more popular ones are Honeyfund, Traveler’s Joy and Honeymoon wishes. Charity registries are another great consideration.
To top it all off, Corelle is running a sweepstakes on their Facebook page until May 29 – you can enter to win your entire registry for FREE! Check it out and enter at Facebook.com/corelledining.
Don't Go Overboard When registering, stick to two or three stores you love. Choose a national department store or chain that has lots of household basics; and you may also want a local specialty store to add to your registry. Think of your guests -- you may want to choose stores that are low-, medium-, and high-end, so guests have gifts in a variety of price ranges to choose from.
Do Register Ahead of Time Complete your registry four to six months before the wedding. This will give guests time to purchase gifts for the big day, but also for your engagement and a shower.
Don't Tell Guests Where You're Registered in Your Invitation Once you have registered, give the information to immediate family and the wedding party, and let them spread the word. If you are asked where you have registered, it is fine for you to tell, but it is not proper to include registry information in a wedding invitation. Registry information can be included on a wedding website, as long as the actual name of the store is not included on the same layer; organize your website so that guests must click down one level to find the details.
Do Register for Enough Gifts Register for more gifts than you have guests, so there will be plenty of items to choose from. Think about who your guests are, and register for gifts in a wide range of prices, or choose individual items rather than sets, as with pots and pans, for instance. It is fine to put a few expensive items on your registry, but balance them with equally lovely options that are more affordable.
Don't Ask for Money While it's still taboo to ask for money directly, financial registries try to make this less awkward; for example, couples can now register for stocks via a website such as GiftsofStock.com, or for their honeymoon through a travel agency or an online service such as TheHoneymoon.com. Saving up for a house? Some banks have programs that let brides and grooms establish a special account to which guests can give money earmarked for a down payment.
Do Review Your Registry If your registry doesn't automatically notify you when a gift has been purchased, review your registry every few weeks, and more frequently as the wedding approaches. Use your updated registry to help you keep up with writing thank-you notes.
Don't Limit Your Registry Don't think just about your lifestyle as it is today. You'll be entertaining more in the years to come, so create a wish list of items: a platter for your first Thanksgiving dinner or champagne glasses for a New Year's toast. Keep those special occasions in mind; it's a wonderful way to include loved ones in those important milestones.
Do Write Thank-You Notes Right Away Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately; writing a note the day you receive it is best, but sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. Of course, the period surrounding your wedding is a busy time; if you fall behind, just make every effort to send a thank you as soon as you can -- but no later than three months after the event.
Don't Worry if You Don't Get Everything on Your Registry If you don't receive everything you registered for, don't fret. Many stores have a completion program, which offers a discount on remaining items, or will keep the registry active for anywhere from a few months to a few years, so friends and relatives can continue to purchase gifts from it as other joyous occasions arise.
Here's how it's supposed to work in an ideal world: Boy meets girl (or boy); love happens; proposal follows. This turns out to be the easy part, because it seems chaos inevitably ensues, no matter how well-adjusted the parties involved are at the onset. This is especially true when it comes to the registry: something, it seems, that is always prepared in a hurry, a low priority next to all of the other wedding arrangements.
I've never been a part of a couple listed on a registry (i.e. engaged to be married). I am, however, of that age where I've seen plenty. Plus, as a market editor at Town & Country Magazine, where I worked for almost six years, I acquired an extensive knowledge of what those of us in "the biz" call "tabletop" (and what disinterested parties might call "plates" or "glasses"). While my extensive mental directory of Anything You'd Put in a Home (furniture, accessories, textiles, appliances) might seem superfluous to some, it has made me even more of a valued friend to those who have embarked on the registry process -- and by that I mean marriage.
This is how I see it: a wedding registry is a one-shot chance to kit out your home with stuff you love. If this is a second marriage for either or both of you, you might have already lost your credibility with your guests the first time around, in which case I hope you got the silver! The betrothed spend so much time working out the details of their Big Day, or increasingly, the Wedding Weekend, and disproportionally less time selecting the goods they'll spend the rest of their lives with (and are asking people to invest in).
It's not really the couple's fault: there's so much focus on picking the date and location, without which you can't actually start a traditional registry, that by the time those are set, the poor couple is already fending off aggressive Gift Givers wanting to commemorate the engagement with a vase, candlesticks or a picture frame. These can be great gifts, provided they are what you want and what jibes with your aesthetic. But if not, they just become something you're stuck trying to return. And then there are the unsolicited suggestions, opinions and advice with which the couple must contend from so-called "experienced parties" (grandparents, know-it-all friends, mothers-in-law).
My friends have strong personalities, different tastes, and their own unique styles, and yet their registries seem to pull from just three or four of the same retailers (Crate & Barrel, Bloomingdale's, Williams-Sonoma all around!) The registries all seem so similar, not in keeping with the independent, awesome people I know they are. This is not to say they didn't choose some nice things, but where did all the creativity go? Why are today's registries so damn impersonal, when there's a plethora of cool and beautiful things available?
Some of these nontraditional registry items might require a bit of hunting to find (i.e. they won't necessarily all be online, and not everything can be selected with one of those scanning guns at Bloomingdale's) others just require you to let go of preconceived notions of what a registry can be.
Why can't you register for wine you love? Or if you're in the process of setting up a new home, why shouldn't your friends and family get you something that properly feathers your nest? For example, I love MaxwellSilverNY.com for offering goodies from some of my favorite NYC stores (awesome bedding from Dwell, soapstone chargers from Canvas) MoMAstore.org for its funky version of functional accessories (Measuring cups! Clocks!) and TableArtOnline.com for chic stuff for the table you won't find everywhere else.
And who says you must limit yourself to a store that offers a Registry Service? Yes, there's something about the convenience factor, but most guests, myself included, will gladly spend a little more effort for something they take pleasure in buying and gifting. If there's something you love at a store that doesn't have a website, it doesn't mean it can't be a part of your registry. If you have a wedding website, post a picture of it; it's not too much to ask for a guest to -- gasp! -- call a store and order it, or even better, stop in and buy it for you. Once you've received it, you can take down the picture of the item, or simply write "Thanks, Aunt Susie" next to it. The latter will also help your guests who might not be familiar with your style to get a more complete picture of your taste. So loosen up, and have fun with it. We'll call it your gift to me.
I went to my Parents House yesterday and saw that there was a package there from my Bed Bath and Beyond. My Great Uncle Ernest bought Scott and I our 1st wedding gift.... So nice of him and a great surprise...
I like the idea of people being so generous especially during these rough economic times to give us a gift to start our life together.
From over-the-top crystal to personal grooming items, wedding registries can run the gamut, but here are 10 shocking items real couples have actually registered for.
1. PediPaws. Yes, the nail clipper for dogs
2. A bike. What?!?!
3. A deck of Uno playing cards.
4. A Shake Weight. And no, it wasn't a joke.
5. Diapers and other baby items (apparently just to see what people would think!).
6. An Xbox.
7. Glassware service for 50! They registered for 50 wineglasses, margarita glasses, martini glasses, champagne glasses, beer mugs and highball glasses, for a total of 300 pieces of glassware!
Jayme Burrows / Shutterstock
These Red Seafood Crackers from William-Sonoma are a must for feasting on lobster claws, crab legs, and other summer seafood staples. 
