Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Free Wedding Dress From A Bride Who Wants To 'Pay It Forward'
The wedding dress is a big part of every wedding. But after the Big Day, it may be doomed to a life inside of a box, waiting for a future daughter to wear it down the aisle. Or worse, never to be worn again.
But one Washington, D.C. woman decided her dress was too beautiful to condemn to a life in hiding. So she's giving it away.
HuffPost Weddings spoke to the generous bride -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- and she told us that, after tying the knot two weeks ago, she felt so surrounded with love that she decided the best way to repay her family and friends for such a "hospitable, generous, and warm" wedding was to pay it forward to another bride.
The woman is looking for a bride who is unable to afford a wedding, a groom looking to surprise his bride with a dress they wouldn't have been able to afford, or a couple who had to elope or have a courthouse wedding and is now looking to have a more formal affair. "Basically, I'm hoping to find someone who really loves the dress and whose wedding experience will be truly transformed by having it," she told Huffington Post Weddings in an email.
The dress, which originally cost $800, was purchased from the family-owned Cocoon Silk in Portland, Ore. via Etsy. The shop uses Cambodian silk to create all of their own designs, and even did some alterations for free. The dress roughly fits a size 4.
"To know that this dress will bring someone else joy on their special celebration is an incredible blessing. It makes my own wedding feel that much more special, to know that we were able to use it for some greater good," she said of her decision to give away the dress.
HuffPost Weddings is helping this generous bride find her perfect match. If you or someone you know needs a wedding dress and can't afford one, send your story and why you love the dress to weddings@huffingtonpost.com by Thursday Oct. 4. The winner will be announced Friday Oct. 5.
But one Washington, D.C. woman decided her dress was too beautiful to condemn to a life in hiding. So she's giving it away.
HuffPost Weddings spoke to the generous bride -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- and she told us that, after tying the knot two weeks ago, she felt so surrounded with love that she decided the best way to repay her family and friends for such a "hospitable, generous, and warm" wedding was to pay it forward to another bride.
The woman is looking for a bride who is unable to afford a wedding, a groom looking to surprise his bride with a dress they wouldn't have been able to afford, or a couple who had to elope or have a courthouse wedding and is now looking to have a more formal affair. "Basically, I'm hoping to find someone who really loves the dress and whose wedding experience will be truly transformed by having it," she told Huffington Post Weddings in an email.
The dress, which originally cost $800, was purchased from the family-owned Cocoon Silk in Portland, Ore. via Etsy. The shop uses Cambodian silk to create all of their own designs, and even did some alterations for free. The dress roughly fits a size 4.
"To know that this dress will bring someone else joy on their special celebration is an incredible blessing. It makes my own wedding feel that much more special, to know that we were able to use it for some greater good," she said of her decision to give away the dress.
HuffPost Weddings is helping this generous bride find her perfect match. If you or someone you know needs a wedding dress and can't afford one, send your story and why you love the dress to weddings@huffingtonpost.com by Thursday Oct. 4. The winner will be announced Friday Oct. 5.
Why I Don't Get Friendly With Clients Until After The Big Day
My first year as a wedding planner, I learned a hard lesson about not becoming too close to the brides who are my clients until after their big day is over. Don't get me wrong -- I adore my brides and grooms and I look forward to welcoming them back to the island as "friends" when they return for their anniversaries and other special occasions. But until you've gone down the aisle and said your "I Dos," you're my client and I'm your wedding planner, not your girlfriend.
The first mistake of this kind that I made was letting one of my brides get too close to me. She was marrying a guy with a challenging family (my way of saying the MoG was an evil nasty witch) and her own mother and her sister (the MoH) weren't particularly nice or easy people to deal with either. I got this impression long before I met them as I held this client's hand through bouts of tears at all hours of the night. To be honest, I did it because I liked her, and I thought we would probably be friends when the wedding was over with, but I never drew the line in the sand for the bride. And that came back to bite me in the butt.
Everything about her wedding weekend went perfectly -- there were no major bugaboos, no big drama -- but the bride was strung tight as a wire through the whole thing. Sadly, I doubt she enjoyed a single one of the numerous activities she'd so meticulously planned. As a graphic designer, she'd gone way above and beyond with customizing every little element of the weekend, and by the time she arrived on the island, she was physically and emotionally drained. Not the best way to approach your Caribbean destination wedding weekend.
On her wedding day, this bride was a hot mess. The hairdresser called to give me a heads up that she'd spent most of the afternoon crying in the chair at her salon, with the MoB and MoH just making things worse. But what was I supposed to do about it? Every detail of this wedding was a challenge, and I was needed on site at the wedding setup. I gave her hugs and tried to pep her up as we crossed paths, but I was trying to make sure that the place cards didn't blow away and that the table ribbons were all anchored with double-sticky tape (the challenges of outdoor, waterfront wedding venues).
I didn't hear from her after her honeymoon. I was hurt and I emailed a couple of times. When we finally spoke, I asked her what she thought of her wedding (the pictures were amazing) and she started to cry. She told me that while every detail of her wedding was perfect, I had let her down emotionally. She felt I wasn't there for her when she needed me on the big day. Wow. I was shattered. While I knew her expectations had been unreasonable, I was devastated she felt I'd abandoned her.
On a lighter note, that same month, another bride pulled a doozy on me. Back then, my office was in my house and some of my clients had been there. This couple had ties to the island and we'd been out socially with them a few times. At six o'clock in the morning on her wedding day, this bride showed up with her MoH on my doorstep. Drunk as a skunk, sobbing hysterically and having just had a nasty fight with the man she was due to marry in exactly 12 hours.
As there are no rules in the How-to-Be-a-Good-Wedding-Planner guides about how to handle this sort of situation, I brought them into the house and talked her off the ledge while the MoH made coffee. My husband Bill got up and made breakfast (no really, he did!) for our guests while we got her into the shower. After about an hour-long nap, we sent her down to the hairdresser to begin prep for the hours of photos she had planned (she was in need of some serious war paint after all those tears), and I went over to the villa to talk to the groom. End of story -- they had a beautiful wedding that night and they lived happily ever after. And I know this because we are still good friends to this day.
With that said, it was the last time we told clients where we lived before they were married. And I never let myself get close enough to another bride so that she would be leaning on me for moral support on the day of her wedding. That is not my job. Just to be clear -- a wedding planner is an event coordinator who takes the responsibility for facilitating and executing (perfectly) all the little details that come together to create the most fabulous day of your life. A planner is not a therapist, she is not your MoH, she is not your BFF, and she is not the person whose shoulder you should plan to cry on during your wedding weekend. I'm not heartless -- I wish I could be all of those things to every client I have. But the reality is that you have to assign the emotional support role to one of your friends or family members on your actual wedding weekend because my job is to be everywhere you are not, getting things ready for when you arrive.
Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra!
Sandy
The first mistake of this kind that I made was letting one of my brides get too close to me. She was marrying a guy with a challenging family (my way of saying the MoG was an evil nasty witch) and her own mother and her sister (the MoH) weren't particularly nice or easy people to deal with either. I got this impression long before I met them as I held this client's hand through bouts of tears at all hours of the night. To be honest, I did it because I liked her, and I thought we would probably be friends when the wedding was over with, but I never drew the line in the sand for the bride. And that came back to bite me in the butt.
Everything about her wedding weekend went perfectly -- there were no major bugaboos, no big drama -- but the bride was strung tight as a wire through the whole thing. Sadly, I doubt she enjoyed a single one of the numerous activities she'd so meticulously planned. As a graphic designer, she'd gone way above and beyond with customizing every little element of the weekend, and by the time she arrived on the island, she was physically and emotionally drained. Not the best way to approach your Caribbean destination wedding weekend.
On her wedding day, this bride was a hot mess. The hairdresser called to give me a heads up that she'd spent most of the afternoon crying in the chair at her salon, with the MoB and MoH just making things worse. But what was I supposed to do about it? Every detail of this wedding was a challenge, and I was needed on site at the wedding setup. I gave her hugs and tried to pep her up as we crossed paths, but I was trying to make sure that the place cards didn't blow away and that the table ribbons were all anchored with double-sticky tape (the challenges of outdoor, waterfront wedding venues).
I didn't hear from her after her honeymoon. I was hurt and I emailed a couple of times. When we finally spoke, I asked her what she thought of her wedding (the pictures were amazing) and she started to cry. She told me that while every detail of her wedding was perfect, I had let her down emotionally. She felt I wasn't there for her when she needed me on the big day. Wow. I was shattered. While I knew her expectations had been unreasonable, I was devastated she felt I'd abandoned her.
On a lighter note, that same month, another bride pulled a doozy on me. Back then, my office was in my house and some of my clients had been there. This couple had ties to the island and we'd been out socially with them a few times. At six o'clock in the morning on her wedding day, this bride showed up with her MoH on my doorstep. Drunk as a skunk, sobbing hysterically and having just had a nasty fight with the man she was due to marry in exactly 12 hours.
As there are no rules in the How-to-Be-a-Good-Wedding-Planner guides about how to handle this sort of situation, I brought them into the house and talked her off the ledge while the MoH made coffee. My husband Bill got up and made breakfast (no really, he did!) for our guests while we got her into the shower. After about an hour-long nap, we sent her down to the hairdresser to begin prep for the hours of photos she had planned (she was in need of some serious war paint after all those tears), and I went over to the villa to talk to the groom. End of story -- they had a beautiful wedding that night and they lived happily ever after. And I know this because we are still good friends to this day.
With that said, it was the last time we told clients where we lived before they were married. And I never let myself get close enough to another bride so that she would be leaning on me for moral support on the day of her wedding. That is not my job. Just to be clear -- a wedding planner is an event coordinator who takes the responsibility for facilitating and executing (perfectly) all the little details that come together to create the most fabulous day of your life. A planner is not a therapist, she is not your MoH, she is not your BFF, and she is not the person whose shoulder you should plan to cry on during your wedding weekend. I'm not heartless -- I wish I could be all of those things to every client I have. But the reality is that you have to assign the emotional support role to one of your friends or family members on your actual wedding weekend because my job is to be everywhere you are not, getting things ready for when you arrive.
Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra!
Sandy
Traditions From Around the Globe
Wedding Traditions in Italy
When: In bygone Italy, wedding festivities kicked off in the morning, ideally on a Sunday. Regional Italian folklore dictated that couples should never marry (or leave for their honeymoon) on a Friday or Tuesday, or they'd be bound to have loads of bad luck, while Saturdays were reserved for widows getting hitched to husband number two (or three, or four...).
Attire: In addition to a white gown, the blushing bride's face would be hidden beneath a veil -- a symbol of her virginity and to protect her from unruly spirits. Tearing the veil, however, was considered good luck. (Why? Just use your imagination.) Meanwhile, the groom lugged a piece of iron (preferably a small one) in his pocket to ward off evil spirits.
Activities: Italian brides and grooms made their way to the chapel on foot. In some regions, it was considered bad luck for the groom to turn around once he stepped foot outside his house on his wedding day (no backing out now!). Just in case, he'd be accompanied to the ceremony by a group of friends who would run back for him if he'd forgotten something. After the wedding ceremony, the couple would shatter a vase -- doing their best to pulverize it, since the number of broken pieces represented the number of years they'd be happily married. Villagers might also set up a log for the newlyweds to saw through with a double-handed saw -- representing how they would work together in their new partnership.
The Food: Even hundreds of years ago, food was an essential part of an Italian wedding. Course after course of antipasti, calamari, pasta, fish, pork and more were accompanied by a liqueur or wine. Guests could always count on having some wanda, bow ties of fried dough dipped in powdered sugar that symbolized good luck. Confetti -- sugar-covered almonds (or Jordan almonds, as we know them) representing the bitter and sweet parts of life -- served as a snack or, yes, as something to throw at the newlyweds as they made their exit.
The Music: The bride and groom would lead their guests in a jaunty circular jig called the tarantella. Legend has it that this springy dance could save victims from poisonous tarantula bites.
Added Perk: Money -- and lots of it. To help with the expense of the wedding, guests would place cold, hard cash in a satin bag called la borsa carried by the bride.
Wedding Traditions in China
When: It all depended on the astrologer. Chinese couples consulted a fortune-teller to find a favorable date derived from their birth dates.
Attire: For centuries, Chinese brides wore the traditional qipao, a bright-red silk dress with intricate gold embroidery. These loose, high-necked, long-sleeved gowns fell all the way to the ground -- revealing only the bride's head, hands and toes. At the reception, the bride often changed gowns several times throughout the night to show the opulence of her family.
Activities: On the morning of the wedding day, the groom and his groomsmen would make their way to the bride's home. There, the bridesmaids would give the groom a hard time -- forcing him to negotiate (with money) his way into the house. Once the ladies were satisfied with his offerings, they would deem him worthy of entering, and he would join the bride's parents for tea (served by the bride) as a parting ritual.
The Food: Weddings were a great excuse for families to flaunt their wealth, making a 10- to 12-course banquet a regular occurrence at a traditional Chinese wedding. Shark fin soup was a luxurious staple -- which, at upwards of $100 a bowl today, could drain anyone's bank account quickly. Other delicacies included bird's nest soup (yes, made from real swifts' nests) and a whole fish, which was served because the word for fish, yu, sounds similar to the word for abundance.
The Music: At more elaborate weddings, the couple and their guests would enjoy a performance called the lion dance, in which performers dressed as powerful felines swayed to the beat of drums, gongs and cymbals to scare away evil spirits.
Added Perk: After the wedding feast, friends and family would follow the couple into their bedroom, making as much noise as possible and taunting them -- all in good fun, of course. Guests tried to stay in the room for as long as they could before the privacy-starved couple kicked them out.
Wedding Traditions in Mexico
When: A summer evening.
Attire: The bride's attire would vary greatly depending on the region, from simple white cotton to a colorfully embroidered huipil. Spanish-inspired mantilla veils were common as well. She might also wear a blue slip or sew three ribbons (one yellow, one blue and one red) into her undergarments to symbolize food, money and passion in the years to come. The groom would usually wear a lightly colored guayabera, a loose-fitting shirt perfectly suited for the Mexican sun.
Activities: During the ceremony, the groom would give his bride 13 gold coins, called arras, which symbolized Christ and his apostles. Following the vows, the priest would wrap a lazo, or lasso (a large rosary, rope or a band of flowers), in a figure eight around the couple's necks to represent their eternal unity.
The Food: Spicy rice, beans and tortillas. The traditional Mexican wedding cake is made with nuts and dried fruit and soaked in rum.
The Music: A mariachi band (with at least two violins, two trumpets, one Spanish guitar, one vihuela and one guitarron) would provide the day's music. La Marcha -- a dance similar in appearance to an elaborate game of Follow the Leader -- would serve as the couple's reception entrance. Two lines, each led by a family elder, would weave around the room, eventually meeting to form a bridge with their arms before breaking apart to form a circle around the bride and groom for their first dance.
Added Perk: Bridal attendants called madrinas (godmothers) helped the bride by making the plans, arranging bouquets and keeping a general handle on the day's events. It would also be their responsibility to guide the bride throughout her married life.
Wedding Traditions in Sweden
When: With almost 20 hours of sunlight each day, summer was considered prime wedding season.
Attire: A crown of myrtle leaves on the bride's head represented virginity, while a gold coin from her father in her right shoe and a silver one from her mother in her left shoe guaranteed she would never go without.
Activities: In some regions, brides and bridesmaids also carried bouquets of weeds that stunk to high heaven in order to ward off trolls (don't knock it -- trolls haven't crashed anyone's wedding so far!). The couple would also enter the church together. The first to step foot over the threshold was said to become the pants-wearer in the relationship.
The Food: The traditional Swedish smorgasbord lasted for three days and included inlagd sill (pickled herring), lingonsylt (lingonberry jam) and kottbullar (Swedish meatballs).
The Music: Throughout dinner, the guests would sing love songs and, eventually, rowdy folk songs accompanied by a fiddle. Every guest was welcome to give a speech or toast in honor of the new couple.
Added Perk: A Swedish bride received three gold rings from her future husband. One was for her engagement, and on her wedding day, she'd receive two more: one for marriage and one for pregnancy.
Wedding Traditions in Morocco
When: Historically, Moroccans celebrated weddings on Sundays in the fall at the end of the harvest, when there was plenty of food to feast on.
Attire: This varied greatly by region. But what they all shared was color -- and lots of it -- including yellow (to scare away evil) and green (to bring good luck). In preparation for the day, the bride and her attendants, or negaffa, would have a henna party, receiving temporary tattoos on their hands and feet (with the bride's being the most intricate, of course).
Activities: A traditional Moroccan wedding lasted up to seven days, with separate parties for the men and women. The first three days were spent preparing, partying and beautifying the bride. On the fourth, the couple was married. On the fifth and sixth days, the celebrations raged on. Finally, on the seventh day, the parties combined and the bride was placed on a cushion and held aloft in front of friends and family. The men would hoist the groom onto their shoulders, and the new couple would be carried off to a special room to consummate their marriage.
The Food: Fish and chicken, ancient symbols of fertility, were often served. Guests dug into tajine (a chicken, beef and lamb stew mixed with almonds, apricots, onions and other spices) alongside heaping piles of couscous.
The Music: The bride and groom were ushered into the reception with a lively wedding march called the zaffa, complete with music, dancing and even flaming swords. Guests would boogie down throughout the night to the sounds of drums, tambourines and a string instrument called a zither.
Added Perk: Sure, the wedding was exhausting, but Moroccan brides got some serious pampering too -- namely, massages and milk baths (hammam) to purify themselves for the special day (er, week).
A special thanks to: Lisa Light, founder of DestinationBride.com and author of Destination Bride: A Complete Guide to Planning Your Wedding Anywhere in the World (2005); and Timeless Traditions: A Couple's Guide to Wedding Customs Around the World (2001) by Lisl Spangenberg.
When: In bygone Italy, wedding festivities kicked off in the morning, ideally on a Sunday. Regional Italian folklore dictated that couples should never marry (or leave for their honeymoon) on a Friday or Tuesday, or they'd be bound to have loads of bad luck, while Saturdays were reserved for widows getting hitched to husband number two (or three, or four...).
Attire: In addition to a white gown, the blushing bride's face would be hidden beneath a veil -- a symbol of her virginity and to protect her from unruly spirits. Tearing the veil, however, was considered good luck. (Why? Just use your imagination.) Meanwhile, the groom lugged a piece of iron (preferably a small one) in his pocket to ward off evil spirits.
Activities: Italian brides and grooms made their way to the chapel on foot. In some regions, it was considered bad luck for the groom to turn around once he stepped foot outside his house on his wedding day (no backing out now!). Just in case, he'd be accompanied to the ceremony by a group of friends who would run back for him if he'd forgotten something. After the wedding ceremony, the couple would shatter a vase -- doing their best to pulverize it, since the number of broken pieces represented the number of years they'd be happily married. Villagers might also set up a log for the newlyweds to saw through with a double-handed saw -- representing how they would work together in their new partnership.
The Food: Even hundreds of years ago, food was an essential part of an Italian wedding. Course after course of antipasti, calamari, pasta, fish, pork and more were accompanied by a liqueur or wine. Guests could always count on having some wanda, bow ties of fried dough dipped in powdered sugar that symbolized good luck. Confetti -- sugar-covered almonds (or Jordan almonds, as we know them) representing the bitter and sweet parts of life -- served as a snack or, yes, as something to throw at the newlyweds as they made their exit.
The Music: The bride and groom would lead their guests in a jaunty circular jig called the tarantella. Legend has it that this springy dance could save victims from poisonous tarantula bites.
Added Perk: Money -- and lots of it. To help with the expense of the wedding, guests would place cold, hard cash in a satin bag called la borsa carried by the bride.
Wedding Traditions in China
When: It all depended on the astrologer. Chinese couples consulted a fortune-teller to find a favorable date derived from their birth dates.
Attire: For centuries, Chinese brides wore the traditional qipao, a bright-red silk dress with intricate gold embroidery. These loose, high-necked, long-sleeved gowns fell all the way to the ground -- revealing only the bride's head, hands and toes. At the reception, the bride often changed gowns several times throughout the night to show the opulence of her family.
Activities: On the morning of the wedding day, the groom and his groomsmen would make their way to the bride's home. There, the bridesmaids would give the groom a hard time -- forcing him to negotiate (with money) his way into the house. Once the ladies were satisfied with his offerings, they would deem him worthy of entering, and he would join the bride's parents for tea (served by the bride) as a parting ritual.
The Food: Weddings were a great excuse for families to flaunt their wealth, making a 10- to 12-course banquet a regular occurrence at a traditional Chinese wedding. Shark fin soup was a luxurious staple -- which, at upwards of $100 a bowl today, could drain anyone's bank account quickly. Other delicacies included bird's nest soup (yes, made from real swifts' nests) and a whole fish, which was served because the word for fish, yu, sounds similar to the word for abundance.
The Music: At more elaborate weddings, the couple and their guests would enjoy a performance called the lion dance, in which performers dressed as powerful felines swayed to the beat of drums, gongs and cymbals to scare away evil spirits.
Added Perk: After the wedding feast, friends and family would follow the couple into their bedroom, making as much noise as possible and taunting them -- all in good fun, of course. Guests tried to stay in the room for as long as they could before the privacy-starved couple kicked them out.
Wedding Traditions in Mexico
When: A summer evening.
Attire: The bride's attire would vary greatly depending on the region, from simple white cotton to a colorfully embroidered huipil. Spanish-inspired mantilla veils were common as well. She might also wear a blue slip or sew three ribbons (one yellow, one blue and one red) into her undergarments to symbolize food, money and passion in the years to come. The groom would usually wear a lightly colored guayabera, a loose-fitting shirt perfectly suited for the Mexican sun.
Activities: During the ceremony, the groom would give his bride 13 gold coins, called arras, which symbolized Christ and his apostles. Following the vows, the priest would wrap a lazo, or lasso (a large rosary, rope or a band of flowers), in a figure eight around the couple's necks to represent their eternal unity.
The Food: Spicy rice, beans and tortillas. The traditional Mexican wedding cake is made with nuts and dried fruit and soaked in rum.
The Music: A mariachi band (with at least two violins, two trumpets, one Spanish guitar, one vihuela and one guitarron) would provide the day's music. La Marcha -- a dance similar in appearance to an elaborate game of Follow the Leader -- would serve as the couple's reception entrance. Two lines, each led by a family elder, would weave around the room, eventually meeting to form a bridge with their arms before breaking apart to form a circle around the bride and groom for their first dance.
Added Perk: Bridal attendants called madrinas (godmothers) helped the bride by making the plans, arranging bouquets and keeping a general handle on the day's events. It would also be their responsibility to guide the bride throughout her married life.
Wedding Traditions in Sweden
When: With almost 20 hours of sunlight each day, summer was considered prime wedding season.
Attire: A crown of myrtle leaves on the bride's head represented virginity, while a gold coin from her father in her right shoe and a silver one from her mother in her left shoe guaranteed she would never go without.
Activities: In some regions, brides and bridesmaids also carried bouquets of weeds that stunk to high heaven in order to ward off trolls (don't knock it -- trolls haven't crashed anyone's wedding so far!). The couple would also enter the church together. The first to step foot over the threshold was said to become the pants-wearer in the relationship.
The Food: The traditional Swedish smorgasbord lasted for three days and included inlagd sill (pickled herring), lingonsylt (lingonberry jam) and kottbullar (Swedish meatballs).
The Music: Throughout dinner, the guests would sing love songs and, eventually, rowdy folk songs accompanied by a fiddle. Every guest was welcome to give a speech or toast in honor of the new couple.
Added Perk: A Swedish bride received three gold rings from her future husband. One was for her engagement, and on her wedding day, she'd receive two more: one for marriage and one for pregnancy.
Wedding Traditions in Morocco
When: Historically, Moroccans celebrated weddings on Sundays in the fall at the end of the harvest, when there was plenty of food to feast on.
Attire: This varied greatly by region. But what they all shared was color -- and lots of it -- including yellow (to scare away evil) and green (to bring good luck). In preparation for the day, the bride and her attendants, or negaffa, would have a henna party, receiving temporary tattoos on their hands and feet (with the bride's being the most intricate, of course).
Activities: A traditional Moroccan wedding lasted up to seven days, with separate parties for the men and women. The first three days were spent preparing, partying and beautifying the bride. On the fourth, the couple was married. On the fifth and sixth days, the celebrations raged on. Finally, on the seventh day, the parties combined and the bride was placed on a cushion and held aloft in front of friends and family. The men would hoist the groom onto their shoulders, and the new couple would be carried off to a special room to consummate their marriage.
The Food: Fish and chicken, ancient symbols of fertility, were often served. Guests dug into tajine (a chicken, beef and lamb stew mixed with almonds, apricots, onions and other spices) alongside heaping piles of couscous.
The Music: The bride and groom were ushered into the reception with a lively wedding march called the zaffa, complete with music, dancing and even flaming swords. Guests would boogie down throughout the night to the sounds of drums, tambourines and a string instrument called a zither.
Added Perk: Sure, the wedding was exhausting, but Moroccan brides got some serious pampering too -- namely, massages and milk baths (hammam) to purify themselves for the special day (er, week).
A special thanks to: Lisa Light, founder of DestinationBride.com and author of Destination Bride: A Complete Guide to Planning Your Wedding Anywhere in the World (2005); and Timeless Traditions: A Couple's Guide to Wedding Customs Around the World (2001) by Lisl Spangenberg.
Monday, September 24, 2012
20 Secrets to a Fun Wedding Reception
Jazz Up Your First Dance
All eyes will be on you during your first dance, which means it's the perfect opportunity to shock your guests. Imagine starting with a slow dance to “At Last” and then suddenly switching to a fast, sexy Latin dance or a jazzy swing step. It'll totally throw your guests for a loop and set the tone for a lively dance party.Have a Game Plan for Kids
To keep the little ones entertained throughout the night (and to give their parents an opportunity to hit the dance floor!), set up an area specifically for them. In a separate room, arrange for a babysitter who can set up movies for them to watch. Or designate a couple tables just for the kids and pack them with coloring books, crayons, and small toys.Keep the Toasts Short (And Prep Your Toasters)
As meaningful and wonderful as toasts can be, it's important that you don't let those toasting to drone on and on. Quite frankly, it'll put a lull in the evening. When it comes to toasts, it's really all about quality over quantity. So direct anyone who is speaking in advance to keep their speeches to two minutes max and ask them to share any other long-drawn-out stories at a prewedding party like the rehearsal dinner.Give Out Party Favors
Don't forget that a reception is a party! Let your guests know that it's okay to cut loose after a formal ceremony by passing out crazy wedding favors at the reception. A few of our favorite ideas? Funky masks, noisemakers, or Silly String. We even know one couple who handed out neckties and encouraged their guests to tie them around their heads on the dance floor. Quirky, but definitely fun!Put on a Welcome Dinner
Okay, so this tip isn't for your reception, but it will end up making the party more fun. Why? A casual event where all of your guests can meet and mingle the day before the wedding means that by the time your reception rolls around, everyone will have already gotten to know one another. That way, your guests can skip the pleasantries and get right down to celebrating.Plan an Interactive Food Station
Great food makes great celebrations, but customizable food (so that everyone gets exactly what they like) is even better. A risotto station, pasta bar or grilled cheese station where people can choose their own toppings and sauces will leave you with happy, well-fed guests ready to have a good time.Keep Your Guests Fueled
If you want to ensure an all-night crowd, arrange for your catering staff to bring out trays of late-night munchies like French fries or a self-serve taco bar. If you stick with low-key, comfort foods like those, they'll wish the party would never end. Another great idea: Offer a coffee bar complete with special syrups and toppings to keep them caffeinated.Tell Your Guests About an End-of-the-Night Treat
Nothing stops a party in its tracks faster than guests heading for the door early. Take out an insurance policy against a skimpy crowd and plan a treat for the end of the night that people will look forward to: You and your new spouse can perform a song with the band for the last dance, or you can plan a reception getaway that'll gets guests excited, like a fireworks show or an exit with sparklers.Plan a Surprise
Sometimes the best parts of a reception are the things guests don't see coming. Surprise your guests with unexpected entertainment during the cocktail hour or reception, like a belly dancer, a mariachi band, or even a salsa dancer.Arrange Seating Assignments Thoughtfully
It sounds obvious, but it belongs on the list: Seat guests with people they'll know and get along with. A well-thought-out seating chart leads to great conversation, which leads to a great dance party, which leads to…well, you get the idea! So seat your high school track teammates near your college running buddies, and put your tween cousins with other kids their age rather than their parents (and keep track of it all with our seating chart tool).Order Good Food (That's Not Stuffy)
Just ask yourself: What would you want to eat? If you're not the meat-and-potatoes type, consider doing something more to your liking -- maybe Spanish tapas, Mexican fajitas, or a big Italian dinner. Or skip the sit-down altogether and opt for a heavy hors d'oeuvres reception. Think mini sliders, bite-size vegetable quiches or a cheese table.If You've Hired a Band, Make Sure There's Good "Break" Music
We've all been to that wedding before: Just when the dance floor starts to get packed, the band takes a break and the party dies. Don't let that happen to you. When you hire your band, ask specifically about how they plan to handle breaks. Some bands will take them in shifts and split off into a smaller 2- or 3-piece bands. Others will turn on filler music. If yours is planning to use filler music, ask whether you can provide the mix.If You've Hired a DJ, Make Sure You Share the Same Tastes
Okay, this is an obvious one, but it made the list because music is a major fun factor at the reception and it has a lot to do with how long your guests will stay. The last thing you want to see is your dance floor clear out when the "chicken dance" comes on. So, make sure to talk to your DJ about your do-not-play list.Play Danceable Music
Whether you've hired a band or a DJ, if you want to keep the dance floor packed (and we're guessing you do), plan a playlist of songs that will please the crowd, not just you two. You may love obscure indie rock, but now isn't the time to show off your discerning taste in music. People love dancing to LadyAdd a Lounge to Your Reception
If at all possible, create a lounge-like area in your reception space. Why? People can get antsy. Instead of having your guests sit around the same dinner tables all night, a change of environment will promote conversation and keep even your nondancing guests entertained. Look into renting or borrowing couches, chairs, and other pieces of furniture that you can then stage with pillows and votive candles in your wedding colors.Hire a Day-of Coordinator
You may have a ton of fun ideas for your reception lined up -- say, a rockin' entrance, an amazing band, and surprise late-night snacks -- but the truth is it's much harder than you'd think to keep each of those plans in check. If you already have an event planner, genius. If not, look into booking a day-of coordinator to oversee the details (trust us, it's worth it).Bring in an Expert Tasting Station
A full bar is a must-have for a great reception, but amp it up a notch with an interactive drinking experience. We're talking about a wine, beer or whiskey tasting, where guests can sample different drinks and learn a few tasting notes. A hand-rolled cigar station also fits the bill, as does a choose-your-flavor margarita bar (yum!).Create Zones
The key to a lively celebration? Movement. The best parties encourage lots of dancing, with mini breaks for mingling and snacking -- not just sitting. So divide your reception into distinct areas for dancing, sipping drinks and chatting, and getting coffee or bites to eat. Arrange a few cocktail tables near the bar, provide an outdoor seating option or set up a dessert table of bite-size sweets.Change Into Something Comfortable
Let's put it this way: You won't have a good time at your reception if you can't breathe, right? So after the first dance, swap your veil and train for a little white dress. (This applies to grooms too -- depending on the formality of the wedding, guys can change out of a restricting tux into a more relaxed suit.) If you and your new spouse are comfortable enough to move freely, you'll dance more, chat more and laugh more, and that'll rub off on your guests.Serve a Leisurely Dinner
Instead of a quick, three-course menu of salad, entree and dessert, stretch out dinner over four or five smaller courses. Then, plan small surprises in between, like a short toast from your hilarious aunt or a professional dance performance. It'll give your guests the experience of a fun night out on the town, complete with dinner and a show.Fab 5 Freddie, Cheer Sisters and Wings
Hey My Blogger Friends... Here is my Weekend Update:
Friday Fab 5 Freddie arrived.. aka my iPhone 5. It is my wedding gift from Scott and I have to admit, I feel like a cool kid now. I am up to date with it and although me and BB (Blackerry) had a good run, it was time for a change.
I spent Friday updating contacts, downloading apps and navigating through the phone. Friday night was Wine, Netflix and Pizza Rolls... Yeah I'm about that life.
Saturday Morning Scott and I got up and headed over to Torrance Bakery for Cake tasting.
We walked in and you could smell the sugar in the air. Since I am more of the sweets lover than Scott is, I was truly excited about tasty treats. Here are a few photos I was able to snap:
Friday Fab 5 Freddie arrived.. aka my iPhone 5. It is my wedding gift from Scott and I have to admit, I feel like a cool kid now. I am up to date with it and although me and BB (Blackerry) had a good run, it was time for a change.
I spent Friday updating contacts, downloading apps and navigating through the phone. Friday night was Wine, Netflix and Pizza Rolls... Yeah I'm about that life.
Saturday Morning Scott and I got up and headed over to Torrance Bakery for Cake tasting.
We walked in and you could smell the sugar in the air. Since I am more of the sweets lover than Scott is, I was truly excited about tasty treats. Here are a few photos I was able to snap:
Torrance Bakery Box... Brittnee was a great help with our selections.
From Left to Right: Marble Cake with Amaretto Custard and Buttercream Icing. White Cake with Fresh Strawberries and Buttercream Icing. Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Moose and Fudge Moose and Buttercream Icing.
From Left to Right: Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Icing. White Cake with Raspberry Filling and Lemon Custard with Wedding White Icing. Banana Cake with Vanilla Custard and Wedding White Icing.
After much to little debate, we decided on 2 flavors... Marble Cake with Amaretto Custard and Buttercream Icing. and Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Icing. We are doing a 4 tier round cake and if we eat the top or decide not to keep it, it can be recreated for our 1st anniversary for 25.00. We choose the Marble Cake for the top and the rep said that custard does not hold too well so we might have to get it re-done either way it goes. Funny and a coincidence is that the cake flavors are a reflection of our wedding colors (Marble and Red Velvet)... So not purposely done. I am excited that there is another thing off our check list.
After cake tasting, The kids had their sports weekend (Isaiah with Soccer and Jacelyn with Cheer). Both their teams won and they both did great.
After the game, I went by my parents house to get Jacelyn's Junior Bridesmaids shoes... They came it and they look great:
Its just enough shoe for her that makes her look like a Young Lady.
Also while we were there, my dad showed me a few pictures that he took of the Space Shuttle Endeavor arriving in Los Angeles on Friday.. He got some really great shots:
Saturday night, we decided to have In and Out for dinner. When Scott lived in his old apartment, there were 2 close by so we would eat there more often than not. Since we have moved we have not explored too much with all that has been going on so we found one not too far from the house.
That's whats a Hamburgers all about....
Animal Style Fries... If you have never had them. Try them. Scott had some of mines since he had never had them before and I think he is in love. They are rich but well worth it.
Sunday Jacelyn had Cheer Pictures in the morning so I took her out for Photos:
Jacelyn- Midget Cheer- Los Angeles Southeast Panthers 2012
The Midgets: Da'Khija. Jacelyn, Glenyea, Zanise, Xzyria. Tamoya, Jordan, Nyla, Terriona and LeAmber.
After Pictures and Competition Practice, I headed over to the Apple Store for Scott's wedding gift. Since I got my gift early, I thought it would be only fair that he gets his early:
I got him a Apple TV. This system allows him to stream his items from his iTunes to the TV. It is really awesome now that we have the 60. He was so happy to have it, I am just glad it put a smile on his face.
Sunday Night we had friends over to watch the Patriots/Ravens game. We had some snacks, the big screens and some laughs.
Everyone enjoying the game.....
The Wings: Mild, Lemon Pepper, Hot and Honey BBQ.
That's the weekend wrap up! Here is whats on tap for this week:
1. Order Cupcakes
2. Get to the Dress Shop for 2nd fitting (Bustle) and get Jacelyn's dress.
3. Find Cupcake stands (Rent or Own)
4. Working on final RSVP's and start Seating Chart
5. Bachelorette Party this weekend!
Its a lucky day on the countdown 33 days till forever.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Friday Letters
Dear Blackberry,
Its been fun honey but its time that you and I went our separate ways.. Mind you I never thought it would end like this but with a new man in my life, a new phone comes with the package...
Dear Weekend,
I know I say this every Friday but I do really love you. I wish you were longer sometimes so we can get to know each other better.
Dear Cake Tasting,
For a Sweets Girl like me, I am ready for you... Bring on the Tasty Treats tomorrow and gets get some awesomeness for our wedding.
Dear Wedding RSVP Date,
You are vastly approaching and I am hoping to have every ones in so I can get everything ready for the Seating Chart and a great day ahead.
Dear Checklist,
I told you I would rule you... BRING IT ON BABY!
Dear Scott,
You text yesterday saying that you Cant wait to call me your wife totally made this crazy week so much brighter. Thanks for ALWAYS being there especially when I need you the most. 36 days cant get here fast enough.
2012 Fall Wedding Trends
With brides like Blake Lively and Natalie Portman pulling fast ones on us with their surprise nuptials, we’re on pins and needles wondering when the next lineup of megawatt A-listers will grace the aisle. Rumors are swirling that Angelina Jolie could take the plunge any minute, not to mention other to-be-weds like Jennifer Aniston, Anne Hathaway, and Jessica Biel. So what will they wear, eat, and choose should they utter “I Do” this fall? We want you to be prepared, so we got the experts to dish.
THE DRESS
The strapless gown is out, proving just how profound an influence Kate Middleton’s Alexander McQueen made on the wedding scene. Drew Barrymore, Natalie Portman and Camila Alves all donned long-sleeved frocks this summer. Now expect to notice more brides covering up.“This fall we’re seeing a heightened interest in sleeves, whether it’s a warm cashmere knit sweater, a fur bolero or a pearl encrusted capelet,” says Lindsey Robers, a buyer for the Anthropologie’s wedding spinoff BHLDN. Brides will also take a cue from the 1920s in anticipation of Carey Mulligan’s next big flick. “In the midst of all the buzz around the upcoming Great Gatsby movie and the jazz era’s affect on the industry as a whole, we’ve seen some great excitement around our Lita gown from Catherine Deane,” Robers remarks.
THE DECOR
Look out for retro-inspiration in weddings this fall. “We are definitely seeing the continuation of the ‘vintage’ feel for weddings,” Sandy Chiu, the director of catering at Laguna Cliffs Marriott Resort & Spa, notes. “Romantic lace, furniture that plays on a more classic era with pin tuck buttons and wood edge finishes, and neutral tones remain popular.” For couples who want to make a splash, there’s plenty of room for color. Rich emerald greens mixed with peacock blue are trending hues, according to Erinn Valencich of the new bridal database Bride Bop.
THE MAKEUP
On the Fall 2012 runways at Gucci, Bottega Veneta and more, models sported deep-shaded pouts in the berry and burgundy families. There’s a way to channel the look without going goth. Blushington’s Head of Artistry, Emma Willis, advises “a red berry with pink undertones offset with very softly smoked, plumy mauve eyes or earthy coco browns and you’ll be the belle of the ball – just like Reese Witherspoon!”
THE JEWELRY
When choosing how to be bedazzled, brides this season will strive for understated elegance. Jewels should complement the engagement ring so that it remains the showstopper piece, says Michelle Adorjan, the fashion director at Tacori. “We’re seeing brides invest in classic diamond stud earrings that are elevated with specific designer details, such as a bloom of diamonds – and that are special enough to be worn on the wedding day – but also practical enough to be worn daily when the wedding is over,” Adorjan tells us. Tacori’s Wedding Day Jewelry Collection is exclusive to Bloomingdale’s Century City.
THE DESSERT
If you’ve had your fill of the seemingly ever-popular dessert and candy bar, you’re in luck. Let us welcome the newest saccharine sensation in town: the mini cake. “Mini cakes usually accompany a sweetheart cake for the bride and groom to cut, while each guest get their own,” says The Butter End’s Kimberly Bailey, who most recently crafted the cake for Drew Barrymore’s Montecito nuptials. “Some couples are also opting for a single small cake for each table, differing in style slightly from table to table.” Bailey dreamt up an ombré style for Barrymore, a reigning trend in the summer that may carry over.
Fall weddings, you had us at “mini cakes.”
- Allison Kornberg Walch
THE DRESS
The strapless gown is out, proving just how profound an influence Kate Middleton’s Alexander McQueen made on the wedding scene. Drew Barrymore, Natalie Portman and Camila Alves all donned long-sleeved frocks this summer. Now expect to notice more brides covering up.“This fall we’re seeing a heightened interest in sleeves, whether it’s a warm cashmere knit sweater, a fur bolero or a pearl encrusted capelet,” says Lindsey Robers, a buyer for the Anthropologie’s wedding spinoff BHLDN. Brides will also take a cue from the 1920s in anticipation of Carey Mulligan’s next big flick. “In the midst of all the buzz around the upcoming Great Gatsby movie and the jazz era’s affect on the industry as a whole, we’ve seen some great excitement around our Lita gown from Catherine Deane,” Robers remarks.
THE DECOR
Look out for retro-inspiration in weddings this fall. “We are definitely seeing the continuation of the ‘vintage’ feel for weddings,” Sandy Chiu, the director of catering at Laguna Cliffs Marriott Resort & Spa, notes. “Romantic lace, furniture that plays on a more classic era with pin tuck buttons and wood edge finishes, and neutral tones remain popular.” For couples who want to make a splash, there’s plenty of room for color. Rich emerald greens mixed with peacock blue are trending hues, according to Erinn Valencich of the new bridal database Bride Bop.
THE MAKEUP
On the Fall 2012 runways at Gucci, Bottega Veneta and more, models sported deep-shaded pouts in the berry and burgundy families. There’s a way to channel the look without going goth. Blushington’s Head of Artistry, Emma Willis, advises “a red berry with pink undertones offset with very softly smoked, plumy mauve eyes or earthy coco browns and you’ll be the belle of the ball – just like Reese Witherspoon!”
THE JEWELRY
When choosing how to be bedazzled, brides this season will strive for understated elegance. Jewels should complement the engagement ring so that it remains the showstopper piece, says Michelle Adorjan, the fashion director at Tacori. “We’re seeing brides invest in classic diamond stud earrings that are elevated with specific designer details, such as a bloom of diamonds – and that are special enough to be worn on the wedding day – but also practical enough to be worn daily when the wedding is over,” Adorjan tells us. Tacori’s Wedding Day Jewelry Collection is exclusive to Bloomingdale’s Century City.
THE DESSERT
If you’ve had your fill of the seemingly ever-popular dessert and candy bar, you’re in luck. Let us welcome the newest saccharine sensation in town: the mini cake. “Mini cakes usually accompany a sweetheart cake for the bride and groom to cut, while each guest get their own,” says The Butter End’s Kimberly Bailey, who most recently crafted the cake for Drew Barrymore’s Montecito nuptials. “Some couples are also opting for a single small cake for each table, differing in style slightly from table to table.” Bailey dreamt up an ombré style for Barrymore, a reigning trend in the summer that may carry over.
Fall weddings, you had us at “mini cakes.”
- Allison Kornberg Walch
Thursday, September 20, 2012
11 Things Women Really Want From Wedding Night Sex
This post originally appeared on ManWifeandDog.com
Now, let's be honest here: The majority of married couples don't actually get around to having sex on their wedding night. You might as well scrap what all those rom-coms taught you -- after all the craziness that is surviving your wedding day intact, you're usually drunk, exhausted, or both. That said, who wants to be a statistic? (Especially on their wedding night.) We didn't!
I say, add "getting laid" to your wedding day to-do list -- and make it a priority. Men, here's a handy little guide to what your wife-to-be really wants to get out of the evening.
Laughter
Undressing is sexy; slipping out of a 20-pound gown is not. It will be funny, and you should laugh long and hard about it. The same goes for all the other "bloopers" you're bound to experience that night.
Naughty Vows
You've already vowed to cherish and protect each other at all costs. Now it's time to make the juicier promises you fully intend to keep. You get where I'm going with this, right? Let's keep this post safe for work and let you fill in the blanks.
Background Music
This is the part where the movies got it right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a naughty playlist. (Insert her favorite slow jams here.)
Compliments
Every woman wants to be told they're the most beautiful bride in the world on the Big Day. If your betrothed doesn't want the same shameless flattery between the sheets on the big night, she's lying. Case closed.
Liquid Confidence
Nerves and weddings go hand-in-hand -- even when you've known each other forever. Bring your bubbly of choice to the bedroom and pour as you play.
Having All Her Senses Engaged
You've got the touching covered, but what about her other senses? Be sure the room is scented, styled, and soundproofed to perfection. And, don't forget the sweets.
An Orgasm
Memo to all men: Your wedding night is not the time to go all selfish on your fiancée -- save that for marriage. (I kid!)
Foreplay
Slow things down -- what's the rush? The rest of the day will already feel like a blur by the time you enter your suite, so the after party is your chance to take your time and make more lasting memories.
Romance (Obviously!)
If your wife-to-be actually walked across the threshold and there are no lit candles in sight and no flowers to be found, men, you have already failed her -- try not to make it a habit when you get home.
Feeling Comfortable
I have nothing against bathroom sex, floor sex, or even patio sex -- they're a real rush! But no woman wants to wake up the morning after her wedding with weird bruises in unwanted places and zero recollection of how they got there. That's the complete opposite of romantic.
Passion
Skip the clichés and tell her what it really feels like to be laying next to the woman of your dreams on the most magical night of your life.
Now, let's be honest here: The majority of married couples don't actually get around to having sex on their wedding night. You might as well scrap what all those rom-coms taught you -- after all the craziness that is surviving your wedding day intact, you're usually drunk, exhausted, or both. That said, who wants to be a statistic? (Especially on their wedding night.) We didn't!
I say, add "getting laid" to your wedding day to-do list -- and make it a priority. Men, here's a handy little guide to what your wife-to-be really wants to get out of the evening.
Laughter
Undressing is sexy; slipping out of a 20-pound gown is not. It will be funny, and you should laugh long and hard about it. The same goes for all the other "bloopers" you're bound to experience that night.
Naughty Vows
You've already vowed to cherish and protect each other at all costs. Now it's time to make the juicier promises you fully intend to keep. You get where I'm going with this, right? Let's keep this post safe for work and let you fill in the blanks.
Background Music
This is the part where the movies got it right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a naughty playlist. (Insert her favorite slow jams here.)
Compliments
Every woman wants to be told they're the most beautiful bride in the world on the Big Day. If your betrothed doesn't want the same shameless flattery between the sheets on the big night, she's lying. Case closed.
Liquid Confidence
Nerves and weddings go hand-in-hand -- even when you've known each other forever. Bring your bubbly of choice to the bedroom and pour as you play.
Having All Her Senses Engaged
You've got the touching covered, but what about her other senses? Be sure the room is scented, styled, and soundproofed to perfection. And, don't forget the sweets.
An Orgasm
Memo to all men: Your wedding night is not the time to go all selfish on your fiancée -- save that for marriage. (I kid!)
Foreplay
Slow things down -- what's the rush? The rest of the day will already feel like a blur by the time you enter your suite, so the after party is your chance to take your time and make more lasting memories.
Romance (Obviously!)
If your wife-to-be actually walked across the threshold and there are no lit candles in sight and no flowers to be found, men, you have already failed her -- try not to make it a habit when you get home.
Feeling Comfortable
I have nothing against bathroom sex, floor sex, or even patio sex -- they're a real rush! But no woman wants to wake up the morning after her wedding with weird bruises in unwanted places and zero recollection of how they got there. That's the complete opposite of romantic.
Passion
Skip the clichés and tell her what it really feels like to be laying next to the woman of your dreams on the most magical night of your life.
How to Stay Calm at the Altar
How do you stay calm at the altar? I'll tell you the secret: not only how to stay calm at the altar but also how to have a truly joyous wedding day. After counseling thousands of women over the last 14 years through their engagements, I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty what it takes to be a blissful bride. But first I'm going to tell you what most women do that nearly ensures that they'll be a wreck at their wedding.
Most women believe that the engagement is the time to plan their wedding. Sounds logical, right? You get engaged and within hours you set a date, book the location, secure a photographer, set up your wedding website, and begin making the countless lists of details that, when checked, will secure a fabulous wedding day. Most women focus on the externals -- the flowers, the dress, the rings, the colors -- believing the cultural message that has been told to them them since they were little girls that a perfect wedding translates into a perfect marriage and a perfect life. They're not consciously thinking about this equation; they don't have to since every media message has inundated them with this false belief, and as soon as they pick up a bridal magazine, the message is reinforced: If you plan a perfect wedding, you will look beautiful on your wedding day and live happily ever after.
The message is a lie, and I'll tell you why: a beautiful wedding and a calm bride actually have nothing do with perfect centerpieces. Who remembers the centerpieces two weeks after the wedding? When you think of the beautiful weddings you've attended in your life, do you remember the color of the napkins? Do you even recall what the bride's dress looked like? Not likely. A calm bride and a beautiful wedding are about what's happening emotionally, inside the bride and between the couple. When the bride is connected to herself and her partner, everybody feels it. We love weddings not because they're externally beautifully affairs but because they remind us of the highest aspects of ourselves, they fill us with hope, they elevate us to a realm slightly outside our normal, daily existence, and quite simply, they open our hearts to love.
And yet we tell women to spend their engagements obsessively focused on planning a perfect day. We guide them down a path that usually results in disconnecting from themselves and their partners, spending a boatload of money, and showing up on the wedding day looking like a ghost of themselves. The reasons for the perpetuation of this lie extend beyond the scope of this article, but suffice it to say what everyone intuitively knows: when you fall prey to the cultural pitfalls and turn into bridezilla, you create misery for yourself and everyone around you and do nothing to prepare yourself or your partner for a beautiful day and, far more importantly, a healthy foundation on which to begin your marriage.
So what's the antidote? What's the secret to a calm bride and truly beautiful day? The secret is fourfold:
1. Remember that the engagement, while on one level is a time to plan your wedding, is really about doing the emotional work that will allow you to transition healthfully into marriage. This means allowing yourself to feel grief that your single lifestyle and identity is over, fear about the unknown and uncertainty of marriage, vulnerability of opening your heart to the biggest commitment you've ever made, and a host of other uncomfortable feelings. Is it joyous and exciting as well? Absolutely! But for the sensitive soul, for someone who has struggled with transitions in the past and is no stranger to fear, grief, and anxiety, you will have to make room for these culturally undesirable feelings if you're going to experience joy and excitement.
2. Stay connected to your intention about your wedding day choices. Are you planning a wedding to impress others or to prove something to yourself or your community? Or are you planning a wedding as an expression of your and your partner's values and love? Planning a wedding can be a highly creative experience, but only if your intention is to express yourself instead of prove yourselves.
3. Stay connected to your fiancé. If it's not about the two of you, what is it about? Many women become so obsessed by the planning that their groom becomes an accessory in the whole affair. What I like to remind brides-to-be is that the only thing that truly matters on your wedding day is that both of you show up, not only physically but emotionally as well. If you spend your entire engagement obsessing about planning the perfect event, you're going to feel completely disconnected from yourself on your wedding day and you're going to look at your groom like he's a stranger. Is that really how you want to feel? The details are simply the container designed to hold the two of you as you transform from dating partners to husband and wife and celebrate your union. In other words, the details are the accessories, not your groom.
4. On your wedding day, let yourself feel whatever feeling arises. Wear waterproof eye makeup so that you can cry when you need to cry without worrying about your face! When you try to stuff the tears because "happy brides don't cry on their wedding day", you stuff the joy as well and end up looking and feeling like a zombie. It's normal to feel sad that your single life is ending! It's normal to feel sad when you let go of your dad's hand at the end of the aisle or when you dance with him at the reception! It's normal to feel scared, anxious, and numb as well. If you attach onto any of these "negative" feelings as meaning that there's something wrong, then judge them and push them down, you create a wall around your heart which doesn't allow the joy and calm to enter either. The wedding day, like all transitions, in a microcosm of life, so expect to feel every emotion times a hundred, allowing them all to flow through you so that you can be present to experience one of the most joyous days of your life.
If you follow these suggestions, which sound simple when outlined as a four-step process but are actually a 180 degree departure from the mainstream model that seduces you at every turn to externalize your motives and pursue perfection, you will find the true calm and bliss on your wedding day that you're seeking.
Most women believe that the engagement is the time to plan their wedding. Sounds logical, right? You get engaged and within hours you set a date, book the location, secure a photographer, set up your wedding website, and begin making the countless lists of details that, when checked, will secure a fabulous wedding day. Most women focus on the externals -- the flowers, the dress, the rings, the colors -- believing the cultural message that has been told to them them since they were little girls that a perfect wedding translates into a perfect marriage and a perfect life. They're not consciously thinking about this equation; they don't have to since every media message has inundated them with this false belief, and as soon as they pick up a bridal magazine, the message is reinforced: If you plan a perfect wedding, you will look beautiful on your wedding day and live happily ever after.
The message is a lie, and I'll tell you why: a beautiful wedding and a calm bride actually have nothing do with perfect centerpieces. Who remembers the centerpieces two weeks after the wedding? When you think of the beautiful weddings you've attended in your life, do you remember the color of the napkins? Do you even recall what the bride's dress looked like? Not likely. A calm bride and a beautiful wedding are about what's happening emotionally, inside the bride and between the couple. When the bride is connected to herself and her partner, everybody feels it. We love weddings not because they're externally beautifully affairs but because they remind us of the highest aspects of ourselves, they fill us with hope, they elevate us to a realm slightly outside our normal, daily existence, and quite simply, they open our hearts to love.
And yet we tell women to spend their engagements obsessively focused on planning a perfect day. We guide them down a path that usually results in disconnecting from themselves and their partners, spending a boatload of money, and showing up on the wedding day looking like a ghost of themselves. The reasons for the perpetuation of this lie extend beyond the scope of this article, but suffice it to say what everyone intuitively knows: when you fall prey to the cultural pitfalls and turn into bridezilla, you create misery for yourself and everyone around you and do nothing to prepare yourself or your partner for a beautiful day and, far more importantly, a healthy foundation on which to begin your marriage.
So what's the antidote? What's the secret to a calm bride and truly beautiful day? The secret is fourfold:
1. Remember that the engagement, while on one level is a time to plan your wedding, is really about doing the emotional work that will allow you to transition healthfully into marriage. This means allowing yourself to feel grief that your single lifestyle and identity is over, fear about the unknown and uncertainty of marriage, vulnerability of opening your heart to the biggest commitment you've ever made, and a host of other uncomfortable feelings. Is it joyous and exciting as well? Absolutely! But for the sensitive soul, for someone who has struggled with transitions in the past and is no stranger to fear, grief, and anxiety, you will have to make room for these culturally undesirable feelings if you're going to experience joy and excitement.
2. Stay connected to your intention about your wedding day choices. Are you planning a wedding to impress others or to prove something to yourself or your community? Or are you planning a wedding as an expression of your and your partner's values and love? Planning a wedding can be a highly creative experience, but only if your intention is to express yourself instead of prove yourselves.
3. Stay connected to your fiancé. If it's not about the two of you, what is it about? Many women become so obsessed by the planning that their groom becomes an accessory in the whole affair. What I like to remind brides-to-be is that the only thing that truly matters on your wedding day is that both of you show up, not only physically but emotionally as well. If you spend your entire engagement obsessing about planning the perfect event, you're going to feel completely disconnected from yourself on your wedding day and you're going to look at your groom like he's a stranger. Is that really how you want to feel? The details are simply the container designed to hold the two of you as you transform from dating partners to husband and wife and celebrate your union. In other words, the details are the accessories, not your groom.
4. On your wedding day, let yourself feel whatever feeling arises. Wear waterproof eye makeup so that you can cry when you need to cry without worrying about your face! When you try to stuff the tears because "happy brides don't cry on their wedding day", you stuff the joy as well and end up looking and feeling like a zombie. It's normal to feel sad that your single life is ending! It's normal to feel sad when you let go of your dad's hand at the end of the aisle or when you dance with him at the reception! It's normal to feel scared, anxious, and numb as well. If you attach onto any of these "negative" feelings as meaning that there's something wrong, then judge them and push them down, you create a wall around your heart which doesn't allow the joy and calm to enter either. The wedding day, like all transitions, in a microcosm of life, so expect to feel every emotion times a hundred, allowing them all to flow through you so that you can be present to experience one of the most joyous days of your life.
If you follow these suggestions, which sound simple when outlined as a four-step process but are actually a 180 degree departure from the mainstream model that seduces you at every turn to externalize your motives and pursue perfection, you will find the true calm and bliss on your wedding day that you're seeking.
Pinterest Fun...
I have not posted some of my Pinterest Favorites in a while so I thought I would do so today. Here are great Wedding Keepsakes that I would LOVE to have........
Its Ok Thursdays....
Its OK to have Wine and a Bubble Bath for dinner sometimes... It makes you feel better, I know first hand.
Its OK to want Junk Food in the middle of Wedding planning, It helps you from causing bodily harm to people.
Its OK to let someone help you... It makes you a better you.
Its OK to Cry... No really, Its OK.
Its OK to want more for yourself in life, You just have to go out and get it.
Its OK to be Happy.. Nothing is bad about that.
Its OK to Love all things about LOVE...
Its OK to have Bridal Brain... Everyone gets it.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Photo of the Week
This Photo of the Week is from David and Renee's Wedding. It was a great time and as you can see... It was nothing short of silliness.
Got to love us and our silly ways.....
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Me, Myself and I Party.....
So while I am sitting here with not much to do... I went over to my girl Christi's Blog and saw that she was doing Me, Myself and I today so I thought I would join in.....
1. When you are feeling down, what do you do to pick yourself up?
I find myself either with a nice glass of Champagne, Spending great times with friends and family or in the arms of Scott.
2. If you had to live in a different time period, which would you prefer?
I think it would be the 1970's. Even thought I was born at the tail end of it, I think it would be cool to rock bell bottom jeans and a Afro
1. When you are feeling down, what do you do to pick yourself up?
I find myself either with a nice glass of Champagne, Spending great times with friends and family or in the arms of Scott.
2. If you had to live in a different time period, which would you prefer?
I think it would be the 1970's. Even thought I was born at the tail end of it, I think it would be cool to rock bell bottom jeans and a Afro
3. What is the most creative Halloween costume you've ever
worn?
I never did too much dressing up for Halloween but I do dress up in Photo booths....LOL
4. Five weird things about you we wouldn't know without being
told:
1. I can touch my toes... and apparently that is a big thing for women because when I did it, I had a flock of people coming over to me like, You can do that???
2. I like for all the doors to be closed in the house.. Yes it is a little OCD but it makes me feel like everything and everyone is secure.
3. When I get nervous or overly anxious.. I tend to chew on my tongue... Well, I don't have a nervous twitch so that's my weirdo thing for sure.
4. I don't like scrambled or breakfast eggs but I can eat boiled eggs... It was from pregnancy and it just stuck with me, Don't know if would change if I had another child or not..
5. I don't like the sound of balloons being filled up or popping... it scares the shit out of me, but gun fire and fireworks I'm all over that.... Backwards for sure.
5. What would you tell your 16 year old self?
Dear Sweet 16,
All the heartache and pain of being a teenager finally pays off. You stuck through the tough times and life will get better. yes there will be some bumps in the road but look at you now.. Happy, Getting Married and even Acne Free (Smile). I Love Your Spirit, Drive and Ambition..Keep it up!
Love,
Jasmine
A Surprise Wedding Gift From President Obama
One couple received a truly memorable gift from our Commander-in-Chief after he nearly became an unintentional wedding crasher at their September 1 nuptials.
President Obama planned a last-minute rally at the Living History Farms in Urbandale, Iowa on September 1, attracting about 10,000 supporters — but he and his team made sure to wrap it up an hour before the couple's wedding ceremony was scheduled to start so that the two events wouldn't conflict.
"The staff and Secret Service were very gracious about it, and when it was over, they received this gift and note," a friend of the couple posted on Reddit.
Photo Credit: Loren Paul
What a great keepsake from their big day!
President Obama planned a last-minute rally at the Living History Farms in Urbandale, Iowa on September 1, attracting about 10,000 supporters — but he and his team made sure to wrap it up an hour before the couple's wedding ceremony was scheduled to start so that the two events wouldn't conflict.
"The staff and Secret Service were very gracious about it, and when it was over, they received this gift and note," a friend of the couple posted on Reddit.
Photo Credit: Loren Paul
What a great keepsake from their big day!
14 Creative Ways to Make a Grand Exit
Throw Some Flowers
This classic ceremony exit never goes out of style. You can buy or make simple paper cones and fill them with rose petals, or any other kind of petal you like. Then simply leave them hanging at the end of each aisle or assign someone to quickly hand them out as guests exit the church.
Go For a Ride
This bicycle may not be built for two -- but that didn't stop this couple from riding off into the sunset (the bride sat on the handle bars!) We just love the "Just Married" basket at the front of the bike and the fun tin cans added to the back.
Take Cover
Rain or shine, colorful umbrellas can make for a great photo op. This couple handed them out to the bridal party to form an arch as they left the ceremony.
Pedal Away
If you're not exactly sold on the idea of pedaling yourself (we know -- wedding dresses can be heavy!) try out this unique getaway: a rickshaw. This couple even personalized their ride with their monogram and tied it into the rest of their wedding colors.
Make a Getaway
Nostalgic for the "good 'ole" days? Then why not bid adieu to your guests in a vintage ride, like this one. Just don't forget to deck it out with plenty of tin cans, ribbon, and a homemade "Just Married" sign.
Blow a Bubble
If your venue won't let you throw rice (and we know that plenty of them won't!), consider handing out cute bubble bottles to your guests for a light, whimsical finish to the ceremony. You can even buy bubbles with personalized labels to display your names or new monogram
Take a Ride
When it comes to destination weddings, depending on the location, cars may not be the most popular option. For this seaside affair, it was much easier -- and way cute! -- for the bride and groom to head off into the sunset on these bright red scooters.
Light the Way
If you left the ceremony with your guests throwing rose petals, you simply have to give them something else to do at the end of the reception. Sparklers like these will look great in photos and your guests will have fun holding them for you while you two run under the arch.
Take a Back Seat
Golf carts, like this one, can be a clever --and totally practical -- way to leave your ceremony if you're holding the wedding at a country club or golf resort. The best part about this ride is that you'll be able to face all of your guests as you wave goodbye.
Row Your Boat
While it may not be the speediest getaway, this is definitely one of the most romantic. If you can, why not leave your ceremony or reception by water, either by climbing into a row boat like this one or hopping into a larger boat or yacht.
Go Vintage
An old-fashioned car like this one will not only help you exit your ceremony, but you'll get plenty of attention during your drive to the reception. Old cars are a great way to come and go in style -- just make sure you have an alternative rain plan if the car has an open roof.
Hop a Ride
Think San Francisco is the only place you can hop a trolley? Think again. There are plenty of places around the country where you can rent a trolley, like this one, for the day to cart you and your entire bridal party around. The "Just Married" logo at the back adds an extra cute touch.
Make a Splash
At the end of their afternoon wedding, this bride and groom led the way by taking a quick dip in the ocean before leaving their guests for the day. If you're having a beachside wedding, going for a swim will certainly make for a dramatic exit. Plus, if you're up for it, this is the perfect time to get those "trash the dress" photos.
Get Carried Away
Nothing is quite as romantic as the idea of the bride being carried over the threshold by her groom. While we realize he may not be able to exactly carry you from the reception to your honeymoon suite, posing for a few photos, like this one, will definitely be album worthy.
